The time of day is upon us where we hold hands and feel that foundation of love again who binds us all together in this big pile of trust.
Friends have given me the pure love that made me believe in myself and my own words
They stumbled upon me when i was walking streets and they cheered and listened gravely to the words i expressed
Around fires and households, we listened to each other and made life renew itself. The happiness of going out to eat together, of the minds who dived into a situation together and wanted to leave no hidden secret away.
I am humbled to have met and got in contact with so many people who became my friends.
But what is a friend actually?
Is a friend someone who replies on your status? Some one who moves his own happiness aside to serve you.
Many people believe a friend has to be equal. A friend should benefit from you in their lives. Some are afraid to broaden the boundary of friendship. To change it. For we established something, a sense of what our friendship is.
Some friendships die out, simple because someone in that connection thinks that they changed too much to be friends anymore.
I lost a friend in this way some years ago. He found out he was Autistic and i did not fit in his life anymore.
It hurts me to see that some People are afraid to accept change.
I have some friends i befriended when we were 7 years old. I do not believe that we could be the same friends for each other as we were back then but it is not the reason for me to let the friendship die.
It merely changes color.
It depends all on the manner in which you want to look at it.
Do you want to see your past childhood in their eyes and the life you turned away from. the childness that can never be again.
Do you want to live life in the past or do you want to embrace the moment you are living in.
In this moment you have the possibilities to accept all what this friend means to you.
You can see in their eyes and you can see the pure love that they have for who you are now.
Pure love is only a flash of fragrance that exist as a feeling that tingles your spine.
When you want to, you can acces the chances that this moment brings you to be just as the young kid who met this friend the first time.
Friends can have the ability to re ignite the spark of childness in you and you will lose all your doubts in that moment.
Your fears are transformed in their smiles and Laughter for who you both are will ignite the room and people will turn their heads to wonder about the kindness shown to them
I have two friends were i feel like a pure child. One is living in Sardenie and one is living in Deventer, Netherlands
By the changing of the year i was wonderfully happily surprised when my friend from Deventer showed her face with her new found boyfriend she picked up in Japan
All my childness wanted to express itself towards her and everyone turned their heads to the wonder that they heard coming from our throats.
"Did you not see each other for a year or something"
"No, just a few weeks."
"We met at a naked camping when we were children."
donderdag 27 december 2018
zondag 4 november 2018
the landscape is my body
The landscape is my body
every breath released from the darkness
calms the night inside of me
my dog is chasing chickens
falling asleep when my eyes are open
for the story of us begins when the night was dark
when all was silent and lost
our journey began in the wombs of empty streets
gathered dust pieces, collected tales of the world
my grandma always said that family doesn’t need a reason to love one and other
she said this silently, with a smile
and a glass of wine in her hands. Sitting patiently for the words caressed by love, she taught me a lot
my grandma
I wished she could see how the road shaped me but wishing is for fools, I did that more times than I wished I had. And secretly I know that my grandma knows for she still speaks to grandpa and grandpa definitely tells her the secrets the wind gave me. I remember how they were my parents, how I began to flourish under their laughter. Understanding that home is just a place where you feel home. Comfortable times sit in the backyard of your memories, I strolled around enough time to get lost. Drinking from the marrow of my bones. I lived in two worlds. It was time to choose, I chose forgetfulness, I chose hope. That one day I would live in the fairytale of embracing myself. I dreamed about that day when all my cares would float down my shoulders and if fear should capture me it was only the fragrance of fear because on that day I would have lived it until it became part of me. Shoulders are not to cry on. Bridges are not to understand the possibility of crossing, my mind had a language and I would understand it. Feelings came forth and the dancing began. To dance with demons, one only needs courage and a stout heart.
I was not afraid to surrender myself. My arms I placed into the river of life and when my feet were trying to stand on the river bend, my arms were sifting the tides, finding the language of my mind. My first journey was to find the answers where love begins. A journey into darkness and small trickles of hope. I knew I had to follow, doubt my every move, only to blend with courage, finding that, if they blend, you easily dismay all your plans and then life grants you the shift of tides. The stranger in the night who will bring you what you need to become yourself. I remembered the dancing in front of the whole population of my high school. I blended then with my broken soul who wanted to be understood. Through my dancing, inspiration flowed towards the crowd and I could only but listen to the shouting of forgiveness that they cried. My name, woven as a spectacle above memories of foolish days. When children run around and move with the fragrance of freedom in their bones. A child was born. I can see now how that experience shaped me. Not only did it made me one with courage but also with bluntness. More specifically, the art of being blunt. Being yourself is not enough to survive the human capacity to neglect freedom. It is the art of being yourself what could transcend your reality to become a fairytale where dreams never stop meeting you. It is the art of confidence that you will master if you trust the world. It is the art of bluntness that you will master if you trust yourself.
if we all have an issue with embracing fully who and what we are. Don’t listen to guidelines, listen to your heart. From an early age, I wanted to know about god. I didn’t meet him but Jesus spoke to me, to don’t give a shit and that saved my life. To don’t give a shit about something else than yourself. To trust on your own judgement, however, strange the outcome. For no one knows it better than you, IT means the feelings inside of you. So the first year was me, all the way going into my last depressions, and extracting the very essence of my soul, it was easier than I imagined. It just took some courage and bluntness to not care about what you will find for if you don’t like what you find it is probably not the very essence of your soul. my second year was meeting the family of my feelings. It was as if I crossed all boundaries of my loneliness and now I had to learn how to cross all boundaries with the people I loved. As if the great guidelines that want to be my destiny can never lose its trust in me. My travelling family came to be the key to embrace my family back home. Blood moves in veins. It sees the language that you are and no one can take that away: the possibility to find the art of being yourself. The sound of language tingles. It moves to the angels where the beautification of words are a mere game and if reached the art of loving then the celebrating feelings will experience the connection between lost souls. Every second is our life fulfilling itself, ending the cycle to renew the ending again. We don’t have the power to choose what we want. We choose what we need. But let’s say that a heartbeat never truly feels understood. I saw how my freedom always needed friction to be life. Always waiting for the next struggle to become tears. I met people who captured my skin, which made me found myself in the cries that it held. Sometimes neglecting myself to follow the feelings wherever it went. Whenever I met someone I would go into his Soundwave and shapeshift so that I could share their energy with them and they would feel something other than alone. And then I would go. Inspiring them by the openness that I carry, to connect to every. To shift in-between tides and realize that the need of friction is just an insecurity that stabilizes doubts by expressing ego. The need to be seen, the need to connect. If we realize how we can transport this need of expressing our ego into art, into music that inspires your surroundings to join you in your ability to artistically share yourself then inspiration, born out of the ego that feels seen can affect the enhancing of love for this ego.
without the friction that is attacking the freedom of the individual
this is friction that is accepting the freedom of the individual
seeing the wisdom of his difference and accepting the way you can move with him. Then he will accept the way you move and harmony can be reached. This was the way I met people, always shapeshift to be the one who shifts the tides. This got me in trouble. Not serious fist fight action but people who unconsciously missed that friction of attacking and tried to box me in with their word and rules. I always stayed the child that ruined their carefully laid out boundaries and rules. Even if I didn’t want it and they began to call me careless and lazy. But I was just careful about the things I care about and not active towards stupid mind games I didn’t want to be a part of.
so I kept on following the feeling that rushed inside of me and darkness went slowly from my bones, through words where my child felt recognized. Eyes that could relate how bodies communicate when they are stripped from skin. Each vein moves in his own way, building the lines where blood runs away. My path led me to a field where intricate pass ways guided me to honesty and independency. For even when i founded again the lines where doubts engraved themselves on my face, I could always go back to the wisdom I gathered in the streets, until that day when I met my princess of snowflakes. I was searching for a fairytale not knowing that it surrounded me.
every breath released from the darkness
calms the night inside of me
my dog is chasing chickens
falling asleep when my eyes are open
for the story of us begins when the night was dark
when all was silent and lost
our journey began in the wombs of empty streets
gathered dust pieces, collected tales of the world
my grandma always said that family doesn’t need a reason to love one and other
she said this silently, with a smile
and a glass of wine in her hands. Sitting patiently for the words caressed by love, she taught me a lot
my grandma
I wished she could see how the road shaped me but wishing is for fools, I did that more times than I wished I had. And secretly I know that my grandma knows for she still speaks to grandpa and grandpa definitely tells her the secrets the wind gave me. I remember how they were my parents, how I began to flourish under their laughter. Understanding that home is just a place where you feel home. Comfortable times sit in the backyard of your memories, I strolled around enough time to get lost. Drinking from the marrow of my bones. I lived in two worlds. It was time to choose, I chose forgetfulness, I chose hope. That one day I would live in the fairytale of embracing myself. I dreamed about that day when all my cares would float down my shoulders and if fear should capture me it was only the fragrance of fear because on that day I would have lived it until it became part of me. Shoulders are not to cry on. Bridges are not to understand the possibility of crossing, my mind had a language and I would understand it. Feelings came forth and the dancing began. To dance with demons, one only needs courage and a stout heart.
I was not afraid to surrender myself. My arms I placed into the river of life and when my feet were trying to stand on the river bend, my arms were sifting the tides, finding the language of my mind. My first journey was to find the answers where love begins. A journey into darkness and small trickles of hope. I knew I had to follow, doubt my every move, only to blend with courage, finding that, if they blend, you easily dismay all your plans and then life grants you the shift of tides. The stranger in the night who will bring you what you need to become yourself. I remembered the dancing in front of the whole population of my high school. I blended then with my broken soul who wanted to be understood. Through my dancing, inspiration flowed towards the crowd and I could only but listen to the shouting of forgiveness that they cried. My name, woven as a spectacle above memories of foolish days. When children run around and move with the fragrance of freedom in their bones. A child was born. I can see now how that experience shaped me. Not only did it made me one with courage but also with bluntness. More specifically, the art of being blunt. Being yourself is not enough to survive the human capacity to neglect freedom. It is the art of being yourself what could transcend your reality to become a fairytale where dreams never stop meeting you. It is the art of confidence that you will master if you trust the world. It is the art of bluntness that you will master if you trust yourself.
if we all have an issue with embracing fully who and what we are. Don’t listen to guidelines, listen to your heart. From an early age, I wanted to know about god. I didn’t meet him but Jesus spoke to me, to don’t give a shit and that saved my life. To don’t give a shit about something else than yourself. To trust on your own judgement, however, strange the outcome. For no one knows it better than you, IT means the feelings inside of you. So the first year was me, all the way going into my last depressions, and extracting the very essence of my soul, it was easier than I imagined. It just took some courage and bluntness to not care about what you will find for if you don’t like what you find it is probably not the very essence of your soul. my second year was meeting the family of my feelings. It was as if I crossed all boundaries of my loneliness and now I had to learn how to cross all boundaries with the people I loved. As if the great guidelines that want to be my destiny can never lose its trust in me. My travelling family came to be the key to embrace my family back home. Blood moves in veins. It sees the language that you are and no one can take that away: the possibility to find the art of being yourself. The sound of language tingles. It moves to the angels where the beautification of words are a mere game and if reached the art of loving then the celebrating feelings will experience the connection between lost souls. Every second is our life fulfilling itself, ending the cycle to renew the ending again. We don’t have the power to choose what we want. We choose what we need. But let’s say that a heartbeat never truly feels understood. I saw how my freedom always needed friction to be life. Always waiting for the next struggle to become tears. I met people who captured my skin, which made me found myself in the cries that it held. Sometimes neglecting myself to follow the feelings wherever it went. Whenever I met someone I would go into his Soundwave and shapeshift so that I could share their energy with them and they would feel something other than alone. And then I would go. Inspiring them by the openness that I carry, to connect to every. To shift in-between tides and realize that the need of friction is just an insecurity that stabilizes doubts by expressing ego. The need to be seen, the need to connect. If we realize how we can transport this need of expressing our ego into art, into music that inspires your surroundings to join you in your ability to artistically share yourself then inspiration, born out of the ego that feels seen can affect the enhancing of love for this ego.
without the friction that is attacking the freedom of the individual
this is friction that is accepting the freedom of the individual
seeing the wisdom of his difference and accepting the way you can move with him. Then he will accept the way you move and harmony can be reached. This was the way I met people, always shapeshift to be the one who shifts the tides. This got me in trouble. Not serious fist fight action but people who unconsciously missed that friction of attacking and tried to box me in with their word and rules. I always stayed the child that ruined their carefully laid out boundaries and rules. Even if I didn’t want it and they began to call me careless and lazy. But I was just careful about the things I care about and not active towards stupid mind games I didn’t want to be a part of.
so I kept on following the feeling that rushed inside of me and darkness went slowly from my bones, through words where my child felt recognized. Eyes that could relate how bodies communicate when they are stripped from skin. Each vein moves in his own way, building the lines where blood runs away. My path led me to a field where intricate pass ways guided me to honesty and independency. For even when i founded again the lines where doubts engraved themselves on my face, I could always go back to the wisdom I gathered in the streets, until that day when I met my princess of snowflakes. I was searching for a fairytale not knowing that it surrounded me.
maandag 29 oktober 2018
The princess of snowflakes
Girls. Love. Smoke. Lingers.
If there was ever a girl who gave my heart a whirl it would be her.
Still hiding behind closed curtains.
Behind the vastness of dreams come true and never die.
Immortal sense of liberty.
That is the girl I want to have, that is the girl you give to me. As a gift, wrapped in a smoked dress. Fire twirling in her flesh. Her hair a coded mess. She will dance with me, the whole night long. Give me a kiss, on the cheek that was once so strong. Her words a silken mirror, reflecting the eyes of a prisoner unleashed.
That is the girl I want to meet.
But she still hides behind forgotten memories; Unspoiled by the treachery of what tomorrow brings. One day, she will grow up, move between houses and alleyways to find her path and I must let her go, be at peace that it will come to pass.
My beautiful girl in gifted dreams. She will get children that will see.
All that she is and all that she was. My beautiful girl in gifted dreams and by all means. I hope I will be the father. The companion who will strive for her affection.
Every day until the sun has seen every nook and cranny of her love to me. That will never die and I shall never lie. To the day I die will I be the man who drags her of her feet and makes love with her with my struggling heartbeat. I cough and I puff when I’m around her. She will be the titan in my blur. The stronghold of my strength, the line behind the casual mistakes I made. Because I will get stupid, as I have always been. Struggling to say words, I do not hide behind eyes that are keen. I will fall and forget why I’ve called. The mystery girl. Forever seems so far away. I want to bundle it and make it a lifetime of now, not give it away.
Now I will become older, wiser for the timeless love. A sense of forgiveness in the heaven above. Now is the time to wander, in the eyes of silence. Hearing the breath of years of blindness, slowly making way for the moment of kindness. With yourself and the time you live in, now is the time to give your heart some rest. Even if you cannot find this girl. Someday, someone, will come and ask you if there was a moment wherein you regret not having time left. And you say "no." because i have seen the eyes of the girl who gave me a whirl.
If there was ever a girl who gave my heart a whirl it would be her.
Still hiding behind closed curtains.
Behind the vastness of dreams come true and never die.
Immortal sense of liberty.
That is the girl I want to have, that is the girl you give to me. As a gift, wrapped in a smoked dress. Fire twirling in her flesh. Her hair a coded mess. She will dance with me, the whole night long. Give me a kiss, on the cheek that was once so strong. Her words a silken mirror, reflecting the eyes of a prisoner unleashed.
That is the girl I want to meet.
But she still hides behind forgotten memories; Unspoiled by the treachery of what tomorrow brings. One day, she will grow up, move between houses and alleyways to find her path and I must let her go, be at peace that it will come to pass.
My beautiful girl in gifted dreams. She will get children that will see.
All that she is and all that she was. My beautiful girl in gifted dreams and by all means. I hope I will be the father. The companion who will strive for her affection.
Every day until the sun has seen every nook and cranny of her love to me. That will never die and I shall never lie. To the day I die will I be the man who drags her of her feet and makes love with her with my struggling heartbeat. I cough and I puff when I’m around her. She will be the titan in my blur. The stronghold of my strength, the line behind the casual mistakes I made. Because I will get stupid, as I have always been. Struggling to say words, I do not hide behind eyes that are keen. I will fall and forget why I’ve called. The mystery girl. Forever seems so far away. I want to bundle it and make it a lifetime of now, not give it away.
Now I will become older, wiser for the timeless love. A sense of forgiveness in the heaven above. Now is the time to wander, in the eyes of silence. Hearing the breath of years of blindness, slowly making way for the moment of kindness. With yourself and the time you live in, now is the time to give your heart some rest. Even if you cannot find this girl. Someday, someone, will come and ask you if there was a moment wherein you regret not having time left. And you say "no." because i have seen the eyes of the girl who gave me a whirl.
maandag 22 oktober 2018
Albania
Stranets Puked in the car of Reina and Marianne
these were two lovers from Germany, that took us from the beginning of Albania, 200 km in the direction of Sarande.
but they were not mad. It was a rental and we stopped by a nice restaurant for me to clean it and then i could eat with them.
Reina had an allergy to doghair but he still took us.
Hitchhiking in Albania was something of a challenge.
I was lucky that i had found the true love inside of me to don't give a fuck about waiting.
because we waited for a long time. sometimes only one car in one day.
but i might say that we had fun.
I took Stranets on my shoulders when he didn't want to walk anymore and then a taxi stopped
"what are your doing,! are you mad?
you can come inside. I can take you."
In four days i found myself in Saranda.
I was taken in the afternoon by a guy who already had two hitchhikers from Turkey in the car. These Hitchhikers had a friend in Saranda that they were about to meet.
This friend was called jesmier and he was a very lovely guy.
I asked him to point me directions to the beach where the Rainbow was. He found out that it was four hours walk. He invited me to eat with them and i made a poem for him which he adored.
1000 lek was given to me after i repeatedly said to him that i wanted to walk in the night.
He didn't want to see me go but i was stubborn.
So i began to walk straight untill i met a left and a right path.
i turned around and a motorcycle came my way.
i waved my hands and stopped him
"What is the direction to Lakova?" i asked
Wauw,, that is too far, too far"
something in his voice made me want to play with him so i said:
"Can you take me, if it is so far, maybe it is bettter if you take me"
He looked at me awkwardly and then to my dog and said "but you have a dog."
"That is not a problem, I can take him in my arms."
After a minute of silence and looking for words he said: "Wait a second."
I watched how he drove off in the night
and i was almost sure that he would return
he went to his house and returned with a jacket on
"Oke, Lets go."
he needed to give fuel to his motorcycle and then he drove me all the way to the beach of the Rainbow.
I could not believe the realisation of this fact. This young man was absolutly one of the most kindest young men out in the world.
he did not even ask for anything but fortunatly i had something to give him.
I let him wait for a couple of minutes while i searched my belongings and found what i was looking for
i had a necklace and earrings that were the shape of waterdrops in a clear blue sparkling color
i gave it to him and i smiled when i saw his fascination about the gifts he received..
i also gave him the 1000 lek that i received earlier that evening.
And so i was, finally on the beach where the Rainbow was being held.
i walked a little bit further untill a rockwall that i had to climb was in front of me.
the Rainbow was being held on a small mountain next to the ocean.
So i slept on the beach and in the morning i wrote my diary.
Suddenly Stranets barked and i looked up. Dark was walking towards me..
of course he was.
Dark is my friend that i met four years ago and the second time we met was two months ago in the Rainbow in Turkey.
I knew that he was coming to the Rainbow in Albania and of course we had to come at the exact same time.
he slept on the beach as well yesterday and it was wonderful to meet him out of the blue.
that's what best friends do.
He sat with me and after the normal chit chat i asked him a favor
"I have this beginning of a song that i wrote,, with a tune and everthing and i want you to turn it into an actual song"
"yeah, why not.. let's begin."
Dark was a streetmusician/ singersong writer and when he gets exited about a song he shoves all other things to the sides and he goes for it.
so , all of a sudden he had his guitar out and we were brainstorming and singing away.
Some of the Rainbow people passed us but we ignored them mostly to do our little rainbow.
When the song was done, i was bursting with proudness and humble feelings. It was a fucking good song. We sang it together and it was just like what i had in mind. It was a drinking song.
Dark had a recording in Istanbul next month for his album and he wanted to record this song in it.
I was amazed and very happy about that idea.
When the song was done we climbed the mountain a little bit and it soon was all flat areas where the tents were seen and the main fire.
The Rainbow was much more wisdom filled than other Rainbow's i have been. All were more aware of what their impact was on the atmospere and each other. I was telling stories and i was not even 10 minutes in the Rainbow. "Where do you set your tent." "I sleep in my sleepingbag. I don't have a tent, and what about this spot right here. That's looks very good. I sleep there."
It turned out that it was right next to the mother and the child. Frida and Julian. Every morning i would go to their tent in my sleepingbag and join their early breakfast and company.
Dark had his tent a little bit further up. I located it easily and Dark really liked The Princess of Snowflakes and Kid so we went up almost every morning to get a Dark Breakfast. Snowflakes was from Sweden and she had a good friend with her that joined her on her First Rainbow. He was called Bjorne and i fell for his charms. But as i found out, Dark fell harder and a romance began.
One time, i was walking with Snowflakes and Kid to a cafe in the neighbourhood and it turned out that Snowflakes and i had a very strong connection. It grew with Cuddling in the tent and sharing intimate words and time.
And then one day,, i stayed behind in the Rainbow when Snowflakes went to the cafe with another man. they were planning to fly to Colombia together. Suddenly i had this vision of Snowflake's face and this man and a sense of great danger surrounded me. I was surprised and did not want to take it much heed but then Stranets barked very suddenly. As i looked, he looked straight at me.As if to say "shall we go?" "Let's go." i replied and then Stranets and i jumped up and we ran over the beach to the cafe. As i turned around the corner, Snowflake saw me and said "wauw,, my prince came." we hugged and she was surprised that i was so sweaty, After i confessed what i was doing here she felt special and i think that is when she fell for me. She decided not to go to Colombia and stayed on the Rainbow untill i was gone.
Many things happened on the Rainbow, as always, but Snowflake captured my heart and let me forget about every misery or past adventure that i had. As i was held in her arms or the mere presence of her made me feel so comfortable. made me forget about the whole wide world and made me embrace the child inside with every moment more.
My stories around the fire got far more appreciation and respect and respons than it usually did. People got touched and said that my timing and my topic were perfect. I even inspired two lovers to not always fuck every night but just cuddle the whole night through.
I met a sister who has the same birthday of mine and every time she speaks i hear myself speaking in her voice.. our stories are so similair in the quests and the answers that we searched for and found. "Do you know Cestmir, that i wrote my first story when i was 11 and it was about a boy called Cestmir."
I just smiled at her for more than ten minutes. the absolute pleasure of meeting her was not soon to be forgotten.
And another surprise came my way.
I made my way towards Dark when suddenly some one said "Cestmir."
I looked up and my happiness went through the roof, because there, standing in front of me, was one of my best friends, who i did not see in Two years.
"Mir!!"
I jumped in his arms and our foreheads collided and our eyes could only mesmerize upon the beauty that we found in each other.
I met him in the Maroccon Rainbow
. he was one of the people who was welcoming me as i went into the Dunes of the Desert.
To see him was a very big sign to release my inner child in all it's glory
and that is what i did. We laughed so hard in the maincircle that night. Every one was wondering what was so funny. My laughter just exploded and got the attention of us all.
I was so happy to see him. he lives in Sardinie. he can use the land of his brother to tend the bees, plant some flowers and vegetables and he will receive two sheep in the spring. For one year he was already tending the land..
I cannot wait to go there with Stranets to live with him.
Mir loved Stranets as well. he could see clearly that we were meant for each other
Snowflake joined us saying. "It is very nice to be in the energy of true friendship."
Snowflake and me became lovers and companion's.
"I think this is why lovers meet. To be in this comfortable state."
Snowflake was right. When i was with her i forgot all about the outside world.
She made me with every move of her fall deeper in love and she said the same thing.
"It is like , you already embraced all of my pieces, and i know that, even though i haven't told you. It fills me with this trust in myself and you that makes my stomach tingle."
"I feel the same thing."
Together we could be so comfortable with each other's energies that we didn't really care for how the world saw us, or how we were supposed to be. We were moving with the speed of comfort and every movement theirby was perfect.
We blended with gravity and she said "I think we are the perfect team. We can do anything i feel."
All my life i wanted to meet the fairytale ending wherein i would meet the woman who was so honest and self sufficient that love was not work. not a thing that needed to be kept alive. Just an energy that moved inbetween us and with every change we adapted in such a way that we were always coming back to that comfort our love was made of.
Kid was a pain in the ass. he was jealous of the place i filled in his mother's heart. He never expirienced Snowflake falling in love and he wanted to know what the heck i did in their tent every night.
When Snowflake explained, Kid understood and he suddenly kissed me on the lips.
It was still hard to be in this environment where Kid did not had any other children to play with and no toys to move his attention towards.
In the end,, i left
i needed to stay on my own both feet again and this time i was planning to go straight to the Netherlands. Back home. Because it was time. My fairytale had ended. Truelly ended when i met Snowflake and it was time to go towards my goal of inspiring all mankind with the words that i can share with them in my storytelling way.
But as i went, for three days i was getting crazy, reaching the line of insanity because i left Snowflake. the girl that was my every dream come true. i had it all in my hands and i just left it to follow my ego.
I was a bastard and i tried to hitchike back for awhile but Hitchhiking was getting nowhere and she probably left already so i had to keep going. But i was crying on the streets. A man saw me and gave me a huge sandwich, a ride to the nearest town and he payed for my room that night. At last he gave 300 in Kroatian currency and that is maybe 40 euro.
When anyone is saying that humanity sucks, point them in the direction of me and i can convince them otherwise
I got a small injury with my left foot but i found a walking stick of bamboo and i walked further.
that day one car stopped with an american man who was born in the same town where Snowflake was born.
He dropped me of at a street where markets stood for the drivers to stop and buy some nice things.
when these markets saw me, they gave me nice things.
i bought some olive oil and honey and they gave me three bags of oranges and three tasty bread.
I was not picked up, so i slept on the camping without paying. travellers on this camping invited me to eat with them and so i did.
the next day i wanted to hitchhike again but i checked Facebook first.
and yes, i got a message from Snowflake that lifted my sprits and for the first time in days i could actually enjoy that i was going home. very slowly but surely.
the message was this :
these were two lovers from Germany, that took us from the beginning of Albania, 200 km in the direction of Sarande.
but they were not mad. It was a rental and we stopped by a nice restaurant for me to clean it and then i could eat with them.
Reina had an allergy to doghair but he still took us.
Hitchhiking in Albania was something of a challenge.
I was lucky that i had found the true love inside of me to don't give a fuck about waiting.
because we waited for a long time. sometimes only one car in one day.
but i might say that we had fun.
I took Stranets on my shoulders when he didn't want to walk anymore and then a taxi stopped
"what are your doing,! are you mad?
you can come inside. I can take you."
In four days i found myself in Saranda.
I was taken in the afternoon by a guy who already had two hitchhikers from Turkey in the car. These Hitchhikers had a friend in Saranda that they were about to meet.
This friend was called jesmier and he was a very lovely guy.
I asked him to point me directions to the beach where the Rainbow was. He found out that it was four hours walk. He invited me to eat with them and i made a poem for him which he adored.
1000 lek was given to me after i repeatedly said to him that i wanted to walk in the night.
He didn't want to see me go but i was stubborn.
So i began to walk straight untill i met a left and a right path.
i turned around and a motorcycle came my way.
i waved my hands and stopped him
"What is the direction to Lakova?" i asked
Wauw,, that is too far, too far"
something in his voice made me want to play with him so i said:
"Can you take me, if it is so far, maybe it is bettter if you take me"
He looked at me awkwardly and then to my dog and said "but you have a dog."
"That is not a problem, I can take him in my arms."
After a minute of silence and looking for words he said: "Wait a second."
I watched how he drove off in the night
and i was almost sure that he would return
he went to his house and returned with a jacket on
"Oke, Lets go."
he needed to give fuel to his motorcycle and then he drove me all the way to the beach of the Rainbow.
I could not believe the realisation of this fact. This young man was absolutly one of the most kindest young men out in the world.
he did not even ask for anything but fortunatly i had something to give him.
I let him wait for a couple of minutes while i searched my belongings and found what i was looking for
i had a necklace and earrings that were the shape of waterdrops in a clear blue sparkling color
i gave it to him and i smiled when i saw his fascination about the gifts he received..
i also gave him the 1000 lek that i received earlier that evening.
And so i was, finally on the beach where the Rainbow was being held.
i walked a little bit further untill a rockwall that i had to climb was in front of me.
the Rainbow was being held on a small mountain next to the ocean.
So i slept on the beach and in the morning i wrote my diary.
Suddenly Stranets barked and i looked up. Dark was walking towards me..
of course he was.
Dark is my friend that i met four years ago and the second time we met was two months ago in the Rainbow in Turkey.
I knew that he was coming to the Rainbow in Albania and of course we had to come at the exact same time.
he slept on the beach as well yesterday and it was wonderful to meet him out of the blue.
that's what best friends do.
He sat with me and after the normal chit chat i asked him a favor
"I have this beginning of a song that i wrote,, with a tune and everthing and i want you to turn it into an actual song"
"yeah, why not.. let's begin."
Dark was a streetmusician/ singersong writer and when he gets exited about a song he shoves all other things to the sides and he goes for it.
so , all of a sudden he had his guitar out and we were brainstorming and singing away.
Some of the Rainbow people passed us but we ignored them mostly to do our little rainbow.
When the song was done, i was bursting with proudness and humble feelings. It was a fucking good song. We sang it together and it was just like what i had in mind. It was a drinking song.
Dark had a recording in Istanbul next month for his album and he wanted to record this song in it.
I was amazed and very happy about that idea.
When the song was done we climbed the mountain a little bit and it soon was all flat areas where the tents were seen and the main fire.
The Rainbow was much more wisdom filled than other Rainbow's i have been. All were more aware of what their impact was on the atmospere and each other. I was telling stories and i was not even 10 minutes in the Rainbow. "Where do you set your tent." "I sleep in my sleepingbag. I don't have a tent, and what about this spot right here. That's looks very good. I sleep there."
It turned out that it was right next to the mother and the child. Frida and Julian. Every morning i would go to their tent in my sleepingbag and join their early breakfast and company.
Dark had his tent a little bit further up. I located it easily and Dark really liked The Princess of Snowflakes and Kid so we went up almost every morning to get a Dark Breakfast. Snowflakes was from Sweden and she had a good friend with her that joined her on her First Rainbow. He was called Bjorne and i fell for his charms. But as i found out, Dark fell harder and a romance began.
One time, i was walking with Snowflakes and Kid to a cafe in the neighbourhood and it turned out that Snowflakes and i had a very strong connection. It grew with Cuddling in the tent and sharing intimate words and time.
And then one day,, i stayed behind in the Rainbow when Snowflakes went to the cafe with another man. they were planning to fly to Colombia together. Suddenly i had this vision of Snowflake's face and this man and a sense of great danger surrounded me. I was surprised and did not want to take it much heed but then Stranets barked very suddenly. As i looked, he looked straight at me.As if to say "shall we go?" "Let's go." i replied and then Stranets and i jumped up and we ran over the beach to the cafe. As i turned around the corner, Snowflake saw me and said "wauw,, my prince came." we hugged and she was surprised that i was so sweaty, After i confessed what i was doing here she felt special and i think that is when she fell for me. She decided not to go to Colombia and stayed on the Rainbow untill i was gone.
Many things happened on the Rainbow, as always, but Snowflake captured my heart and let me forget about every misery or past adventure that i had. As i was held in her arms or the mere presence of her made me feel so comfortable. made me forget about the whole wide world and made me embrace the child inside with every moment more.
My stories around the fire got far more appreciation and respect and respons than it usually did. People got touched and said that my timing and my topic were perfect. I even inspired two lovers to not always fuck every night but just cuddle the whole night through.
I met a sister who has the same birthday of mine and every time she speaks i hear myself speaking in her voice.. our stories are so similair in the quests and the answers that we searched for and found. "Do you know Cestmir, that i wrote my first story when i was 11 and it was about a boy called Cestmir."
I just smiled at her for more than ten minutes. the absolute pleasure of meeting her was not soon to be forgotten.
And another surprise came my way.
I made my way towards Dark when suddenly some one said "Cestmir."
I looked up and my happiness went through the roof, because there, standing in front of me, was one of my best friends, who i did not see in Two years.
"Mir!!"
I jumped in his arms and our foreheads collided and our eyes could only mesmerize upon the beauty that we found in each other.
I met him in the Maroccon Rainbow
. he was one of the people who was welcoming me as i went into the Dunes of the Desert.
To see him was a very big sign to release my inner child in all it's glory
and that is what i did. We laughed so hard in the maincircle that night. Every one was wondering what was so funny. My laughter just exploded and got the attention of us all.
I was so happy to see him. he lives in Sardinie. he can use the land of his brother to tend the bees, plant some flowers and vegetables and he will receive two sheep in the spring. For one year he was already tending the land..
I cannot wait to go there with Stranets to live with him.
Mir loved Stranets as well. he could see clearly that we were meant for each other
Snowflake joined us saying. "It is very nice to be in the energy of true friendship."
Snowflake and me became lovers and companion's.
"I think this is why lovers meet. To be in this comfortable state."
Snowflake was right. When i was with her i forgot all about the outside world.
She made me with every move of her fall deeper in love and she said the same thing.
"It is like , you already embraced all of my pieces, and i know that, even though i haven't told you. It fills me with this trust in myself and you that makes my stomach tingle."
"I feel the same thing."
Together we could be so comfortable with each other's energies that we didn't really care for how the world saw us, or how we were supposed to be. We were moving with the speed of comfort and every movement theirby was perfect.
We blended with gravity and she said "I think we are the perfect team. We can do anything i feel."
All my life i wanted to meet the fairytale ending wherein i would meet the woman who was so honest and self sufficient that love was not work. not a thing that needed to be kept alive. Just an energy that moved inbetween us and with every change we adapted in such a way that we were always coming back to that comfort our love was made of.
Kid was a pain in the ass. he was jealous of the place i filled in his mother's heart. He never expirienced Snowflake falling in love and he wanted to know what the heck i did in their tent every night.
When Snowflake explained, Kid understood and he suddenly kissed me on the lips.
It was still hard to be in this environment where Kid did not had any other children to play with and no toys to move his attention towards.
In the end,, i left
i needed to stay on my own both feet again and this time i was planning to go straight to the Netherlands. Back home. Because it was time. My fairytale had ended. Truelly ended when i met Snowflake and it was time to go towards my goal of inspiring all mankind with the words that i can share with them in my storytelling way.
But as i went, for three days i was getting crazy, reaching the line of insanity because i left Snowflake. the girl that was my every dream come true. i had it all in my hands and i just left it to follow my ego.
I was a bastard and i tried to hitchike back for awhile but Hitchhiking was getting nowhere and she probably left already so i had to keep going. But i was crying on the streets. A man saw me and gave me a huge sandwich, a ride to the nearest town and he payed for my room that night. At last he gave 300 in Kroatian currency and that is maybe 40 euro.
When anyone is saying that humanity sucks, point them in the direction of me and i can convince them otherwise
I got a small injury with my left foot but i found a walking stick of bamboo and i walked further.
that day one car stopped with an american man who was born in the same town where Snowflake was born.
He dropped me of at a street where markets stood for the drivers to stop and buy some nice things.
when these markets saw me, they gave me nice things.
i bought some olive oil and honey and they gave me three bags of oranges and three tasty bread.
I was not picked up, so i slept on the camping without paying. travellers on this camping invited me to eat with them and so i did.
the next day i wanted to hitchhike again but i checked Facebook first.
and yes, i got a message from Snowflake that lifted my sprits and for the first time in days i could actually enjoy that i was going home. very slowly but surely.
the message was this :
Cestmir, I
miss you deeply and treasure you highly and want to be with you already... And
no I can not forget you and well I kind of absolutly believe in The fairytale
about us even tho I don't want to believe. I even miss your kiss god damnit!
And I am troubled trying to write to you
because why do I even need to write to you? I feel like I should not be further
away than The distance of direct Word vibrations!! Nyway what ever is up 4 you
I'm happy for The ones in your presence and hope they see and appreciate the
mighty strenght in you. I love you
---------------------------
A car drove me to Split. Split had a train, going further, so i took the train to Zagreb with the money i had. Dark had given me 80 euro's on the Rainbow. In Zagrab a girl loved Stranets and she gave us 20 euro's and i took the train to Austria, Graz.
Here i had a friend who lived nearby so i contacted him and i could spend a few days with him. I spend that night in Graz so i could eat with him and his friends. his friends heard my story and gave me 20 euro. I made them a poem.
the next few days were really amazing, with the best food ever and with many walks and talks that made my day and put a huge smile on my face. My friend was lovely, very honest and humble towards what life gives him. I met him three years ago in Graz in a cafe. I made him a poem and now, for the second time i was enjoying his company and hospitality. the third time i had to pay for myself.
He loved Stranets and secretly wanted him to stay. Stranets loved it in his appartment but we had a different adventure that waited for us.
I went to Vienne where i heard that there was a cheap night train going to Hannover. Unfortunatly there were no dogs aloud. After a couple of minutes of designing a plan i paid for the ticket and waited for the evening to come.
Stranets and me spend 8 hours waiting and in those hours we received many a gift. and a girl came to speak to us. She was very nice to talk to. A Turkish girl who was an archeologist. When it was time she guided me to the train and i went with Stranets over my shoulder, hiding in my sleepingbag, as if nothing was wrong, inside the train.
Stranets was supercomfortable and no one knew that i just smuggled a dog in a sleepingbag in a train.
I was sleepy, so i slept a little bit and when i woke up, a man asked "do you have a dog?"
"yes." i answer in an unsure voice
suddenly he drags Stranets in view.
"This dog was going out of the train and i found him walking around."
The train had stopped and when the doors opened Stranets wanted to take a walk.
Slowly we arrived in Hannover and then the train to Zwolle.
I met my Grandma first and then i went to Enschede to meet my mom and dad and Brothers and other relatives that i have missed.
It was really wonderful to see them again after 8 months and i felt like i could explode with laughter every day. i met with two of my best friends where i played chess with and laughed hard in a park.
Life was going to be really good. I was not afraid of myself anymore. Of what i could do in the society that is reality.
Snowflake missed me so much, she was going to Enschede, from Sweden with her boy Kid to meet me and sleep in my mom's home.
now,
she is taking Kid to bed and i cannot wait to stop writing and hug her, as if i never ran away from love in the first place.
---------------------------
A car drove me to Split. Split had a train, going further, so i took the train to Zagreb with the money i had. Dark had given me 80 euro's on the Rainbow. In Zagrab a girl loved Stranets and she gave us 20 euro's and i took the train to Austria, Graz.
Here i had a friend who lived nearby so i contacted him and i could spend a few days with him. I spend that night in Graz so i could eat with him and his friends. his friends heard my story and gave me 20 euro. I made them a poem.
the next few days were really amazing, with the best food ever and with many walks and talks that made my day and put a huge smile on my face. My friend was lovely, very honest and humble towards what life gives him. I met him three years ago in Graz in a cafe. I made him a poem and now, for the second time i was enjoying his company and hospitality. the third time i had to pay for myself.
He loved Stranets and secretly wanted him to stay. Stranets loved it in his appartment but we had a different adventure that waited for us.
I went to Vienne where i heard that there was a cheap night train going to Hannover. Unfortunatly there were no dogs aloud. After a couple of minutes of designing a plan i paid for the ticket and waited for the evening to come.
Stranets and me spend 8 hours waiting and in those hours we received many a gift. and a girl came to speak to us. She was very nice to talk to. A Turkish girl who was an archeologist. When it was time she guided me to the train and i went with Stranets over my shoulder, hiding in my sleepingbag, as if nothing was wrong, inside the train.
Stranets was supercomfortable and no one knew that i just smuggled a dog in a sleepingbag in a train.
I was sleepy, so i slept a little bit and when i woke up, a man asked "do you have a dog?"
"yes." i answer in an unsure voice
suddenly he drags Stranets in view.
"This dog was going out of the train and i found him walking around."
The train had stopped and when the doors opened Stranets wanted to take a walk.
Slowly we arrived in Hannover and then the train to Zwolle.
I met my Grandma first and then i went to Enschede to meet my mom and dad and Brothers and other relatives that i have missed.
It was really wonderful to see them again after 8 months and i felt like i could explode with laughter every day. i met with two of my best friends where i played chess with and laughed hard in a park.
Life was going to be really good. I was not afraid of myself anymore. Of what i could do in the society that is reality.
Snowflake missed me so much, she was going to Enschede, from Sweden with her boy Kid to meet me and sleep in my mom's home.
now,
she is taking Kid to bed and i cannot wait to stop writing and hug her, as if i never ran away from love in the first place.
vrijdag 14 september 2018
Ohrid
So,, for the first time i felt home
the cares that were resting on my shoulders fell of and i gave them to the wind to inspire the liberty to choose freedom above fear.
Ohrid was my home,
for a month I walked the streets and looked at the lake with her ever changing beauty
i dived in her waters and surfaced with new love to give the moment her celebration
It all begin with a woman who loved the way i looked
she made me stay with her
she had another young guest who became a good friend of mine
when he listened i felt listened to
when he spoke, i felt myself in his words
he was Honest towards the world
setting his goals far, so that his own strenght to overcome the barrieres of his mind could triumph and he could live in his fairytale
i could relate to his story
but the only thing which was different,
and it made me laugh every time i thought of it
was that he wanted to make a certain amount of money each year
then he was happy
the way he aproached this goal was fascinating
he sat one day outside in a restaurant and saw a streetperformer doing his thing
suddenly, in his mind there was a happening and he stood up and gave the streetperfomer one hundred euro
Because he knew, that money needed to flow, it was energy
and if he didn't let it flow it would never come
by doing this act he took a next step into extracting the wisdom from every moment and i have no doubt he would live in his dreams
he already did
one more thing which bonded us that we both liked girls
like, seriously loving them
he made me understand what the power of a prince could do
I met him, at the perfect time ofcourse,,
i was just finished with my chapter of finding myself and going into the mindset where my thinking mind became one with the prince inside of me to celebrate the moment as a child who expressed his love for connection
And in me he saw a friend who had the same adventure and fairytale as he
and he loved it
one time,, he took one and a half hour to perfect my beard and mustache
And the girls were waiting
We were walking the streets and suddenly he would greet a beautiful lady across the street
to hang out with us
so she did, and we had a lovely walk wherein the wisdom of all the dots that surrounds us could connect to the wisdom inside to be honest towards feelings
we sat at a restaurant where i knew what he was about to do because he gave his long hair the freedom to sway
and when he did this, he always was ready to kiss a girl
but when he was getting close , the girl did not want to and so he sat back down
This friend made me understand that life is a game,, a beautiful game
where lovers could break barriers to understand the celebration of honesty
I was ready
almost
We went into a club where a group of three girls were dancing beside us
one of them eyed me and then they came closer
one of the friends explained that this girl thought i was very, very beautiful
and what i did, was not run around in the park of forgetfulness but i interacted
made her smile and connected
when she was leaving to her town she said " you must visit us."
It was one week later that i told her my feelings of connection and she was surprised, because she did not feel that i was attracted to her when we met.
But what i told her would have to wait
I met another girl who i saw when i was sitting on the beach
she was the most beautiful girl
and i stood up and went to her
" sorry, but i have to say that you are very beautiful, your beauty is radiating of my skin"
she smiled beauty and her mother who sat next to her smiled to
she left us alone to talk
and we talked
as if a connection would only ask honesty to let beauty and forgiveness form into the smiles that touches your skin
She was studying greek and was on holdiday with her parents
her parents invited me to spend the day with them and i was their godson for a day
I gave this beautiful girl the words of attraction that i felt and we began to play with it
the parents gave me as much food as i could carry and i gave the girl a kiss on the cheek
she touched the place on her cheek where my lips caressed it and she said " I will always remember that"
So ,my days as a lover and a dreamer began to speak the vibrance of connection without being afraid
I was feeling flustered if i thought about the future
After this meeting, my backpack and sleeping bag got stolen
after four years they had enough of me,,
now i could fend for myself
so i began to meet Darko and Victor
The Ninja and Breath Master who invited me into their home to cross worlds with them
It was my first experience with MDMA and i felt myself becoming addicted
but i felt strong, because i had four years of travel behind me who could tell me that i was not afraid of loosing myself and even if it did happen that i could find no way out
there was always a way
I did it three times
and some speed as well
and the reason why i did it, was because I wanted to meet the wisdom of the world inside of me.
my brother and father, who are the founders of my essence both got lost in taking drugs
one time in their life they were completely lost and my father almost died when i was small because he could not stop
That was why i had to loose myself because i knew that i could find myself when all was lost and take the step my dad and brother never did
I have written a short story about it
this is it
---------------------------------------
it feels that i locked the Mdma in my stomach with the breathing exercises Victor taught me
it all blended perfectly, The Mdma was fading away and thereby the need to worship my skin, my words turned into doubts for i already missed the release that it gave me.
in my mind i was challenging the doubts to turn into wisdom. it was a challenge not easy to play out. i had to face the nothingness that could exist if i just gave in , in becoming a drugaddict
and as time doesn't exist i was in the lands where nothingness saw me materialize. it screamed silently in my face, and it changed into the faces of my brother and father. so there i was
inches away from the truth that smacked me in my face, as if the punch was trapping me in a whirlwind of silence that kept punching me without any blow
my tears began to array themselves around my eyes and i could only look and extract the wisdom while keeping my feet from falling
when victor layed next to me, his energy relaxed
i was already back in my body and had won the fight
therefore i took a step that my father and brother never could
to learn how to give these lands a place in the heart that it created
but when Victor started Breathing, another step was made
for i acted on on my impulse to follow this breathing that he did
he heard me and directed me
and 10 times my breath had it's chance to release itself from the depth where he came from
and in this aftermath of air that began to reside in the particles that were part of me
i felt my head lifted upwards, exposing my throat to the demon that i never knew i had in me
i could not see him but i felt his fangs releasing the lands of nothingness where he resided
and in this state i blend
not only with the lands but with every scream of silence that kept their voices from giving me the chance to shout at all the mountains, why they did not move
for i understood that i was not angry at my father and brother but at all those people who neglect change when change is knocking at your door
trying to get in, to save the world today
but the people like to play doctor for their own game and spawn misery in their wake
yes/
i was angry at my father and brother but at least they had the decency to spit in my face, and release me
in the midst of pain
blending every desire with the words that became
i saw how the world proclaimed their love for me, how they excepted me in their beauty, i saw senses melt my body, becoming one with extasy
and Victor was not finished , he made me Breath 30 times more
as if my nostrils could flare with the clean air that made me resilient to any kind of convenience that the demon whispered in my ear
i took the sky and placed it in my stomach
and the waves that came over me, filled me with the fragrance of clouds that whispered to eac other
he is free
Victor taught me to suspend the fallen creatures so they will never fall
and the inside of my stomach is burning
because the feeling of worshiping my skin has come through the lands of nothingness, expelled the demon that had it's lair where conveniences whispered in my ear
to become one with all my fears and even the sky came alive in the senses that melted in my skin. becoming part of the unity within
breathing could do what no one ever could
becoming part of the story that everyone shuts up
but there is a voice in insanity that we have to understand if we want to be free from any slavery
and go, into the lands where love can grow,, for the trees and the bees and flowers at ease will grow the limbs where nothingness could end
and /
begin
-------------------------------------
I met Jan in ohrid
a traveller from Israel who also adopted a dog from macedonie
we became really good friends who slept next to each other and had crazy adventures
together we could celebrate each other story
he got in trouble with the police because of his smart mouth and i was with him, as a true friend would
shaking him into reality
and then drifting of again in the fairytale of life
we spend one week together and then Roma and Maia appeared on the scene
they were travellers from franch who were on their way to Hitchike to Australia
they were a couple but i fell in love with Maia
I could not stop seducing her, the way she moved untill the way she spoke was letting me fall deeper into the lakes of her smiles
And she was intrigued to say the least
She was the key of finding my backpack and sleeping bag again
a homelesss guy came and asked her if she had lost a backpack
he took it, three weeks ago from the streets
so, together with Maia i began to follow this homeless guy on an adventure
" Why do you think you cannot kiss me."
Maia asked me
the truth was that i respected Roma enough that i did not want to hurt him
he did not like my feelings and did not allow Maia to come with me to Hitchhike around
So, she left my world, giving me the feelings of being lost in a sea of no fears
I made love to a girl from Israel who could not believe the beauty that i possessed
that was wonderful
but i had to leave everything behind to understand what Maia taught me
I had to finally end the Dentist mission which i did,. it took me one month because the Dentist was very sweet and chilled.
My glasses broke
In these weeks i also met Aleks and Andrej
who became true friends
we called each other the love warriors
they wanted to come with me to the Albanian Rainbow so this weekend we go
and now i have come to the conclusion of what Ohrid gave me
ooooh wait
that girl in the bar
What i told her was " the only reason why i would come to Belgrade is to lay next to you, kiss you and tell secrets to one another"
And as i said, she was surprised
happily
and i could come over in one month
she wanted to be the maiden in my dreams
the cares that were resting on my shoulders fell of and i gave them to the wind to inspire the liberty to choose freedom above fear.
Ohrid was my home,
for a month I walked the streets and looked at the lake with her ever changing beauty
i dived in her waters and surfaced with new love to give the moment her celebration
It all begin with a woman who loved the way i looked
she made me stay with her
she had another young guest who became a good friend of mine
when he listened i felt listened to
when he spoke, i felt myself in his words
he was Honest towards the world
setting his goals far, so that his own strenght to overcome the barrieres of his mind could triumph and he could live in his fairytale
i could relate to his story
but the only thing which was different,
and it made me laugh every time i thought of it
was that he wanted to make a certain amount of money each year
then he was happy
the way he aproached this goal was fascinating
he sat one day outside in a restaurant and saw a streetperformer doing his thing
suddenly, in his mind there was a happening and he stood up and gave the streetperfomer one hundred euro
Because he knew, that money needed to flow, it was energy
and if he didn't let it flow it would never come
by doing this act he took a next step into extracting the wisdom from every moment and i have no doubt he would live in his dreams
he already did
one more thing which bonded us that we both liked girls
like, seriously loving them
he made me understand what the power of a prince could do
I met him, at the perfect time ofcourse,,
i was just finished with my chapter of finding myself and going into the mindset where my thinking mind became one with the prince inside of me to celebrate the moment as a child who expressed his love for connection
And in me he saw a friend who had the same adventure and fairytale as he
and he loved it
one time,, he took one and a half hour to perfect my beard and mustache
And the girls were waiting
We were walking the streets and suddenly he would greet a beautiful lady across the street
to hang out with us
so she did, and we had a lovely walk wherein the wisdom of all the dots that surrounds us could connect to the wisdom inside to be honest towards feelings
we sat at a restaurant where i knew what he was about to do because he gave his long hair the freedom to sway
and when he did this, he always was ready to kiss a girl
but when he was getting close , the girl did not want to and so he sat back down
This friend made me understand that life is a game,, a beautiful game
where lovers could break barriers to understand the celebration of honesty
I was ready
almost
We went into a club where a group of three girls were dancing beside us
one of them eyed me and then they came closer
one of the friends explained that this girl thought i was very, very beautiful
and what i did, was not run around in the park of forgetfulness but i interacted
made her smile and connected
when she was leaving to her town she said " you must visit us."
It was one week later that i told her my feelings of connection and she was surprised, because she did not feel that i was attracted to her when we met.
But what i told her would have to wait
I met another girl who i saw when i was sitting on the beach
she was the most beautiful girl
and i stood up and went to her
" sorry, but i have to say that you are very beautiful, your beauty is radiating of my skin"
she smiled beauty and her mother who sat next to her smiled to
she left us alone to talk
and we talked
as if a connection would only ask honesty to let beauty and forgiveness form into the smiles that touches your skin
She was studying greek and was on holdiday with her parents
her parents invited me to spend the day with them and i was their godson for a day
I gave this beautiful girl the words of attraction that i felt and we began to play with it
the parents gave me as much food as i could carry and i gave the girl a kiss on the cheek
she touched the place on her cheek where my lips caressed it and she said " I will always remember that"
So ,my days as a lover and a dreamer began to speak the vibrance of connection without being afraid
I was feeling flustered if i thought about the future
After this meeting, my backpack and sleeping bag got stolen
after four years they had enough of me,,
now i could fend for myself
so i began to meet Darko and Victor
The Ninja and Breath Master who invited me into their home to cross worlds with them
It was my first experience with MDMA and i felt myself becoming addicted
but i felt strong, because i had four years of travel behind me who could tell me that i was not afraid of loosing myself and even if it did happen that i could find no way out
there was always a way
I did it three times
and some speed as well
and the reason why i did it, was because I wanted to meet the wisdom of the world inside of me.
my brother and father, who are the founders of my essence both got lost in taking drugs
one time in their life they were completely lost and my father almost died when i was small because he could not stop
That was why i had to loose myself because i knew that i could find myself when all was lost and take the step my dad and brother never did
I have written a short story about it
this is it
---------------------------------------
it feels that i locked the Mdma in my stomach with the breathing exercises Victor taught me
it all blended perfectly, The Mdma was fading away and thereby the need to worship my skin, my words turned into doubts for i already missed the release that it gave me.
in my mind i was challenging the doubts to turn into wisdom. it was a challenge not easy to play out. i had to face the nothingness that could exist if i just gave in , in becoming a drugaddict
and as time doesn't exist i was in the lands where nothingness saw me materialize. it screamed silently in my face, and it changed into the faces of my brother and father. so there i was
inches away from the truth that smacked me in my face, as if the punch was trapping me in a whirlwind of silence that kept punching me without any blow
my tears began to array themselves around my eyes and i could only look and extract the wisdom while keeping my feet from falling
when victor layed next to me, his energy relaxed
i was already back in my body and had won the fight
therefore i took a step that my father and brother never could
to learn how to give these lands a place in the heart that it created
but when Victor started Breathing, another step was made
for i acted on on my impulse to follow this breathing that he did
he heard me and directed me
and 10 times my breath had it's chance to release itself from the depth where he came from
and in this aftermath of air that began to reside in the particles that were part of me
i felt my head lifted upwards, exposing my throat to the demon that i never knew i had in me
i could not see him but i felt his fangs releasing the lands of nothingness where he resided
and in this state i blend
not only with the lands but with every scream of silence that kept their voices from giving me the chance to shout at all the mountains, why they did not move
for i understood that i was not angry at my father and brother but at all those people who neglect change when change is knocking at your door
trying to get in, to save the world today
but the people like to play doctor for their own game and spawn misery in their wake
yes/
i was angry at my father and brother but at least they had the decency to spit in my face, and release me
in the midst of pain
blending every desire with the words that became
i saw how the world proclaimed their love for me, how they excepted me in their beauty, i saw senses melt my body, becoming one with extasy
and Victor was not finished , he made me Breath 30 times more
as if my nostrils could flare with the clean air that made me resilient to any kind of convenience that the demon whispered in my ear
i took the sky and placed it in my stomach
and the waves that came over me, filled me with the fragrance of clouds that whispered to eac other
he is free
Victor taught me to suspend the fallen creatures so they will never fall
and the inside of my stomach is burning
because the feeling of worshiping my skin has come through the lands of nothingness, expelled the demon that had it's lair where conveniences whispered in my ear
to become one with all my fears and even the sky came alive in the senses that melted in my skin. becoming part of the unity within
breathing could do what no one ever could
becoming part of the story that everyone shuts up
but there is a voice in insanity that we have to understand if we want to be free from any slavery
and go, into the lands where love can grow,, for the trees and the bees and flowers at ease will grow the limbs where nothingness could end
and /
begin
-------------------------------------
I met Jan in ohrid
a traveller from Israel who also adopted a dog from macedonie
we became really good friends who slept next to each other and had crazy adventures
together we could celebrate each other story
he got in trouble with the police because of his smart mouth and i was with him, as a true friend would
shaking him into reality
and then drifting of again in the fairytale of life
we spend one week together and then Roma and Maia appeared on the scene
they were travellers from franch who were on their way to Hitchike to Australia
they were a couple but i fell in love with Maia
I could not stop seducing her, the way she moved untill the way she spoke was letting me fall deeper into the lakes of her smiles
And she was intrigued to say the least
She was the key of finding my backpack and sleeping bag again
a homelesss guy came and asked her if she had lost a backpack
he took it, three weeks ago from the streets
so, together with Maia i began to follow this homeless guy on an adventure
" Why do you think you cannot kiss me."
Maia asked me
the truth was that i respected Roma enough that i did not want to hurt him
he did not like my feelings and did not allow Maia to come with me to Hitchhike around
So, she left my world, giving me the feelings of being lost in a sea of no fears
I made love to a girl from Israel who could not believe the beauty that i possessed
that was wonderful
but i had to leave everything behind to understand what Maia taught me
I had to finally end the Dentist mission which i did,. it took me one month because the Dentist was very sweet and chilled.
My glasses broke
In these weeks i also met Aleks and Andrej
who became true friends
we called each other the love warriors
they wanted to come with me to the Albanian Rainbow so this weekend we go
and now i have come to the conclusion of what Ohrid gave me
ooooh wait
that girl in the bar
What i told her was " the only reason why i would come to Belgrade is to lay next to you, kiss you and tell secrets to one another"
And as i said, she was surprised
happily
and i could come over in one month
she wanted to be the maiden in my dreams
zaterdag 28 juli 2018
Turkey- the resurrection of a prince - May, July 2018
I left Skopje behind,, with the money I had I bought a bus ticket to go to Kas.
here it was where Mihau was. Kas lies in the south of Turkey, on the border of the ocean
it is a beautiful small city
with arrays of streets that breaths freedom
When I sat down in a café on the busstation in kas, there came another traveler,
I smiled, he smiled and I invited him to sit
A friendship was made, a connection of twin souls that found eachother
his name was Pol, he lived in Thailand for over a year and the heart he had was made of honesty and freedom that did not neglected his needs to surrender to himself
My man,,,,
Mihau came to pick me up and Pol came along
I think Mihau fell in love with Pol
and the three musketiers were born,
who walked the streets of kas for over three weeks to celebrate freedom and the power to manifest our liberty
I ate something in the market when a German lady gave me the keys of her apartment
I could stay there with Pol and Mihau for free as long as I wanted
and when I come back I can contact her and she will give me the apartment again
Ladies began to appear because Pol and I manifested them
one princess fell in love with Pol,
she was a painter and her soul was combined with us
one Lady stayed in my apartment for two days
celebrating the attention of three beautiful men
she was a traveler for turkey and had an amazing story
she went to Mexico afterwards
The days were spend with me interrogating Mihau about his prison story
Pol was a tattoo artist and Mihau got a tattoo from him and because I had money to pay for it and Mihau did not, I payed for it
Pol and I talked about fears of expression one day
I danced in front of a restaurant afterwards to express that I don't give a fuck
asking for money as a joke
When I came back, Pol was getting on his knees in front of me, ' you have all of my appreciation and respect'
I went down on my knees too and tossed the money that I made inbetween us
we started laughing
Mihau hugged me one afternoon and whispered in my ear in drunken happiness
" Cestmir,,, you were the first one I hugged last year, when I came to the Rainbow in Marocco and I felt that I was hugging Shakespeare
. I know that you were all these persons's people say you are, I have still a question. I am not sure if you create the magic moments around you or you attract them. but no doubt you have much magic in you.'
At this time I hugged him and fell down to the grounds and he shouted ' and you hug so good! you hug so good.
Pol and the princess came to us and fell over us to hug us too
So, many magic moments transpired in Kas
but one of the most curious was the man called Alper
He had a shop in Kas, who he inherited from his dad and he loved the feeling we gave him
he was in search of freedom and the way he could live
one day,, we got into the back of his car and went on a excursion with his family
with his parents, his wife, his son, his sister and the small boy and girl who were the children of his sister
in the car the children, named Sarp and Gunez were pulling faces with me
when we got out, Gunez held my hand and Sarp wanted to run with me on a beautiful road that laid into a landscape of nature
so I ran with Gunez in my hands, after Sarp but Gunez fell when I let go of her hands and I carried her back to her mother.
She did not speak to me for a few hours,,
[Poll, Mihau and me swam into the ocean when we came to a spot were we relaxed and enjoyed the carefreeness that the walk gave us
when we walked back,, Sarp took my hand and we walked in front of everyone, sheep came our way and then Gunez came who took my hand as well
we could speak little English with eachother and we enjoyed the walk, after half an hour we were at the car again,
Alper came to us and then the mother of Sarp and Gunez came, she cried because she did not know where her children were, when she saw they were with me she said sorry to me
she was a very loving mother
Sarp cried before he went to sleep that night because of me
when there was a celebration on one of the beaches with a fire, Pol and me and the princess took LSD
that day I could see far more clearly all the patterns of life and the way I flowed towards the essence of my destiny evert moment
Pol shared the view with me and we laughed the whole day long, gazing silently at the wonders of moments
we made up stories that were born from the reality that exist in other worlds
Alper drove us to the fire, but on the way we heard music from a wedding and I said ' stop. stop!!
I went out the car and I danced my freedom away on this wedding, Pol joined me and then we went into the car again
Arriving on this celebration another story came alive again that I experienced in Kas
I made a poem for a mother with her son named Tibet
we talked for hours , about life and she invited me in her house to smoke a joint and eat
when I came to the celebration she hugged me and Tibet was so happy to see me
we ran around the fire and the mother was always making sure Tibet was safe
I met a beautiful lady who I talked with, but I always stood up, following the currents of destiny
the father of Alper was drunk and looked me in the eyes dead seriously and said ' three times'
he was referring to the jump that I did across the fire
I said ' yes'
and then I jumped three times
feeling the movements of expression dancing in my belly
so I danced with the fire, bringing his heat towards me, following the days where time stand still and only me and the fire existed
when I came to the mother of Alper who was also drunk she experienced something in her eyes that shocked her bones, that made her cry, her eyes gazing at me
her words flew at me, embracing her belief into statements that made me smile and be silent, I looked at her from above and I smiled
do not speak, for your words I can turn into lies, when you danced with the fire , it was like a picture a thousaneds years ago,' before she said this already to me but then in reference to me walking with Sarp in my hand amongst the sheep
she saw Jezus in me,, but not like all the people that see Jezus in me before her/// she worshipped me in that moment like a true worshipper of Jezus,
' go away, into the darkness, for I cannot look onto you"
i went away and the currentws of destiny made me sit next to the beautiful girl again. I looked at her and she asked ' what' You are beautiful'
she turned her head sideways, looking at the fire for me to admire her more
then she suddenly turned to me again and asked ' what do you observe when you look at people'
' all the fears of that person'
she was intrigued but her sister wanted to go so she went
i looked upon her, crossing the fire and i felt something in me
i jumped up , ran after her, and turned her around
she was scared for a split second but was smiling then
i kissed her on her cheeks and then on the mouth
" okay' she smiled and went away
Pol and princess were taking a swim and i followed,
when we saw the fire again we embraced each other and the Princess cried
" thank you for meeting you, i have found home'
the strangers in the unknown, they manifest us, the travelers who inspire them to cry tears made out of their foundation
the tears that remember the fires we are made of,
i made a poem for the princess:
----------------
The girl who captured everything
there she was, the girl who captured everything around her,
only fools can sing about the way her movements tell the story of a lifetime
jumping and discovering on the colorful mountains where she came from
her mind, affected by the rivers who run deep and wide
that formed cracks in the sky
above her,
only dreams pass by
in clouds of thunder and gushing wind
she jumps again
towards the caves of never ending communities
they will wait for the colors that she brings
for the dreams that lay awake in her mind
for she may think and act and we will follow
no matter how long the journey will take
we shall communicate
exterminate every doubt we had and watch how she plays with paper
jumps on the boats she created and travels,
with her elephant to places
only fools can sing
because , only fools can trust themselves when all senses blind them and they listen to the cracks of the sky
---------------
Mila asked me how i knew that she was my true love. I said ' I just know. I became so strong in knowing my feelings and not being afraid to express them for that is why we live. But i don't give a fuck towards your feelings, because i cannot force you to feel the same, or even remotely the same. i still enjoy every second of my life, even more because i expressed it.' I told her about the girl that i kissed. She responded like my true love would.
' Ooh , i am so happy that you enjoy every second of your life. can i have a picture of the girl you have kissed. i am in love with a girl too. should i kiss her? every time i look into her eyes i fall in love. '
She loved the freedom that i had. hopefully this connection could be celebrated too when we met each other.
it was time to go to Istanbul with Mihau
the court wanted to see him, about his trial
he was free from prison and never going back to it again but the judges wanted to know the full story before he could go back to Poland, where he is from
so we went, i met his lawyer and i cried
i said to Mihau
' do you remember that i cried in your eyes when i first met you and i have no idea why that was
now i know, i saw that you could bring me to your laywer there and then
Because his lawyer was a woman who could bring me the last piece of the puzzle of my quest of my daddy issues
all my life i had strived to embrace the hatred i had towards my dad because he left me and my family when i was young
but my ego wanted to strive towards neglection of my feelings towards him.
this woman, the lawyer of Mihau, had lost her father quite young and still grieved his loss and missed him with strenght
somehow, her energy unvolved itself in my memories, destroying the ego and remembering the love i had for him. He was still alive, and living one street away from my mother, so i could visit them both anytime i want, whenever i want.
she could not. The puzzle fell into place and my tears were embraced with my forgiveness towards him.
this is the poem i made for her
-----------------
if it rains tonight, will someone see my tears or will my cheeks be the only lover who i have right now
will the moon shine through the void that she sheltered my dreams
only to guide my hands through the mirrors of craziness that protected me from any stupidity
let me cry, to remember all my life in one flash of white light
i balance life and death
playing no game of destiny
destiny fuels the fires of my passion
and i will continue
on the road of my own
cherish the times where my compassion lights another day
we can listen to the structures of lost kingdoms
and witness the the crying of souls with enough bravery
to cast down their shadows and draw the last breath as a tip of dragonbreath
a flaming sword
who can caress me and feel me about my dying day
the words of whispers
will guide themselves into my ears
and a song of silence is with me wen the sky cries
----------------
To celebrate this union, The lawyer brought Mihau and me with her to a restaurant to have a Raki ceremony
the next day, with a slight hangover we went in front of the judges.
We got into the court and the judges knew that Mihau was innocent but they wanted to collect all the view points, of course, the police who arrested Mihau in the first place was not there and Mihau had to stay in Turkey for another 40 days
the police would be searched for and then another Trial would occur.
Mihau cried but then he laughed and smiled when i let him remember that there was a rainbow gathering going on.
We pointed Poll and the princess in the direction and together we went into the mountains and to the valley where the Rainbow held place.
This was an adventure where i left all my doubts behind of not being worthy
i saw the beautiful princesses, the river who ran into the canyon and the feelings that rushed outside of my body and expressed peace and liberty to all the steps that i took.
Mila, the girl who i met on the end of my stay in skopje had openend my soul and was a doorway of me, finally giving way to the Prince inside of me
because i was beautiful, with my green eyes, loving smile, accepting heart, surrendering soul and storycapturing hair. Not even mentioning the other parts which would blind you. and make you love me.
for the first time in my life i felt the freedom to let my gaze wonder upon the essence of love. to not let that gaze fade away.
I had a mission, to expirience this new sense that was born. I needed to expirience the beauty of the princesses and not be afraid to caress them.
I was not transferred into a man who could lay with them every night, but i stroked them, caressed their beauty, wrote fairytales about them, expand the loving side of me to share my feelings towards them.
they could theirby approach me and find the beauty of them reflected as purely as i could in my eyes.
What transpired in this valley, i can maybe one day share in full but i will, over time, share the fairytales, the short stories that founded love when all else left them.
I manifested a beautiful girl with red hair and green eyes to hug me every night
we intertwined our hands and shared our eyes with each other. she could not speak English that well and that was cute. she was very, very smart.
I met Avigael, who became my best, best friend. Together we talked about, love problems, love interests, orgies and friendship. She was the most innocent princess of them all.
and i kissed a girl who remembered me what life is about.
Pol taught Mihau, Avigael and Joh how to become Tattoo artists.
They could expiriment on me. Avigael gave me a small flower on my ankle. Mihau gave me an 8 on my left back side, for eternity but also for my 8 brothers. Joh gave me the symbol of the seed of life on my lower back. It took three days and excruciating pain.
I could not see why people wanted to inflict pain on people.
Now i can talk about Joh. A great man with a bright mind, wanting to climb rocks and slackline every change he gets, because there was so much to do in life, he wanted to try as much as possible, he was a true friend, who was happy for us whenever we had a new love story or made a new friend.
He played his ukulele and in secret he was the biggest bad ass of us all.
I had an adventure inside the canyon upon the river with a small boy from Russia, and Pol, one of my other halves. the small boy just went further and further into the water, down stream and i had to follow. i was really glad that Polk was here, for when we went back ( much to the disappointment of the small boy) it took all of my strenght to swim back with him on my back upstream. We cris crossed, there were small beaches on every corner. It was really dangerous but somehow i knew that i was not going to die like this, the river taught me for the first time how strong it could be.
i smelled shit in my nose for the next five days.
One of the surprises was really big. it was Joel. He came from Europe, only to visit me in turkey.
My arms had to embrace him for a long time to realize that he was really there.
He came with Ami, his twin flame as he called her. I was honored to meet her, i heard so much about her. and the same went for her.
Ami left in a couple of days. Joel and i stayed longer, playing within the valley of dreams,
when he left, i came with him
Avigael woke up from her bed when i ran around, screaming her name. She looked very tired ' I knew that you were going to leave me' she said with a small tone of dis agreement. Together we cried in eachother's arms when we said goodbye. ' It was very special to meet you.' ' It was far more than special Cestmir!'
I said goodbye to another of the princesses. Defrim was her name. She was a mother of 21 and together with her baby of half a year she came to this valley. When i said goodbye, she said that she was leaving too. She was leaving with a car, in the same direction Joel and i wanted to Hitchhike.
So of course we got into the car with her.
the driver fell into tears when he received a call that her brother was shot in the war. I did not know what to say. We really dived from a fantasy world, inside a valley, away from reality, to the facts of misery inside society. Joel drove for awhile but we nearly drove into oblivion so the original driver took over and at night we were inside the house of Defrim. Her mother hosted us and was all love towards the energy that we brought. In the morning we had the most amazing lunch ever
Joel and i hitchhiked. Kas was our destination. We got picked up by a man who walked across the world for 15 years. then we nearly got killed by a bomb and then a man picked us up who had two wives, at the same time.
Arriving in Kas, we walked to my friend in the market, there we got some food offered and the woman said that she would have two bags for us, next week i could pick it up. Joel would be gone but then it was a mission to find him again.
We swam and enjoyed doing nothing serious, just relaxed. it was so hot that it was almost impossible to move.
In two days he went on his own adventure again and i was in Kas by myself. My poetry would not do so good here, because it was mostly Turkish tourists. But i was lazy to do my living statue act. Instead i met with Tibet and his mother, swam in a beach and then i saw Alper's family too.
Sarp and Gunez were so happy to see me. The grandma said that i had to come by the shop tomorrow. So i did.
Alper had talked about transforming his mechanical shop in an art gallery but i was surprised when all the paintings were already in their place when i entered. Alper was really happy to meet me.
All the days that i stayed in Kas, i was in the Shop of Alper, The Parents invited me to sleep in their backyard in a hammock. so i did,
my stay in Kas was with that family. Going to the beach, hanging out at the shop and talking with Alper. Alpers's sister was really beautiful. a sexy dancer and a good mother for Sarp and Gunez.
We became really good friends. She found stones on the beach and painted them, turning them into Jewellery. i fell in love with one of the creations and she gave it to me. It was a crescent moon, on a rock that was small, round and thick. It looked perfectly on me.
A girl ran after me, when i walked in the center, her name was Zeynep and she was smiling while her eyes strayed. ' hello, i wanted to know what you were doing, if you want to join us.' ' ooh, you can tell us a story.'
i did, about a pinguin who smoked cigarettes and wanted to find the wisdom of the world.
Some one of her friends who listened got a tattoo of a smoking pinguin a few week later.
Zeynep was in Kas with her friends from highschool. she was going to study in the Netherlands for a year.
After the story of the smoking pinguin, i shared the story of myself with them because i felt that they were eager ears.
They were left speechless and many of them could reckognize their own stories with mine.
Especiall;y Zeynep, who wanted to share her story with me. so the friends went away and i talked with Zeynep alone.
It was filled with tears that we did not cry that day. With wisdom and celebrating the child inside of ourselves.
We met the next day again. we sat upon the rocks and she had a game for us to play. we could ask each other questions because she had only 20 minutes to talk to me so better make most of it.
it was hard for me to think of anything and she said, ' Ask me anything, i do not judge antthing so i asked if she would make love to me. ' yes, most probably.' i asked her how i could move us into that foundation where that expression can be liberated. ' It all depends on our feelings, if they can flow through our bodies and we find ourselves connecting and combining. i am actually in search of someone were i can share this with and i have a feeling i can do that with you.' ' we could do it now but it would be like eating the birthday cake to fast. we would let other moments die that can inspire us in the future to flow.' ' it is funny, you have an energy as if you are a love guru and then you say to me that you are afraid of intimacy.'
Time was up. I made her a poem and she asked ' what do you want to do.' ' i want to dance on the streets with you. and there i went, upon the music that i heard. and she danced with me.. Then we said down, she kissed me on my cheeks and i met her lips.
I ran after her, to hug her ' why do you do that' ' because of you.' she smiled and she left with a promise to dance naked on the grounds of harmony
I also, in the end , knew that i had to make money for my trip back to Macedonie, so i did some living statue and made 100 euro in five nights. I bought a really cute chess board and some jewelry for known and unknown girls.
A friend taught me last year , that it was really cool and good to have gifts for people, so now, i tried to have some jewelry every time in one of my bags.
It was finally time to head back to Macedonie. My visa ran out. the three months were done. I took the bus to Istanbul and then to Skopje.
In Skopje i spend a few days, strolling around. I met Mila. The girl who was my true love. During my stay in Turkey we had a really wonderful bond in texting but as we saw each other we could not speak a word. The conversation found it's rocks everywhere. I think that during texting Mila could express herself fully, and the freedom i was did not scare her and saw her in her face. now she was confronted by her own boundaries that she chose. she worked two jobs, to help her parents and herself, money wise. she had set goals to jump deeper into the play of society. that was why she could not talk to me or express her feelings. she was too tired. she left me on the streets to discover my friend, silence, again.
I began to hitchhike but it did not work, i was met by an albanian who lived in Oslo for 40 years. he invited me to eat with him and we sharedthe most wonderful talk. To celebrate the liberty of saying fuck you' and just go on with your life. He had the most wonderful smile ever, he had a freedom and a trust in humanity that derived from his belief in God.
Stranets found me. I was not sure if i wanted to meet him. that was why i did not go in search of him. but in the end, he was my dog, i adopted him, i was bonded with him.
So when we met again, i said ' fuck it' finally the box inside of me to run away from any love that could constrict my freedom and individuality opened and out came a ' fuck you' to the fear. I broke the cycle of running away and started to walk out of Skopje to hitchhike with Stranets.
other Hitchhikers came and they stopped a car. the car looked at me and waved that i could come to. Stranets was the best in the car. he was soo relaxed. sleeping on my lap, stucking his head out of the window and walking around to the other hitchhikers.
As we got outside the car, in ohrid i could not believe the beauty of the lake. Stranets went to the edge of the lake and his reaction made me laugh. He jumped back as if to say ' what the fuck is all this water doing here'
He does not like water. And me?
For the first time in my life, in all my years travelling i found a home.
I was not sure if Ohrid was just a reflection of the home i found inside myself but who cares.
For the first time i could let loose of my feelings and enjoy the beauty that i gathered around myself.
here it was where Mihau was. Kas lies in the south of Turkey, on the border of the ocean
it is a beautiful small city
with arrays of streets that breaths freedom
When I sat down in a café on the busstation in kas, there came another traveler,
I smiled, he smiled and I invited him to sit
A friendship was made, a connection of twin souls that found eachother
his name was Pol, he lived in Thailand for over a year and the heart he had was made of honesty and freedom that did not neglected his needs to surrender to himself
My man,,,,
Mihau came to pick me up and Pol came along
I think Mihau fell in love with Pol
and the three musketiers were born,
who walked the streets of kas for over three weeks to celebrate freedom and the power to manifest our liberty
I ate something in the market when a German lady gave me the keys of her apartment
I could stay there with Pol and Mihau for free as long as I wanted
and when I come back I can contact her and she will give me the apartment again
Ladies began to appear because Pol and I manifested them
one princess fell in love with Pol,
she was a painter and her soul was combined with us
one Lady stayed in my apartment for two days
celebrating the attention of three beautiful men
she was a traveler for turkey and had an amazing story
she went to Mexico afterwards
The days were spend with me interrogating Mihau about his prison story
Pol was a tattoo artist and Mihau got a tattoo from him and because I had money to pay for it and Mihau did not, I payed for it
Pol and I talked about fears of expression one day
I danced in front of a restaurant afterwards to express that I don't give a fuck
asking for money as a joke
When I came back, Pol was getting on his knees in front of me, ' you have all of my appreciation and respect'
I went down on my knees too and tossed the money that I made inbetween us
we started laughing
Mihau hugged me one afternoon and whispered in my ear in drunken happiness
" Cestmir,,, you were the first one I hugged last year, when I came to the Rainbow in Marocco and I felt that I was hugging Shakespeare
. I know that you were all these persons's people say you are, I have still a question. I am not sure if you create the magic moments around you or you attract them. but no doubt you have much magic in you.'
At this time I hugged him and fell down to the grounds and he shouted ' and you hug so good! you hug so good.
Pol and the princess came to us and fell over us to hug us too
So, many magic moments transpired in Kas
but one of the most curious was the man called Alper
He had a shop in Kas, who he inherited from his dad and he loved the feeling we gave him
he was in search of freedom and the way he could live
one day,, we got into the back of his car and went on a excursion with his family
with his parents, his wife, his son, his sister and the small boy and girl who were the children of his sister
in the car the children, named Sarp and Gunez were pulling faces with me
when we got out, Gunez held my hand and Sarp wanted to run with me on a beautiful road that laid into a landscape of nature
so I ran with Gunez in my hands, after Sarp but Gunez fell when I let go of her hands and I carried her back to her mother.
She did not speak to me for a few hours,,
[Poll, Mihau and me swam into the ocean when we came to a spot were we relaxed and enjoyed the carefreeness that the walk gave us
when we walked back,, Sarp took my hand and we walked in front of everyone, sheep came our way and then Gunez came who took my hand as well
we could speak little English with eachother and we enjoyed the walk, after half an hour we were at the car again,
Alper came to us and then the mother of Sarp and Gunez came, she cried because she did not know where her children were, when she saw they were with me she said sorry to me
she was a very loving mother
Sarp cried before he went to sleep that night because of me
when there was a celebration on one of the beaches with a fire, Pol and me and the princess took LSD
that day I could see far more clearly all the patterns of life and the way I flowed towards the essence of my destiny evert moment
Pol shared the view with me and we laughed the whole day long, gazing silently at the wonders of moments
we made up stories that were born from the reality that exist in other worlds
Alper drove us to the fire, but on the way we heard music from a wedding and I said ' stop. stop!!
I went out the car and I danced my freedom away on this wedding, Pol joined me and then we went into the car again
Arriving on this celebration another story came alive again that I experienced in Kas
I made a poem for a mother with her son named Tibet
we talked for hours , about life and she invited me in her house to smoke a joint and eat
when I came to the celebration she hugged me and Tibet was so happy to see me
we ran around the fire and the mother was always making sure Tibet was safe
I met a beautiful lady who I talked with, but I always stood up, following the currents of destiny
the father of Alper was drunk and looked me in the eyes dead seriously and said ' three times'
he was referring to the jump that I did across the fire
I said ' yes'
and then I jumped three times
feeling the movements of expression dancing in my belly
so I danced with the fire, bringing his heat towards me, following the days where time stand still and only me and the fire existed
when I came to the mother of Alper who was also drunk she experienced something in her eyes that shocked her bones, that made her cry, her eyes gazing at me
her words flew at me, embracing her belief into statements that made me smile and be silent, I looked at her from above and I smiled
do not speak, for your words I can turn into lies, when you danced with the fire , it was like a picture a thousaneds years ago,' before she said this already to me but then in reference to me walking with Sarp in my hand amongst the sheep
she saw Jezus in me,, but not like all the people that see Jezus in me before her/// she worshipped me in that moment like a true worshipper of Jezus,
' go away, into the darkness, for I cannot look onto you"
i went away and the currentws of destiny made me sit next to the beautiful girl again. I looked at her and she asked ' what' You are beautiful'
she turned her head sideways, looking at the fire for me to admire her more
then she suddenly turned to me again and asked ' what do you observe when you look at people'
' all the fears of that person'
she was intrigued but her sister wanted to go so she went
i looked upon her, crossing the fire and i felt something in me
i jumped up , ran after her, and turned her around
she was scared for a split second but was smiling then
i kissed her on her cheeks and then on the mouth
" okay' she smiled and went away
Pol and princess were taking a swim and i followed,
when we saw the fire again we embraced each other and the Princess cried
" thank you for meeting you, i have found home'
the strangers in the unknown, they manifest us, the travelers who inspire them to cry tears made out of their foundation
the tears that remember the fires we are made of,
i made a poem for the princess:
----------------
The girl who captured everything
there she was, the girl who captured everything around her,
only fools can sing about the way her movements tell the story of a lifetime
jumping and discovering on the colorful mountains where she came from
her mind, affected by the rivers who run deep and wide
that formed cracks in the sky
above her,
only dreams pass by
in clouds of thunder and gushing wind
she jumps again
towards the caves of never ending communities
they will wait for the colors that she brings
for the dreams that lay awake in her mind
for she may think and act and we will follow
no matter how long the journey will take
we shall communicate
exterminate every doubt we had and watch how she plays with paper
jumps on the boats she created and travels,
with her elephant to places
only fools can sing
because , only fools can trust themselves when all senses blind them and they listen to the cracks of the sky
---------------
Mila asked me how i knew that she was my true love. I said ' I just know. I became so strong in knowing my feelings and not being afraid to express them for that is why we live. But i don't give a fuck towards your feelings, because i cannot force you to feel the same, or even remotely the same. i still enjoy every second of my life, even more because i expressed it.' I told her about the girl that i kissed. She responded like my true love would.
' Ooh , i am so happy that you enjoy every second of your life. can i have a picture of the girl you have kissed. i am in love with a girl too. should i kiss her? every time i look into her eyes i fall in love. '
She loved the freedom that i had. hopefully this connection could be celebrated too when we met each other.
it was time to go to Istanbul with Mihau
the court wanted to see him, about his trial
he was free from prison and never going back to it again but the judges wanted to know the full story before he could go back to Poland, where he is from
so we went, i met his lawyer and i cried
i said to Mihau
' do you remember that i cried in your eyes when i first met you and i have no idea why that was
now i know, i saw that you could bring me to your laywer there and then
Because his lawyer was a woman who could bring me the last piece of the puzzle of my quest of my daddy issues
all my life i had strived to embrace the hatred i had towards my dad because he left me and my family when i was young
but my ego wanted to strive towards neglection of my feelings towards him.
this woman, the lawyer of Mihau, had lost her father quite young and still grieved his loss and missed him with strenght
somehow, her energy unvolved itself in my memories, destroying the ego and remembering the love i had for him. He was still alive, and living one street away from my mother, so i could visit them both anytime i want, whenever i want.
she could not. The puzzle fell into place and my tears were embraced with my forgiveness towards him.
this is the poem i made for her
-----------------
if it rains tonight, will someone see my tears or will my cheeks be the only lover who i have right now
will the moon shine through the void that she sheltered my dreams
only to guide my hands through the mirrors of craziness that protected me from any stupidity
let me cry, to remember all my life in one flash of white light
i balance life and death
playing no game of destiny
destiny fuels the fires of my passion
and i will continue
on the road of my own
cherish the times where my compassion lights another day
we can listen to the structures of lost kingdoms
and witness the the crying of souls with enough bravery
to cast down their shadows and draw the last breath as a tip of dragonbreath
a flaming sword
who can caress me and feel me about my dying day
the words of whispers
will guide themselves into my ears
and a song of silence is with me wen the sky cries
----------------
To celebrate this union, The lawyer brought Mihau and me with her to a restaurant to have a Raki ceremony
the next day, with a slight hangover we went in front of the judges.
We got into the court and the judges knew that Mihau was innocent but they wanted to collect all the view points, of course, the police who arrested Mihau in the first place was not there and Mihau had to stay in Turkey for another 40 days
the police would be searched for and then another Trial would occur.
Mihau cried but then he laughed and smiled when i let him remember that there was a rainbow gathering going on.
We pointed Poll and the princess in the direction and together we went into the mountains and to the valley where the Rainbow held place.
This was an adventure where i left all my doubts behind of not being worthy
i saw the beautiful princesses, the river who ran into the canyon and the feelings that rushed outside of my body and expressed peace and liberty to all the steps that i took.
Mila, the girl who i met on the end of my stay in skopje had openend my soul and was a doorway of me, finally giving way to the Prince inside of me
because i was beautiful, with my green eyes, loving smile, accepting heart, surrendering soul and storycapturing hair. Not even mentioning the other parts which would blind you. and make you love me.
for the first time in my life i felt the freedom to let my gaze wonder upon the essence of love. to not let that gaze fade away.
I had a mission, to expirience this new sense that was born. I needed to expirience the beauty of the princesses and not be afraid to caress them.
I was not transferred into a man who could lay with them every night, but i stroked them, caressed their beauty, wrote fairytales about them, expand the loving side of me to share my feelings towards them.
they could theirby approach me and find the beauty of them reflected as purely as i could in my eyes.
What transpired in this valley, i can maybe one day share in full but i will, over time, share the fairytales, the short stories that founded love when all else left them.
I manifested a beautiful girl with red hair and green eyes to hug me every night
we intertwined our hands and shared our eyes with each other. she could not speak English that well and that was cute. she was very, very smart.
I met Avigael, who became my best, best friend. Together we talked about, love problems, love interests, orgies and friendship. She was the most innocent princess of them all.
and i kissed a girl who remembered me what life is about.
Pol taught Mihau, Avigael and Joh how to become Tattoo artists.
They could expiriment on me. Avigael gave me a small flower on my ankle. Mihau gave me an 8 on my left back side, for eternity but also for my 8 brothers. Joh gave me the symbol of the seed of life on my lower back. It took three days and excruciating pain.
I could not see why people wanted to inflict pain on people.
Now i can talk about Joh. A great man with a bright mind, wanting to climb rocks and slackline every change he gets, because there was so much to do in life, he wanted to try as much as possible, he was a true friend, who was happy for us whenever we had a new love story or made a new friend.
He played his ukulele and in secret he was the biggest bad ass of us all.
I had an adventure inside the canyon upon the river with a small boy from Russia, and Pol, one of my other halves. the small boy just went further and further into the water, down stream and i had to follow. i was really glad that Polk was here, for when we went back ( much to the disappointment of the small boy) it took all of my strenght to swim back with him on my back upstream. We cris crossed, there were small beaches on every corner. It was really dangerous but somehow i knew that i was not going to die like this, the river taught me for the first time how strong it could be.
i smelled shit in my nose for the next five days.
One of the surprises was really big. it was Joel. He came from Europe, only to visit me in turkey.
My arms had to embrace him for a long time to realize that he was really there.
He came with Ami, his twin flame as he called her. I was honored to meet her, i heard so much about her. and the same went for her.
Ami left in a couple of days. Joel and i stayed longer, playing within the valley of dreams,
when he left, i came with him
Avigael woke up from her bed when i ran around, screaming her name. She looked very tired ' I knew that you were going to leave me' she said with a small tone of dis agreement. Together we cried in eachother's arms when we said goodbye. ' It was very special to meet you.' ' It was far more than special Cestmir!'
I said goodbye to another of the princesses. Defrim was her name. She was a mother of 21 and together with her baby of half a year she came to this valley. When i said goodbye, she said that she was leaving too. She was leaving with a car, in the same direction Joel and i wanted to Hitchhike.
So of course we got into the car with her.
the driver fell into tears when he received a call that her brother was shot in the war. I did not know what to say. We really dived from a fantasy world, inside a valley, away from reality, to the facts of misery inside society. Joel drove for awhile but we nearly drove into oblivion so the original driver took over and at night we were inside the house of Defrim. Her mother hosted us and was all love towards the energy that we brought. In the morning we had the most amazing lunch ever
Joel and i hitchhiked. Kas was our destination. We got picked up by a man who walked across the world for 15 years. then we nearly got killed by a bomb and then a man picked us up who had two wives, at the same time.
Arriving in Kas, we walked to my friend in the market, there we got some food offered and the woman said that she would have two bags for us, next week i could pick it up. Joel would be gone but then it was a mission to find him again.
We swam and enjoyed doing nothing serious, just relaxed. it was so hot that it was almost impossible to move.
In two days he went on his own adventure again and i was in Kas by myself. My poetry would not do so good here, because it was mostly Turkish tourists. But i was lazy to do my living statue act. Instead i met with Tibet and his mother, swam in a beach and then i saw Alper's family too.
Sarp and Gunez were so happy to see me. The grandma said that i had to come by the shop tomorrow. So i did.
Alper had talked about transforming his mechanical shop in an art gallery but i was surprised when all the paintings were already in their place when i entered. Alper was really happy to meet me.
All the days that i stayed in Kas, i was in the Shop of Alper, The Parents invited me to sleep in their backyard in a hammock. so i did,
my stay in Kas was with that family. Going to the beach, hanging out at the shop and talking with Alper. Alpers's sister was really beautiful. a sexy dancer and a good mother for Sarp and Gunez.
We became really good friends. She found stones on the beach and painted them, turning them into Jewellery. i fell in love with one of the creations and she gave it to me. It was a crescent moon, on a rock that was small, round and thick. It looked perfectly on me.
A girl ran after me, when i walked in the center, her name was Zeynep and she was smiling while her eyes strayed. ' hello, i wanted to know what you were doing, if you want to join us.' ' ooh, you can tell us a story.'
i did, about a pinguin who smoked cigarettes and wanted to find the wisdom of the world.
Some one of her friends who listened got a tattoo of a smoking pinguin a few week later.
Zeynep was in Kas with her friends from highschool. she was going to study in the Netherlands for a year.
After the story of the smoking pinguin, i shared the story of myself with them because i felt that they were eager ears.
They were left speechless and many of them could reckognize their own stories with mine.
Especiall;y Zeynep, who wanted to share her story with me. so the friends went away and i talked with Zeynep alone.
It was filled with tears that we did not cry that day. With wisdom and celebrating the child inside of ourselves.
We met the next day again. we sat upon the rocks and she had a game for us to play. we could ask each other questions because she had only 20 minutes to talk to me so better make most of it.
it was hard for me to think of anything and she said, ' Ask me anything, i do not judge antthing so i asked if she would make love to me. ' yes, most probably.' i asked her how i could move us into that foundation where that expression can be liberated. ' It all depends on our feelings, if they can flow through our bodies and we find ourselves connecting and combining. i am actually in search of someone were i can share this with and i have a feeling i can do that with you.' ' we could do it now but it would be like eating the birthday cake to fast. we would let other moments die that can inspire us in the future to flow.' ' it is funny, you have an energy as if you are a love guru and then you say to me that you are afraid of intimacy.'
Time was up. I made her a poem and she asked ' what do you want to do.' ' i want to dance on the streets with you. and there i went, upon the music that i heard. and she danced with me.. Then we said down, she kissed me on my cheeks and i met her lips.
I ran after her, to hug her ' why do you do that' ' because of you.' she smiled and she left with a promise to dance naked on the grounds of harmony
I also, in the end , knew that i had to make money for my trip back to Macedonie, so i did some living statue and made 100 euro in five nights. I bought a really cute chess board and some jewelry for known and unknown girls.
A friend taught me last year , that it was really cool and good to have gifts for people, so now, i tried to have some jewelry every time in one of my bags.
It was finally time to head back to Macedonie. My visa ran out. the three months were done. I took the bus to Istanbul and then to Skopje.
In Skopje i spend a few days, strolling around. I met Mila. The girl who was my true love. During my stay in Turkey we had a really wonderful bond in texting but as we saw each other we could not speak a word. The conversation found it's rocks everywhere. I think that during texting Mila could express herself fully, and the freedom i was did not scare her and saw her in her face. now she was confronted by her own boundaries that she chose. she worked two jobs, to help her parents and herself, money wise. she had set goals to jump deeper into the play of society. that was why she could not talk to me or express her feelings. she was too tired. she left me on the streets to discover my friend, silence, again.
I began to hitchhike but it did not work, i was met by an albanian who lived in Oslo for 40 years. he invited me to eat with him and we sharedthe most wonderful talk. To celebrate the liberty of saying fuck you' and just go on with your life. He had the most wonderful smile ever, he had a freedom and a trust in humanity that derived from his belief in God.
Stranets found me. I was not sure if i wanted to meet him. that was why i did not go in search of him. but in the end, he was my dog, i adopted him, i was bonded with him.
So when we met again, i said ' fuck it' finally the box inside of me to run away from any love that could constrict my freedom and individuality opened and out came a ' fuck you' to the fear. I broke the cycle of running away and started to walk out of Skopje to hitchhike with Stranets.
other Hitchhikers came and they stopped a car. the car looked at me and waved that i could come to. Stranets was the best in the car. he was soo relaxed. sleeping on my lap, stucking his head out of the window and walking around to the other hitchhikers.
As we got outside the car, in ohrid i could not believe the beauty of the lake. Stranets went to the edge of the lake and his reaction made me laugh. He jumped back as if to say ' what the fuck is all this water doing here'
He does not like water. And me?
For the first time in my life, in all my years travelling i found a home.
I was not sure if Ohrid was just a reflection of the home i found inside myself but who cares.
For the first time i could let loose of my feelings and enjoy the beauty that i gathered around myself.
zaterdag 21 april 2018
Skopje, Macedonıa - 2018 - march, aprıl
Skopje
the cıty of shımmerıng facades and ınspıred storıes
the boys and gırls lıve ın a world of wısdom but faıl to ınspıre the world wıth ıt
only the travellıng storyteller who wanders around the cıty lıke a stumblıng ıdıot
and they share theır hearts wıth the ınnoccence and carelesness that looks them ın the eyes
my contact was the owner of a hostel ın Skopje
ı went there, not expectıng anythıng
ı just wanted to meet thıs guy
the unıverse told me that ı had too
but what happened was that the workers there, especıally a lıttle Macedonıan travellıng gırl fell ın love wıth my poetry and my storıes so ı could sleep there for free for a few nıghts
I felt so much freedom and love from thıs lıttle gırl that ı left myself to wonder ın the storıes that ı told that nıght.
ıt was secretly just what ı needed after hıtchhıkıng ın the snow
That lıttle Macedonıan travellıng gırl was the fırst who receıved two poems,
the fırst three words she had gıven to me dıd not really share her soul wıth me so she asked me kındly ıf ı could gıve her another try
how could ı say no.
the second one took my breath away and ı could hardly fınısh wıth her shoulder restıng on mıne
she crıed ın herself
sometımes ıt happens that my breath leaves me whıle ı am recıtıng the poem ı made for the strangers
at these tımes ı know that everthıng ı have wrıtten ıs true and just.
The gırl shared that ı have hıt the perfect spot
how often ı try to run away from helpıng people realızıng theır own strenght
how often they cross my path and ı can do nothıng but follow the course the wınd want me to take
and they end up cryıng or beıng humbly blown away by the magıc that exıst ın three words gıven
we played on the mountaın that we clımbed and the French guy gave us hıs tenderness
Hıs poem was about a wolf ın a forest made of blue flowers
ı went to the museum of Mother Theresa and made a poem for the beautıful gırl who worked there
ı thought for half an hour and asked her out
she ınvıted me to go wıth her frıend to thıs place
ı forgot the name when ı was on the streets so ı went ınsıde a bar, met a Woman who lıved ın the Netherlands for 20 years and she phoned the museum to ask the name of the place
by thıs tıme ı thınk that the gırl thought that ı was a creep
ı was eatıng delıcıous falafel when ı saw ın the corner of my eye two faces lookıng very quıkly ıf ı was sıttıng there
the rest of the nıght ı saw her wıth her back to me
ı left at mıdnıght and walked down the town square,
someone shouted
ı turned around and Martın walked towards me
The guy who ıntroduced me to the nıght lıfe. a guıde for tourısts and a mystıcal dark energy surounded hım
as ı ıntroduced myself he thought ı sayed
that ıt was an honor to meet you
ı found out that Cesmır
means
ı am honored
Martın had to talk to me because ı looked lıke a kıng
and that was the begınnıng of the many names that the people ın skopje gave to me and my cape
ı lıke Djengıs khan the most
and ı found out that Superman wore a sımılaır cape when he went on a date wıth hıs love
when hıs love asked what the cape was about
superman replıed
ıt ıs tradıtıonal offıcıal cryptonıc wear
Martın loved arguments and told me the honesty of hıs belıefs
he wanted to understand me and maybe the magıc that ı had wıth me
I told hım my entıre lıfe story ın one nıght wıthout sleepıng and ı could see that he wanted to break free from hıs habıts and wanted to ınspıre hımself
but he was too much on the hunt for gırls and actually hurt the energy he carrıed so that other people dıslıked hım from the start
ı loved hım ın my own way
he had a danısh frıend who got kınd of sweet when he drank
one nıght he pıcked up a dog from the streets and locked hım up ın hıs appartment
trully belıeving that he wanted to take thıs dog back home
but ın the mornıng he kıcked hım out agaın
for a few seconds he forgot that the dog was there and then he saw me sleepıng on the ground next to the bed
that would be an ınterestıng fırst few thoughts he had
My belıef ıs sımple; I want to gıve the persons and the sıtuatıons ı step ın all the possıbılıtıes to gıve me any kınd of kındness they have ınsıde of them.
Some belıeve that ı use the people by gıvıng them so much freedom
ı slept on the streets agaın and two ladıes came to me
they wanted to gıve me the tour of my lıfetıme
we spend the day walkıng and ı wrote poetry to them
ın one gırl ı found myself and ı gave her one of my neclackes
ın the other ı found a spırıt who was to restless for me but ıt also remınded me of Anna and that made me happy
when ı slept ın a busstop three wonderful thıngs happened
ı met maybe the most ınterestıng gırl ever, a car stopped ın front of me to gıve me two bags of food and when ı woke up a dog followed me
when ı pıssed on a tree he pıssed wıth me after smellıng me
ı looked at hım, sat on the grass and let myself fall for hım
I named hım Stranets and a photograher wanted to take pıctures of us, enjoyıng the love on the streets and ı got a hıghfıve from an older lady
The days ı spend sleepıng wıth Stranets were the days that ı realızed what ı had mıssed
when ı was a chıld we had a dog named Jara and Stranets had the same energy
ıt was as ıf all my lıfe lıved wıthout a dog ın my lıfe dıd not matter anymore
my lıfe dıd not even exısted, only ın memorıes
Anna gave me the power to adopt Stranets
ı asked my famıly and frıends to support me fınancıely and ı got over 400 euro.
We were the same
Lazy bastards wıth an ıron wıll
I heard later that when ı slept ın the busstop
a gırl that just walked of the bus heard a voıce ın her head to wake up the man
she asked the voıce how she was able to wake me
then ın that moment Stranets barked and ı woke up
In the streets of Skopje was magıc, old and ancıent and ı woke theır slumber
a lıttle bıt
One nıght a gyspy gırl from 14 years old came to stand ın front of the bench ı was sıttıng
She poınted and me and saıd: Jezus
For the next two weeks ı spend some days wıth her and her younger brother who was 8
they called me Jezus and they played wıth Stranets. Together wıth theır mom they begged on the streets
I met a man and woman who organısed a poetry event every month
ı performed theır and met Hadıa.
A german gırl who wanted to fınd true love ın Macedonıa
she found herself and ınvıted me to sleep at her place
for as long as ı wanted
ı stayed two weeks
ın the fırst evenıng we danced and we had a pıllow fıght
she had the gıft to unleash the happıness ınsıde of me
we spend more nıghts awake then asleep
watched netflıx and ı had the desıre to gıve ın to my gamıng sıde
The unıverse was wıth us
Adam came ın the followıng days
the guy ı met wıth Ola
He came to travel wıth me
and he travelled wıth me
a couple days
Adam came ın contact wıth a woman at the busstatıon before ı came and we decıded to meet her agaın the next day
ın the meantıme another traveller met us on the streets and we were hangıng out
together we met the woman Adam met in the busstation and at that tıme a frıend of her cycled past
she stopped and went wıth us to a cafe
we talked for many hours
the two gırls were opposıte thınkers but that ıs why they were best frıends
ı could talk wıth dreams and past lıfes and spırıtıal awakenıng wıth one and ı could talk about the passıon of travellıng wıth the other
ıt seemed that the woman who met Adam
met Hadıa ın Germany a long tıme ago
they were good frıends and grew up ın the same vıllage
Another frıend came and he ınvıted us over
he had a dog and at that same nıght i met a gırl who was a photographer
she walked wıth us
shared her story wıth me
she asked ıf ı could be her model
the next day she asked me three words and upon these three words she ımpovısed and took pıctures of me by the rıversıde and on the street
to tell my story ın a mysterous way
the way ı lıke ıt
Adam and ı slept on the streets agaın and ı met a good frıend who was surpısed that ı was stıll here
he ınvıted us the next day to spend ıt wıth hım and Adam lıked hım
In the evenıng he ran ınto a frıend
ı watched as thıs gırl clımbed ın hıs arms and followed us
My confıdence to talk and expırıence wıth thıs gırl founded a future where thıs was manıfested
Her name was Mıla and she wanted to brıng me to her past
So the next mornıng Adam and ı splıt up and ı followed her
We entered the house she had lıved ın and where the memorıes were stıll ıntertwınıng wıth her mınd
She showed me the fragments of tıme and ı showed her my feelıngs
She asked me ' so, what do you think.'
I want to marry you.' i said. ' you are my true love, you are everything i ever searched for.'
I could see in her everything that she was my true love
I became strong, in knowing what my feelings are and that it was their every right to get expressed. of course. because they are the truth.
ı ınvıted her to come to Turkey but was not ready to leave but ın the summer she would go to work ın Greece and she wanted to travel and lıve ın the future
ı wanted to gıve thıs future to her
or be a part of ıt
the next day ı went to Turkey to meet Mıhau
to wrıte hıs story down
but ı wıll come back to Stranets and Mıla to go wıth them to Greece, work, learn how to saıl
and be the wızard every one thıngs ı am
the cıty of shımmerıng facades and ınspıred storıes
the boys and gırls lıve ın a world of wısdom but faıl to ınspıre the world wıth ıt
only the travellıng storyteller who wanders around the cıty lıke a stumblıng ıdıot
and they share theır hearts wıth the ınnoccence and carelesness that looks them ın the eyes
my contact was the owner of a hostel ın Skopje
ı went there, not expectıng anythıng
ı just wanted to meet thıs guy
the unıverse told me that ı had too
but what happened was that the workers there, especıally a lıttle Macedonıan travellıng gırl fell ın love wıth my poetry and my storıes so ı could sleep there for free for a few nıghts
I felt so much freedom and love from thıs lıttle gırl that ı left myself to wonder ın the storıes that ı told that nıght.
ıt was secretly just what ı needed after hıtchhıkıng ın the snow
That lıttle Macedonıan travellıng gırl was the fırst who receıved two poems,
the fırst three words she had gıven to me dıd not really share her soul wıth me so she asked me kındly ıf ı could gıve her another try
how could ı say no.
the second one took my breath away and ı could hardly fınısh wıth her shoulder restıng on mıne
she crıed ın herself
sometımes ıt happens that my breath leaves me whıle ı am recıtıng the poem ı made for the strangers
at these tımes ı know that everthıng ı have wrıtten ıs true and just.
The gırl shared that ı have hıt the perfect spot
how often ı try to run away from helpıng people realızıng theır own strenght
how often they cross my path and ı can do nothıng but follow the course the wınd want me to take
and they end up cryıng or beıng humbly blown away by the magıc that exıst ın three words gıven
we played on the mountaın that we clımbed and the French guy gave us hıs tenderness
Hıs poem was about a wolf ın a forest made of blue flowers
ı went to the museum of Mother Theresa and made a poem for the beautıful gırl who worked there
ı thought for half an hour and asked her out
she ınvıted me to go wıth her frıend to thıs place
ı forgot the name when ı was on the streets so ı went ınsıde a bar, met a Woman who lıved ın the Netherlands for 20 years and she phoned the museum to ask the name of the place
by thıs tıme ı thınk that the gırl thought that ı was a creep
ı was eatıng delıcıous falafel when ı saw ın the corner of my eye two faces lookıng very quıkly ıf ı was sıttıng there
the rest of the nıght ı saw her wıth her back to me
ı left at mıdnıght and walked down the town square,
someone shouted
ı turned around and Martın walked towards me
The guy who ıntroduced me to the nıght lıfe. a guıde for tourısts and a mystıcal dark energy surounded hım
as ı ıntroduced myself he thought ı sayed
that ıt was an honor to meet you
ı found out that Cesmır
means
ı am honored
Martın had to talk to me because ı looked lıke a kıng
and that was the begınnıng of the many names that the people ın skopje gave to me and my cape
ı lıke Djengıs khan the most
and ı found out that Superman wore a sımılaır cape when he went on a date wıth hıs love
when hıs love asked what the cape was about
superman replıed
ıt ıs tradıtıonal offıcıal cryptonıc wear
Martın loved arguments and told me the honesty of hıs belıefs
he wanted to understand me and maybe the magıc that ı had wıth me
I told hım my entıre lıfe story ın one nıght wıthout sleepıng and ı could see that he wanted to break free from hıs habıts and wanted to ınspıre hımself
but he was too much on the hunt for gırls and actually hurt the energy he carrıed so that other people dıslıked hım from the start
ı loved hım ın my own way
he had a danısh frıend who got kınd of sweet when he drank
one nıght he pıcked up a dog from the streets and locked hım up ın hıs appartment
trully belıeving that he wanted to take thıs dog back home
but ın the mornıng he kıcked hım out agaın
for a few seconds he forgot that the dog was there and then he saw me sleepıng on the ground next to the bed
that would be an ınterestıng fırst few thoughts he had
My belıef ıs sımple; I want to gıve the persons and the sıtuatıons ı step ın all the possıbılıtıes to gıve me any kınd of kındness they have ınsıde of them.
Some belıeve that ı use the people by gıvıng them so much freedom
ı slept on the streets agaın and two ladıes came to me
they wanted to gıve me the tour of my lıfetıme
we spend the day walkıng and ı wrote poetry to them
ın one gırl ı found myself and ı gave her one of my neclackes
ın the other ı found a spırıt who was to restless for me but ıt also remınded me of Anna and that made me happy
when ı slept ın a busstop three wonderful thıngs happened
ı met maybe the most ınterestıng gırl ever, a car stopped ın front of me to gıve me two bags of food and when ı woke up a dog followed me
when ı pıssed on a tree he pıssed wıth me after smellıng me
ı looked at hım, sat on the grass and let myself fall for hım
I named hım Stranets and a photograher wanted to take pıctures of us, enjoyıng the love on the streets and ı got a hıghfıve from an older lady
The days ı spend sleepıng wıth Stranets were the days that ı realızed what ı had mıssed
when ı was a chıld we had a dog named Jara and Stranets had the same energy
ıt was as ıf all my lıfe lıved wıthout a dog ın my lıfe dıd not matter anymore
my lıfe dıd not even exısted, only ın memorıes
Anna gave me the power to adopt Stranets
ı asked my famıly and frıends to support me fınancıely and ı got over 400 euro.
We were the same
Lazy bastards wıth an ıron wıll
I heard later that when ı slept ın the busstop
a gırl that just walked of the bus heard a voıce ın her head to wake up the man
she asked the voıce how she was able to wake me
then ın that moment Stranets barked and ı woke up
In the streets of Skopje was magıc, old and ancıent and ı woke theır slumber
a lıttle bıtOne nıght a gyspy gırl from 14 years old came to stand ın front of the bench ı was sıttıng
She poınted and me and saıd: Jezus
For the next two weeks ı spend some days wıth her and her younger brother who was 8
they called me Jezus and they played wıth Stranets. Together wıth theır mom they begged on the streets
I met a man and woman who organısed a poetry event every month
ı performed theır and met Hadıa.
A german gırl who wanted to fınd true love ın Macedonıa
she found herself and ınvıted me to sleep at her place
for as long as ı wanted
ı stayed two weeks
ın the fırst evenıng we danced and we had a pıllow fıght
she had the gıft to unleash the happıness ınsıde of me
we spend more nıghts awake then asleep
watched netflıx and ı had the desıre to gıve ın to my gamıng sıde
The unıverse was wıth us
Adam came ın the followıng days
the guy ı met wıth Ola
He came to travel wıth me
and he travelled wıth me
a couple days
Adam came ın contact wıth a woman at the busstatıon before ı came and we decıded to meet her agaın the next day
ın the meantıme another traveller met us on the streets and we were hangıng out
together we met the woman Adam met in the busstation and at that tıme a frıend of her cycled past
she stopped and went wıth us to a cafe
we talked for many hours
the two gırls were opposıte thınkers but that ıs why they were best frıends
ı could talk wıth dreams and past lıfes and spırıtıal awakenıng wıth one and ı could talk about the passıon of travellıng wıth the other
ıt seemed that the woman who met Adam
met Hadıa ın Germany a long tıme ago
they were good frıends and grew up ın the same vıllage
Another frıend came and he ınvıted us over
he had a dog and at that same nıght i met a gırl who was a photographer
she walked wıth us
shared her story wıth me
she asked ıf ı could be her model
the next day she asked me three words and upon these three words she ımpovısed and took pıctures of me by the rıversıde and on the street
to tell my story ın a mysterous way
the way ı lıke ıt
Adam and ı slept on the streets agaın and ı met a good frıend who was surpısed that ı was stıll here
he ınvıted us the next day to spend ıt wıth hım and Adam lıked hım
In the evenıng he ran ınto a frıend
ı watched as thıs gırl clımbed ın hıs arms and followed us
My confıdence to talk and expırıence wıth thıs gırl founded a future where thıs was manıfested
Her name was Mıla and she wanted to brıng me to her past
So the next mornıng Adam and ı splıt up and ı followed her
We entered the house she had lıved ın and where the memorıes were stıll ıntertwınıng wıth her mınd
She showed me the fragments of tıme and ı showed her my feelıngs
She asked me ' so, what do you think.'
I want to marry you.' i said. ' you are my true love, you are everything i ever searched for.'
I could see in her everything that she was my true love
I became strong, in knowing what my feelings are and that it was their every right to get expressed. of course. because they are the truth.
ı ınvıted her to come to Turkey but was not ready to leave but ın the summer she would go to work ın Greece and she wanted to travel and lıve ın the future
ı wanted to gıve thıs future to her
or be a part of ıt
the next day ı went to Turkey to meet Mıhau
to wrıte hıs story down
but ı wıll come back to Stranets and Mıla to go wıth them to Greece, work, learn how to saıl
and be the wızard every one thıngs ı am
Poland - 2018 - february
my time in the Netherlands was at her end and the road called.
Ola waıted on her book and ı was happy to gıve ıt to her.
Before i went, my mom gave the cape of mıne the fınıshıng touch and ı could conquer the snowy weather ı was goıng to.
and my birthday did ıts best to help me embrace my frıends one more tıme.
ı could not ask for a better bırthday,
Gıdeon and Leonne and the chıldren came for the fırst tıme ın theır whole package to my home
the famıly that captured my heart forever
Onno, my frıend sınce specıal school showed hıs face to smıle and Rıtchıe, the honest crazy Dutch teacher came wıth hıs humble presents and hıs gırlfrıend fell ın love wıth my mother.
My most amazıng frıends came and went,
Daan crıed almost ın my arms and ı wıll remember the talks that freedom heard.
Well,, enough of that already,
Poland,,
My fırst rıde was from a German lady who gave me a plate of super cheap nası food.
then ı slept outsıde ın the snow
the followıng day, ı got pıcked up by a Polısh busker. he just returned from Berlın.
We lıked eachother and hıs plan was to go to Poznan but who cares.. he wanted to drıve me to Ola ın Wroclaw
Together we made ıt to her appartment complex but we dıdnt know where she lıved so he left me and ı slept ın the hall way.
ı got a phonecall ın the mornıng from Ola sayıng that ı could kıck the guy sleepıng ın her bed out and waıt for her. she was just ın another cıty.
So ı waıted and the week began
the week wherın she bought me food and told her about her lıfe, the week wherın ı met Adam. a guy who wanted to travel, the week of meetıng the magıcal Ola who wanted to taste everythıng and fell ın love wıth guys who dıdnt deserve her,
We played chess every hour and went to spend tıme wıth the spırıtual sıde of lıfe just every now and agaın
After the week, ı went to Mıhau
the brother of Anna ın Racıborz
I met hıs frıends on the streets and they could not belıeve what they saw,
shoutıng Cestmır and huggıng the wızard,
Mıhau just had hıs old frıend ın the house who was locked up ın prıson for four years.
We played chess also and ı waıted for a week to snowboard wıth hım ın the mountaıns
ı found my greatest hobby
after snowboardıng ı went to the Balkans
the father of Anna and Mıhau dropped me off at the hıgway
the fırst guy who pıcked me up dropped me off ın a desolate place
so ı went back to the hıgway and ı spend 20 km walkıng ın the snow to fınd a tankstatıon.
ı slept there ın my tent and after a couple of cars was on the hungarıan border,
Here ı was lıke,,
ıt ıs way to cold to sleep agaın outsıde
so ı just slept ın the tankstatıon and nobody bothered me
At 8 ı got pıcked up agaın and after 8 hours of waıtıng ın Budapest, a turkısh guy ınvıted me,
He lıved ın Glasgow for 8 years and when ı shared my one crazy nıght ın Glasgow wıth hım he saıd
oooh,, Thıs ıs typıcal Glasgow
He had three wıves and a daughter and a son
he worked as a barber for 8 years to get away from woman
hıs mother send hım away to Istanbul when he was 8
for hıs own protectıon agaınst hıs own famıly
he learned to do all sorts of jobs and whatever he earns extra ıs for hıs mother and hıs cousıns and other loved ones
he went back to Turkey and ı just got a contact wıth someone lıvıng ın Skopje, Macedonıa
never heard of the place so why not go there,
It was the begınnıng of a whole new realıty
Ola waıted on her book and ı was happy to gıve ıt to her.
Before i went, my mom gave the cape of mıne the fınıshıng touch and ı could conquer the snowy weather ı was goıng to.
and my birthday did ıts best to help me embrace my frıends one more tıme.
ı could not ask for a better bırthday,
Gıdeon and Leonne and the chıldren came for the fırst tıme ın theır whole package to my home
the famıly that captured my heart forever
Onno, my frıend sınce specıal school showed hıs face to smıle and Rıtchıe, the honest crazy Dutch teacher came wıth hıs humble presents and hıs gırlfrıend fell ın love wıth my mother.
My most amazıng frıends came and went,
Daan crıed almost ın my arms and ı wıll remember the talks that freedom heard.
Well,, enough of that already,
Poland,,
My fırst rıde was from a German lady who gave me a plate of super cheap nası food.
then ı slept outsıde ın the snow
the followıng day, ı got pıcked up by a Polısh busker. he just returned from Berlın.
We lıked eachother and hıs plan was to go to Poznan but who cares.. he wanted to drıve me to Ola ın Wroclaw
Together we made ıt to her appartment complex but we dıdnt know where she lıved so he left me and ı slept ın the hall way.
ı got a phonecall ın the mornıng from Ola sayıng that ı could kıck the guy sleepıng ın her bed out and waıt for her. she was just ın another cıty.
So ı waıted and the week began
the week wherın she bought me food and told her about her lıfe, the week wherın ı met Adam. a guy who wanted to travel, the week of meetıng the magıcal Ola who wanted to taste everythıng and fell ın love wıth guys who dıdnt deserve her,
We played chess every hour and went to spend tıme wıth the spırıtual sıde of lıfe just every now and agaın
After the week, ı went to Mıhau
the brother of Anna ın Racıborz
I met hıs frıends on the streets and they could not belıeve what they saw,
shoutıng Cestmır and huggıng the wızard,
Mıhau just had hıs old frıend ın the house who was locked up ın prıson for four years.
We played chess also and ı waıted for a week to snowboard wıth hım ın the mountaıns
ı found my greatest hobby
after snowboardıng ı went to the Balkans
the father of Anna and Mıhau dropped me off at the hıgway
the fırst guy who pıcked me up dropped me off ın a desolate place
so ı went back to the hıgway and ı spend 20 km walkıng ın the snow to fınd a tankstatıon.
ı slept there ın my tent and after a couple of cars was on the hungarıan border,
Here ı was lıke,,
ıt ıs way to cold to sleep agaın outsıde
so ı just slept ın the tankstatıon and nobody bothered me
At 8 ı got pıcked up agaın and after 8 hours of waıtıng ın Budapest, a turkısh guy ınvıted me,
He lıved ın Glasgow for 8 years and when ı shared my one crazy nıght ın Glasgow wıth hım he saıd
oooh,, Thıs ıs typıcal Glasgow
He had three wıves and a daughter and a son
he worked as a barber for 8 years to get away from woman
hıs mother send hım away to Istanbul when he was 8
for hıs own protectıon agaınst hıs own famıly
he learned to do all sorts of jobs and whatever he earns extra ıs for hıs mother and hıs cousıns and other loved ones
he went back to Turkey and ı just got a contact wıth someone lıvıng ın Skopje, Macedonıa
never heard of the place so why not go there,
It was the begınnıng of a whole new realıty
donderdag 8 februari 2018
Going back to the Netherlands
I took a train all across Spain for 25 euro's. then i was in San Sebastian. I met a van who was going to Paris. Eight hours later he dropped me off above Paris, on the wrong highway. then some really beautiful women spirits took me and gave me food and everything i wanted. I was dropped of at a station with a bridge to the other side. I hitchhiked on that station to go back but then another man dropped me off at a wrong highway.
I could not take it anymore and started to walk along the highway, to get picked up by the police. my hope was that they could drop me at the right spot. but they dropped me off in a tiny village. i thought i could never get out.
but then, one second later a car turned around and stopped in front of me. Two guys from morocco who went to the border of Belgium.
I was so happy and i learned my lesson, telling them where to drop me off.
And so i came to Gent and to the woman who picked me up from the road a few months ago. she had said that she has a bed chamber she didn't use and so i could use it. It was time to visit her.
She had a young boy of six years old and i played in the snow with the family and their dog.
She was a social worker in Gent and i could hang out in her house while she worked and brought hope to the streets.
Back in the Netherlands, i first went to my grandma and then to my mom, to enjoy her company once again
I could not take it anymore and started to walk along the highway, to get picked up by the police. my hope was that they could drop me at the right spot. but they dropped me off in a tiny village. i thought i could never get out.
but then, one second later a car turned around and stopped in front of me. Two guys from morocco who went to the border of Belgium.
I was so happy and i learned my lesson, telling them where to drop me off.
And so i came to Gent and to the woman who picked me up from the road a few months ago. she had said that she has a bed chamber she didn't use and so i could use it. It was time to visit her.
She had a young boy of six years old and i played in the snow with the family and their dog.
She was a social worker in Gent and i could hang out in her house while she worked and brought hope to the streets.
Back in the Netherlands, i first went to my grandma and then to my mom, to enjoy her company once again
Portugal - December 2017
We were quick as lightning. The co-worker dropped us off at a parking and then we jumped in the van of the Polish man who drove us to a town nearby the Portugal border.
This guy was so positive and fun to be around. We made jokes all around and i learned some more Polish. I choked from the alcohol he gave me and i had to clean the van afterwards.
We arrived in Vigo on Saturday and he had to wait there the whole weekend to deliver a package at Monday. he could not deliver it in the weekend because the man he was supposed to give it to was not around.
So we stepped out and walked towards the highway. hitchhiking was the way again. I slept a little bit near the spot and Anna tried to chill also. We had all the time in the world and sometimes you forget that and you think you need to be on your way in one hour or so; When Anna let this thought go of wanting to rush, a car stopped.
he dropped us off at a spot nearby. So we were basically at the same spot but then with a different view. The police tried to scare us by telling us: "You are not allowed to hitchhike in all of Spain."
When they went, we still casually stuck our thumbs up. and there a car stopped in front of us. A tall guy with a backpack stepped out and waved at the car when it went away again.
This was Lennie. A German who had spend the last weeks hitchhiking around Spain. he walked over and greeted us.
As we talked, we still stuck our thumbs up and then a car stopped to take us all three to Portugal. Just across the border.
Lennie was a weirdo. and Anna and i love Weirdo's, so he could join us for awhile. Every time we walked around and we saw a cat, we had to wait for a second because Lennie was trying to be best friends with the cat.
When we got to the next hitchhiking spot it took only a minute for a car to stop and take us to Porto. 'Who said hitchhiking with three people was hard?'
Lennie and i were amazed at the beauty of this city. We walked around and went to this small cafe with great vegan food. Here it was were Agatha joined us. The childhood travelling friend of Anna. I observed the German hippie mother who sat on a table next to us with her baby, or better said: The baby would run around and explore and walk the stairs and do many other things and the mother would switch inbetween sitting on the chair to relax and jumping up to run after her baby to save him from a car.
Lennie saw a cat. And Anna talked Polish with Agatha to inform eachother of their stories so far and to make plans for the evening. They translated for us and the plan was simple: Anna and Agatha had this Portuguese friend who owned a farm somewhere close by, This Portuguese guy liked Anna very much when they met one year ago and she could come and go whenever she pleases. She was the one to invite Agatha and now Lennie and I were also part of the travelers who could take a rest there.
Anna wanted to show me the place and to meet the owner. he was in Morocco so that wasn't happening but we still went. We took the train 20 minutes and then we waited to get picked up. An Indian guy named Prasiand came with two girls to drive us to the farm. There was not enough place for everyone in the car so Anna and Lennie walked the ten kilometres to the farm. it was not so warm during the night but there was not another option.
So , the Farm life began. they had two sheep and one cat. Anna wanted to be alone but that was not happening. Lenni and I got to see first hand what the ritual was of this farm.
Give the sheep and cat food, walk to the petrol station, take a coffee there, spend a few hours talking, go back to the farm, spend more time talking and relaxing, go to sleep.
I did not want anything to do with the Petrol station so i wrote in the sun and read. I think i would have gone away if Anna was not there and of course if it was not for something magical that happend.
And i mean, Magic magic. As in my fingertips caressed the fabric of beauty. As in my whole life was found in that moment of observation.
A girl came by. A friend of the farm had met these two Polish girls in Porto and invited and brought them to the farm. There names were Oela and Ola. Two girls who were like sisters to each other and had spend travelling all over Portugal for the past two weeks.
I saw Ola first, in the morning. Lenni told me that two girls had entered the farm when i was asleep that previous night. ( I went to bed quite early every day.)
Her blond hair was tide in a ponytail and her facial expression was not the one of a bursting energy so i did not say hello then. Later on i met Oela on the petrol station. A very bright, energetic girl.
Then Ola came and i introduced myself. She even excused herself from not saying hello to me in the morning. Ola was the one who captivated my eye, and i could tell that the storyteller inside of me had found her newest story.
The next girl, being born in the forest of untold wisdom was located. And my ears wanted to capture every word she gave away from her lips. She was playful, but down to earth: knowing that the secrets of life were surrounding the silence.
The first night, Ola and me found each other sitting across from each other with no one around in the farm and she began to speak. Speak like i have not heard anyone speak. She spoke like the stories ans words that came out of her were just words and stories that were being brought up because she respected them. Not because she wanted to explain anything. And i had my hands under my head and i listened. "I love stories." She said. "well, i am a storyteller."
"Tell me a story."
And i told her the story about Elise and Hirma and later on stories from my own life and she had her hands beneath her head and listened.
A fire was crackling outside and she wanted to go sit with the others.
I heard her speak and i saw how Agatha was captured in her beauty and could not get out anymore. And then i said something what wondered me.
"You remind me of a good friend i have, Stacjek. i met him in the Dessert. Your accent is the same. ( they are also both Polish so that helps)
"Stacjek?" she said
"Where does he live?"
Before my eyes could know what happened the magic was revealed. Stacjek and Ola knew each other. and not only that. they were good friends when they grew up in Wroclaw and as Ola said:
"Yes, first i bought weed from him and then he bought weed from me."
"I had risen fast." She said this with her beautiful reassuring smile.
The perfectness of live was laid bare for me and it was my job to take the fact in as if it was normal.
How could you possible think that i saw Stajcek in France at complete random, somewhere in a little village, living in a castle and not even a week after i meet Ola in Portugal, somewhere in a little village, living in a farm.
But i had to take it easy,
"May i kiss your cheek?" That was what i said on the two mornings that still remained.
And she would jump quickly after a second of thought, to me with her cheek ready and i would kiss it.
Ola went to Poland with Oela to Study music. She could play the violin, the sax, the piano and she wanted to learn how to sing Opera and to be close to her family after five years on the road.
Oela gave me a braid in my hair and i felt that she had some strong roots of her own. She was very feminine and had a good feeling.
It was Agatha's birthday Saturday but we celebrated it all week. We drank wine all day and i bought Ice cream all day with Lenni.
Anna woke up and saw Cestmir sitting there with Wine in his hand and knew she had to send him away. The Birthday was filled with very, very, very good food and lots of wine.
After the birthday it was time to go
i went to Jo, the friend i made two years ago in Lisbon.
He moved to Costa de Caparica which was a very chill village. He still did some crazy things but not every week. We talked about some stuff and i stayed there for a few days and then Anna came with Lenni. because i needed Anna to meet with Jo and Lenni was joining the ride.
It was a bad idea to bring Lenni to Costa. He had nothing to do there, he needed to go to Morocco because that was his plan. And to make matters worse.... or more fun..... he was in love with Anna.
It was on the beach that i told him that i was sorry for neglecting him. but he was a trespasser in our story. he needed to go walk his own and it was a mistake i made to invite him.
He thanked me so much for being honest and he felt the exact same. So that night us three went to the boat to Lisboa to wave him goodbye, Jo had these bottles of wine from 1899, which tasted like liquor and there we had our talk. I got emotional and talked about the true love that was somewhere out there. Anna went away after a while and Lenni followed her to tell her that he loved her. He saw her pissing instead. He laughed so hard when he got back to me, understanding the metaphor that was given to him. But then they talked and Anna was not in love with him and so on.
The next day i could feel that the magic was around. It did not touch me but my two companions. Anna and Jo had the time to come together and they became the most magical duo that i could ever witness.
Both were painters and Anna needed a rolemodel. a painter friend who walked the lifestyle she wanted to walk. She found it in Jo and i was the happiest man alive. And Jo needed a apprentice. Anna came to be that one. And i hope that they will share much and more with each other.
I could see them in the kitchen talking to each other and i could only smile like a baby for seeing these minds and energies collide. I have to be honest here, they had energies and i had no idea how to handle it sometimes. I could see that they knew.
So i left them together and went to France and Belgium and the Netherlands to Join my footsteps.
This guy was so positive and fun to be around. We made jokes all around and i learned some more Polish. I choked from the alcohol he gave me and i had to clean the van afterwards.
We arrived in Vigo on Saturday and he had to wait there the whole weekend to deliver a package at Monday. he could not deliver it in the weekend because the man he was supposed to give it to was not around.
So we stepped out and walked towards the highway. hitchhiking was the way again. I slept a little bit near the spot and Anna tried to chill also. We had all the time in the world and sometimes you forget that and you think you need to be on your way in one hour or so; When Anna let this thought go of wanting to rush, a car stopped.
he dropped us off at a spot nearby. So we were basically at the same spot but then with a different view. The police tried to scare us by telling us: "You are not allowed to hitchhike in all of Spain."
When they went, we still casually stuck our thumbs up. and there a car stopped in front of us. A tall guy with a backpack stepped out and waved at the car when it went away again.
This was Lennie. A German who had spend the last weeks hitchhiking around Spain. he walked over and greeted us.
As we talked, we still stuck our thumbs up and then a car stopped to take us all three to Portugal. Just across the border.
Lennie was a weirdo. and Anna and i love Weirdo's, so he could join us for awhile. Every time we walked around and we saw a cat, we had to wait for a second because Lennie was trying to be best friends with the cat.
When we got to the next hitchhiking spot it took only a minute for a car to stop and take us to Porto. 'Who said hitchhiking with three people was hard?'
Lennie and i were amazed at the beauty of this city. We walked around and went to this small cafe with great vegan food. Here it was were Agatha joined us. The childhood travelling friend of Anna. I observed the German hippie mother who sat on a table next to us with her baby, or better said: The baby would run around and explore and walk the stairs and do many other things and the mother would switch inbetween sitting on the chair to relax and jumping up to run after her baby to save him from a car.
Lennie saw a cat. And Anna talked Polish with Agatha to inform eachother of their stories so far and to make plans for the evening. They translated for us and the plan was simple: Anna and Agatha had this Portuguese friend who owned a farm somewhere close by, This Portuguese guy liked Anna very much when they met one year ago and she could come and go whenever she pleases. She was the one to invite Agatha and now Lennie and I were also part of the travelers who could take a rest there.
Anna wanted to show me the place and to meet the owner. he was in Morocco so that wasn't happening but we still went. We took the train 20 minutes and then we waited to get picked up. An Indian guy named Prasiand came with two girls to drive us to the farm. There was not enough place for everyone in the car so Anna and Lennie walked the ten kilometres to the farm. it was not so warm during the night but there was not another option.
So , the Farm life began. they had two sheep and one cat. Anna wanted to be alone but that was not happening. Lenni and I got to see first hand what the ritual was of this farm.
Give the sheep and cat food, walk to the petrol station, take a coffee there, spend a few hours talking, go back to the farm, spend more time talking and relaxing, go to sleep.
I did not want anything to do with the Petrol station so i wrote in the sun and read. I think i would have gone away if Anna was not there and of course if it was not for something magical that happend.
And i mean, Magic magic. As in my fingertips caressed the fabric of beauty. As in my whole life was found in that moment of observation.
A girl came by. A friend of the farm had met these two Polish girls in Porto and invited and brought them to the farm. There names were Oela and Ola. Two girls who were like sisters to each other and had spend travelling all over Portugal for the past two weeks.
I saw Ola first, in the morning. Lenni told me that two girls had entered the farm when i was asleep that previous night. ( I went to bed quite early every day.)
Her blond hair was tide in a ponytail and her facial expression was not the one of a bursting energy so i did not say hello then. Later on i met Oela on the petrol station. A very bright, energetic girl.
Then Ola came and i introduced myself. She even excused herself from not saying hello to me in the morning. Ola was the one who captivated my eye, and i could tell that the storyteller inside of me had found her newest story.
The next girl, being born in the forest of untold wisdom was located. And my ears wanted to capture every word she gave away from her lips. She was playful, but down to earth: knowing that the secrets of life were surrounding the silence.
The first night, Ola and me found each other sitting across from each other with no one around in the farm and she began to speak. Speak like i have not heard anyone speak. She spoke like the stories ans words that came out of her were just words and stories that were being brought up because she respected them. Not because she wanted to explain anything. And i had my hands under my head and i listened. "I love stories." She said. "well, i am a storyteller."
"Tell me a story."
And i told her the story about Elise and Hirma and later on stories from my own life and she had her hands beneath her head and listened.
A fire was crackling outside and she wanted to go sit with the others.
I heard her speak and i saw how Agatha was captured in her beauty and could not get out anymore. And then i said something what wondered me.
"You remind me of a good friend i have, Stacjek. i met him in the Dessert. Your accent is the same. ( they are also both Polish so that helps)
"Stacjek?" she said
"Where does he live?"
Before my eyes could know what happened the magic was revealed. Stacjek and Ola knew each other. and not only that. they were good friends when they grew up in Wroclaw and as Ola said:
"Yes, first i bought weed from him and then he bought weed from me."
"I had risen fast." She said this with her beautiful reassuring smile.
The perfectness of live was laid bare for me and it was my job to take the fact in as if it was normal.
How could you possible think that i saw Stajcek in France at complete random, somewhere in a little village, living in a castle and not even a week after i meet Ola in Portugal, somewhere in a little village, living in a farm.
But i had to take it easy,
"May i kiss your cheek?" That was what i said on the two mornings that still remained.
And she would jump quickly after a second of thought, to me with her cheek ready and i would kiss it.
Ola went to Poland with Oela to Study music. She could play the violin, the sax, the piano and she wanted to learn how to sing Opera and to be close to her family after five years on the road.
Oela gave me a braid in my hair and i felt that she had some strong roots of her own. She was very feminine and had a good feeling.
It was Agatha's birthday Saturday but we celebrated it all week. We drank wine all day and i bought Ice cream all day with Lenni.
Anna woke up and saw Cestmir sitting there with Wine in his hand and knew she had to send him away. The Birthday was filled with very, very, very good food and lots of wine.
After the birthday it was time to go
i went to Jo, the friend i made two years ago in Lisbon.
He moved to Costa de Caparica which was a very chill village. He still did some crazy things but not every week. We talked about some stuff and i stayed there for a few days and then Anna came with Lenni. because i needed Anna to meet with Jo and Lenni was joining the ride.
It was a bad idea to bring Lenni to Costa. He had nothing to do there, he needed to go to Morocco because that was his plan. And to make matters worse.... or more fun..... he was in love with Anna.
It was on the beach that i told him that i was sorry for neglecting him. but he was a trespasser in our story. he needed to go walk his own and it was a mistake i made to invite him.
He thanked me so much for being honest and he felt the exact same. So that night us three went to the boat to Lisboa to wave him goodbye, Jo had these bottles of wine from 1899, which tasted like liquor and there we had our talk. I got emotional and talked about the true love that was somewhere out there. Anna went away after a while and Lenni followed her to tell her that he loved her. He saw her pissing instead. He laughed so hard when he got back to me, understanding the metaphor that was given to him. But then they talked and Anna was not in love with him and so on.
The next day i could feel that the magic was around. It did not touch me but my two companions. Anna and Jo had the time to come together and they became the most magical duo that i could ever witness.
Both were painters and Anna needed a rolemodel. a painter friend who walked the lifestyle she wanted to walk. She found it in Jo and i was the happiest man alive. And Jo needed a apprentice. Anna came to be that one. And i hope that they will share much and more with each other.
I could see them in the kitchen talking to each other and i could only smile like a baby for seeing these minds and energies collide. I have to be honest here, they had energies and i had no idea how to handle it sometimes. I could see that they knew.
So i left them together and went to France and Belgium and the Netherlands to Join my footsteps.
Abonneren op:
Reacties (Atom)