here it was where Mihau was. Kas lies in the south of Turkey, on the border of the ocean
it is a beautiful small city
with arrays of streets that breaths freedom
When I sat down in a café on the busstation in kas, there came another traveler,
I smiled, he smiled and I invited him to sit
A friendship was made, a connection of twin souls that found eachother
his name was Pol, he lived in Thailand for over a year and the heart he had was made of honesty and freedom that did not neglected his needs to surrender to himself
My man,,,,
Mihau came to pick me up and Pol came along
I think Mihau fell in love with Pol
and the three musketiers were born,
who walked the streets of kas for over three weeks to celebrate freedom and the power to manifest our liberty
I ate something in the market when a German lady gave me the keys of her apartment
I could stay there with Pol and Mihau for free as long as I wanted
and when I come back I can contact her and she will give me the apartment again
Ladies began to appear because Pol and I manifested them
one princess fell in love with Pol,
she was a painter and her soul was combined with us
one Lady stayed in my apartment for two days
celebrating the attention of three beautiful men
she was a traveler for turkey and had an amazing story
she went to Mexico afterwards
The days were spend with me interrogating Mihau about his prison story
Pol was a tattoo artist and Mihau got a tattoo from him and because I had money to pay for it and Mihau did not, I payed for it
Pol and I talked about fears of expression one day
I danced in front of a restaurant afterwards to express that I don't give a fuck
asking for money as a joke
When I came back, Pol was getting on his knees in front of me, ' you have all of my appreciation and respect'
I went down on my knees too and tossed the money that I made inbetween us
we started laughing
Mihau hugged me one afternoon and whispered in my ear in drunken happiness
" Cestmir,,, you were the first one I hugged last year, when I came to the Rainbow in Marocco and I felt that I was hugging Shakespeare
. I know that you were all these persons's people say you are, I have still a question. I am not sure if you create the magic moments around you or you attract them. but no doubt you have much magic in you.'
At this time I hugged him and fell down to the grounds and he shouted ' and you hug so good! you hug so good.
Pol and the princess came to us and fell over us to hug us too
So, many magic moments transpired in Kas
but one of the most curious was the man called Alper
He had a shop in Kas, who he inherited from his dad and he loved the feeling we gave him
he was in search of freedom and the way he could live
one day,, we got into the back of his car and went on a excursion with his family
with his parents, his wife, his son, his sister and the small boy and girl who were the children of his sister
in the car the children, named Sarp and Gunez were pulling faces with me
when we got out, Gunez held my hand and Sarp wanted to run with me on a beautiful road that laid into a landscape of nature
so I ran with Gunez in my hands, after Sarp but Gunez fell when I let go of her hands and I carried her back to her mother.
She did not speak to me for a few hours,,
[Poll, Mihau and me swam into the ocean when we came to a spot were we relaxed and enjoyed the carefreeness that the walk gave us
when we walked back,, Sarp took my hand and we walked in front of everyone, sheep came our way and then Gunez came who took my hand as well
we could speak little English with eachother and we enjoyed the walk, after half an hour we were at the car again,
Alper came to us and then the mother of Sarp and Gunez came, she cried because she did not know where her children were, when she saw they were with me she said sorry to me
she was a very loving mother
Sarp cried before he went to sleep that night because of me
when there was a celebration on one of the beaches with a fire, Pol and me and the princess took LSD
that day I could see far more clearly all the patterns of life and the way I flowed towards the essence of my destiny evert moment
Pol shared the view with me and we laughed the whole day long, gazing silently at the wonders of moments
we made up stories that were born from the reality that exist in other worlds
Alper drove us to the fire, but on the way we heard music from a wedding and I said ' stop. stop!!
I went out the car and I danced my freedom away on this wedding, Pol joined me and then we went into the car again
Arriving on this celebration another story came alive again that I experienced in Kas
I made a poem for a mother with her son named Tibet
we talked for hours , about life and she invited me in her house to smoke a joint and eat
when I came to the celebration she hugged me and Tibet was so happy to see me
we ran around the fire and the mother was always making sure Tibet was safe
I met a beautiful lady who I talked with, but I always stood up, following the currents of destiny
the father of Alper was drunk and looked me in the eyes dead seriously and said ' three times'
he was referring to the jump that I did across the fire
I said ' yes'
and then I jumped three times
feeling the movements of expression dancing in my belly
so I danced with the fire, bringing his heat towards me, following the days where time stand still and only me and the fire existed
when I came to the mother of Alper who was also drunk she experienced something in her eyes that shocked her bones, that made her cry, her eyes gazing at me
her words flew at me, embracing her belief into statements that made me smile and be silent, I looked at her from above and I smiled
do not speak, for your words I can turn into lies, when you danced with the fire , it was like a picture a thousaneds years ago,' before she said this already to me but then in reference to me walking with Sarp in my hand amongst the sheep
she saw Jezus in me,, but not like all the people that see Jezus in me before her/// she worshipped me in that moment like a true worshipper of Jezus,
' go away, into the darkness, for I cannot look onto you"
i went away and the currentws of destiny made me sit next to the beautiful girl again. I looked at her and she asked ' what' You are beautiful'
she turned her head sideways, looking at the fire for me to admire her more
then she suddenly turned to me again and asked ' what do you observe when you look at people'
' all the fears of that person'
she was intrigued but her sister wanted to go so she went
i looked upon her, crossing the fire and i felt something in me
i jumped up , ran after her, and turned her around
she was scared for a split second but was smiling then
i kissed her on her cheeks and then on the mouth
" okay' she smiled and went away
Pol and princess were taking a swim and i followed,
when we saw the fire again we embraced each other and the Princess cried
" thank you for meeting you, i have found home'
the strangers in the unknown, they manifest us, the travelers who inspire them to cry tears made out of their foundation
the tears that remember the fires we are made of,
i made a poem for the princess:
----------------
The girl who captured everything
there she was, the girl who captured everything around her,
only fools can sing about the way her movements tell the story of a lifetime
jumping and discovering on the colorful mountains where she came from
her mind, affected by the rivers who run deep and wide
that formed cracks in the sky
above her,
only dreams pass by
in clouds of thunder and gushing wind
she jumps again
towards the caves of never ending communities
they will wait for the colors that she brings
for the dreams that lay awake in her mind
for she may think and act and we will follow
no matter how long the journey will take
we shall communicate
exterminate every doubt we had and watch how she plays with paper
jumps on the boats she created and travels,
with her elephant to places
only fools can sing
because , only fools can trust themselves when all senses blind them and they listen to the cracks of the sky
---------------
Mila asked me how i knew that she was my true love. I said ' I just know. I became so strong in knowing my feelings and not being afraid to express them for that is why we live. But i don't give a fuck towards your feelings, because i cannot force you to feel the same, or even remotely the same. i still enjoy every second of my life, even more because i expressed it.' I told her about the girl that i kissed. She responded like my true love would.
' Ooh , i am so happy that you enjoy every second of your life. can i have a picture of the girl you have kissed. i am in love with a girl too. should i kiss her? every time i look into her eyes i fall in love. '
She loved the freedom that i had. hopefully this connection could be celebrated too when we met each other.
it was time to go to Istanbul with Mihau
the court wanted to see him, about his trial
he was free from prison and never going back to it again but the judges wanted to know the full story before he could go back to Poland, where he is from
so we went, i met his lawyer and i cried
i said to Mihau
' do you remember that i cried in your eyes when i first met you and i have no idea why that was
now i know, i saw that you could bring me to your laywer there and then
Because his lawyer was a woman who could bring me the last piece of the puzzle of my quest of my daddy issues
all my life i had strived to embrace the hatred i had towards my dad because he left me and my family when i was young
but my ego wanted to strive towards neglection of my feelings towards him.
this woman, the lawyer of Mihau, had lost her father quite young and still grieved his loss and missed him with strenght
somehow, her energy unvolved itself in my memories, destroying the ego and remembering the love i had for him. He was still alive, and living one street away from my mother, so i could visit them both anytime i want, whenever i want.
she could not. The puzzle fell into place and my tears were embraced with my forgiveness towards him.
this is the poem i made for her
-----------------
if it rains tonight, will someone see my tears or will my cheeks be the only lover who i have right now
will the moon shine through the void that she sheltered my dreams
only to guide my hands through the mirrors of craziness that protected me from any stupidity
let me cry, to remember all my life in one flash of white light
i balance life and death
playing no game of destiny
destiny fuels the fires of my passion
and i will continue
on the road of my own
cherish the times where my compassion lights another day
we can listen to the structures of lost kingdoms
and witness the the crying of souls with enough bravery
to cast down their shadows and draw the last breath as a tip of dragonbreath
a flaming sword
who can caress me and feel me about my dying day
the words of whispers
will guide themselves into my ears
and a song of silence is with me wen the sky cries
----------------
To celebrate this union, The lawyer brought Mihau and me with her to a restaurant to have a Raki ceremony
the next day, with a slight hangover we went in front of the judges.
We got into the court and the judges knew that Mihau was innocent but they wanted to collect all the view points, of course, the police who arrested Mihau in the first place was not there and Mihau had to stay in Turkey for another 40 days
the police would be searched for and then another Trial would occur.
Mihau cried but then he laughed and smiled when i let him remember that there was a rainbow gathering going on.
We pointed Poll and the princess in the direction and together we went into the mountains and to the valley where the Rainbow held place.
This was an adventure where i left all my doubts behind of not being worthy
i saw the beautiful princesses, the river who ran into the canyon and the feelings that rushed outside of my body and expressed peace and liberty to all the steps that i took.
Mila, the girl who i met on the end of my stay in skopje had openend my soul and was a doorway of me, finally giving way to the Prince inside of me
because i was beautiful, with my green eyes, loving smile, accepting heart, surrendering soul and storycapturing hair. Not even mentioning the other parts which would blind you. and make you love me.
for the first time in my life i felt the freedom to let my gaze wonder upon the essence of love. to not let that gaze fade away.
I had a mission, to expirience this new sense that was born. I needed to expirience the beauty of the princesses and not be afraid to caress them.
I was not transferred into a man who could lay with them every night, but i stroked them, caressed their beauty, wrote fairytales about them, expand the loving side of me to share my feelings towards them.
they could theirby approach me and find the beauty of them reflected as purely as i could in my eyes.
What transpired in this valley, i can maybe one day share in full but i will, over time, share the fairytales, the short stories that founded love when all else left them.
I manifested a beautiful girl with red hair and green eyes to hug me every night
we intertwined our hands and shared our eyes with each other. she could not speak English that well and that was cute. she was very, very smart.
I met Avigael, who became my best, best friend. Together we talked about, love problems, love interests, orgies and friendship. She was the most innocent princess of them all.
and i kissed a girl who remembered me what life is about.
Pol taught Mihau, Avigael and Joh how to become Tattoo artists.
They could expiriment on me. Avigael gave me a small flower on my ankle. Mihau gave me an 8 on my left back side, for eternity but also for my 8 brothers. Joh gave me the symbol of the seed of life on my lower back. It took three days and excruciating pain.
I could not see why people wanted to inflict pain on people.
Now i can talk about Joh. A great man with a bright mind, wanting to climb rocks and slackline every change he gets, because there was so much to do in life, he wanted to try as much as possible, he was a true friend, who was happy for us whenever we had a new love story or made a new friend.
He played his ukulele and in secret he was the biggest bad ass of us all.
I had an adventure inside the canyon upon the river with a small boy from Russia, and Pol, one of my other halves. the small boy just went further and further into the water, down stream and i had to follow. i was really glad that Polk was here, for when we went back ( much to the disappointment of the small boy) it took all of my strenght to swim back with him on my back upstream. We cris crossed, there were small beaches on every corner. It was really dangerous but somehow i knew that i was not going to die like this, the river taught me for the first time how strong it could be.
i smelled shit in my nose for the next five days.
One of the surprises was really big. it was Joel. He came from Europe, only to visit me in turkey.
My arms had to embrace him for a long time to realize that he was really there.
He came with Ami, his twin flame as he called her. I was honored to meet her, i heard so much about her. and the same went for her.
Ami left in a couple of days. Joel and i stayed longer, playing within the valley of dreams,
when he left, i came with him
Avigael woke up from her bed when i ran around, screaming her name. She looked very tired ' I knew that you were going to leave me' she said with a small tone of dis agreement. Together we cried in eachother's arms when we said goodbye. ' It was very special to meet you.' ' It was far more than special Cestmir!'
I said goodbye to another of the princesses. Defrim was her name. She was a mother of 21 and together with her baby of half a year she came to this valley. When i said goodbye, she said that she was leaving too. She was leaving with a car, in the same direction Joel and i wanted to Hitchhike.
So of course we got into the car with her.
the driver fell into tears when he received a call that her brother was shot in the war. I did not know what to say. We really dived from a fantasy world, inside a valley, away from reality, to the facts of misery inside society. Joel drove for awhile but we nearly drove into oblivion so the original driver took over and at night we were inside the house of Defrim. Her mother hosted us and was all love towards the energy that we brought. In the morning we had the most amazing lunch ever
Joel and i hitchhiked. Kas was our destination. We got picked up by a man who walked across the world for 15 years. then we nearly got killed by a bomb and then a man picked us up who had two wives, at the same time.
Arriving in Kas, we walked to my friend in the market, there we got some food offered and the woman said that she would have two bags for us, next week i could pick it up. Joel would be gone but then it was a mission to find him again.
We swam and enjoyed doing nothing serious, just relaxed. it was so hot that it was almost impossible to move.
In two days he went on his own adventure again and i was in Kas by myself. My poetry would not do so good here, because it was mostly Turkish tourists. But i was lazy to do my living statue act. Instead i met with Tibet and his mother, swam in a beach and then i saw Alper's family too.
Sarp and Gunez were so happy to see me. The grandma said that i had to come by the shop tomorrow. So i did.
Alper had talked about transforming his mechanical shop in an art gallery but i was surprised when all the paintings were already in their place when i entered. Alper was really happy to meet me.
All the days that i stayed in Kas, i was in the Shop of Alper, The Parents invited me to sleep in their backyard in a hammock. so i did,
my stay in Kas was with that family. Going to the beach, hanging out at the shop and talking with Alper. Alpers's sister was really beautiful. a sexy dancer and a good mother for Sarp and Gunez.
We became really good friends. She found stones on the beach and painted them, turning them into Jewellery. i fell in love with one of the creations and she gave it to me. It was a crescent moon, on a rock that was small, round and thick. It looked perfectly on me.
A girl ran after me, when i walked in the center, her name was Zeynep and she was smiling while her eyes strayed. ' hello, i wanted to know what you were doing, if you want to join us.' ' ooh, you can tell us a story.'
i did, about a pinguin who smoked cigarettes and wanted to find the wisdom of the world.
Some one of her friends who listened got a tattoo of a smoking pinguin a few week later.
Zeynep was in Kas with her friends from highschool. she was going to study in the Netherlands for a year.
After the story of the smoking pinguin, i shared the story of myself with them because i felt that they were eager ears.
They were left speechless and many of them could reckognize their own stories with mine.
Especiall;y Zeynep, who wanted to share her story with me. so the friends went away and i talked with Zeynep alone.
It was filled with tears that we did not cry that day. With wisdom and celebrating the child inside of ourselves.
We met the next day again. we sat upon the rocks and she had a game for us to play. we could ask each other questions because she had only 20 minutes to talk to me so better make most of it.
it was hard for me to think of anything and she said, ' Ask me anything, i do not judge antthing so i asked if she would make love to me. ' yes, most probably.' i asked her how i could move us into that foundation where that expression can be liberated. ' It all depends on our feelings, if they can flow through our bodies and we find ourselves connecting and combining. i am actually in search of someone were i can share this with and i have a feeling i can do that with you.' ' we could do it now but it would be like eating the birthday cake to fast. we would let other moments die that can inspire us in the future to flow.' ' it is funny, you have an energy as if you are a love guru and then you say to me that you are afraid of intimacy.'
Time was up. I made her a poem and she asked ' what do you want to do.' ' i want to dance on the streets with you. and there i went, upon the music that i heard. and she danced with me.. Then we said down, she kissed me on my cheeks and i met her lips.
I ran after her, to hug her ' why do you do that' ' because of you.' she smiled and she left with a promise to dance naked on the grounds of harmony
I also, in the end , knew that i had to make money for my trip back to Macedonie, so i did some living statue and made 100 euro in five nights. I bought a really cute chess board and some jewelry for known and unknown girls.
A friend taught me last year , that it was really cool and good to have gifts for people, so now, i tried to have some jewelry every time in one of my bags.
It was finally time to head back to Macedonie. My visa ran out. the three months were done. I took the bus to Istanbul and then to Skopje.
In Skopje i spend a few days, strolling around. I met Mila. The girl who was my true love. During my stay in Turkey we had a really wonderful bond in texting but as we saw each other we could not speak a word. The conversation found it's rocks everywhere. I think that during texting Mila could express herself fully, and the freedom i was did not scare her and saw her in her face. now she was confronted by her own boundaries that she chose. she worked two jobs, to help her parents and herself, money wise. she had set goals to jump deeper into the play of society. that was why she could not talk to me or express her feelings. she was too tired. she left me on the streets to discover my friend, silence, again.
I began to hitchhike but it did not work, i was met by an albanian who lived in Oslo for 40 years. he invited me to eat with him and we sharedthe most wonderful talk. To celebrate the liberty of saying fuck you' and just go on with your life. He had the most wonderful smile ever, he had a freedom and a trust in humanity that derived from his belief in God.
Stranets found me. I was not sure if i wanted to meet him. that was why i did not go in search of him. but in the end, he was my dog, i adopted him, i was bonded with him.
So when we met again, i said ' fuck it' finally the box inside of me to run away from any love that could constrict my freedom and individuality opened and out came a ' fuck you' to the fear. I broke the cycle of running away and started to walk out of Skopje to hitchhike with Stranets.
other Hitchhikers came and they stopped a car. the car looked at me and waved that i could come to. Stranets was the best in the car. he was soo relaxed. sleeping on my lap, stucking his head out of the window and walking around to the other hitchhikers.
As we got outside the car, in ohrid i could not believe the beauty of the lake. Stranets went to the edge of the lake and his reaction made me laugh. He jumped back as if to say ' what the fuck is all this water doing here'
He does not like water. And me?
For the first time in my life, in all my years travelling i found a home.
I was not sure if Ohrid was just a reflection of the home i found inside myself but who cares.
For the first time i could let loose of my feelings and enjoy the beauty that i gathered around myself.
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