The end of my first real love

But when i got back and knocked on her door, i felt that she didn't want to share the intimacy we once had again. She had met a man and they were very intimate. It was not because of that man but she just had her own story to tell and i was not in it as an intimate one.
She was in search of a combination that could protect her and be there for her.

Or that is what i think

One of the last sentences she said was that "I was not the father of her children."

so i let her leave without an argument or anything of that sort. Because i knew that i had to let her go. Even thought i was still madly in love.

but i came a long way,

The strength i found in Marokko and what i embraced in Poland. That thought about my brother and what he had meant for me changed my life in a huge wonderful magical way. And that's why i spend my days on the road, being free.

You never know how strong you are untill you are stripped of all that what makes you strong.
and have the wisdom to extract from it your own self.

Friends and then Poland

I had a birthday party from Koen where we played a bord game and we sat in a self made jacuzzi before i left. I wanted to leave right after but i couldn't.

I couldn't get a ride but there was something more and that was the funeral of one of my favourite teachers. It was crazy. I had met him just a month ago, to tell him about that i found a love and he hugged me and we laughed. And now he was dead. At 35 year's old. His girlfriend was pregnant of a boy.

The school had invited everyone to come and say goodbye. There was a room with his pictures and a place where you could lay flowers. Almost 200 students came there. Many old students who fell in love with the way he taught and lived.

Here it was where i met my friend Betul who i met at the school. We got talking and we really loved to hear the story of the other one. We had met one year ago for the last time. I told her about the love that i discovered and she told me the most amazing story. about that she was in the middle of her dream. Going to Istanbul to teach English there. She had a lot to work out, especially with the goverment and she spend her time hopping up and down with an airplane. I got so inspired and i felt that this was the time.

All my travels i receive everything and much more i ever believed in i could receive. Now it was my time to pay it back. The goverment had given me 700 euro because i paid too much taxes. I wanted to give 250 to Betul. She resisted quite well but i knew i wanted this. So i could slip it into her bag and she would look how much it was when she was in the plane to Turkey.

She said "Man..Cestmir, You know right, that nobody of my friends would do what you did. You are special. You do not think of material things, only friendship." She gave me a stone she had carried for two years in her wallet.

I went to Poland after that.

My mom brought me to the highway. It rained but i didn't care so much. But all my journey to Poland i couldn't stop thinking of my love and what she did with me. I cried so hard one night. One truckdriver took me in the area of Berlin. Here i was picked up by a van with nice girls in it. They wanted to drop me off at the border and then they picked up a friend and stayed there for the night.

I felt that i wanted to come with them. Because i didn't want to spend time alone. but at the same time i couldn't say this directly to them so i kind of pushed them. I felt horrible because i was to weak to stand by my feelings. or by my path. I stayed there for the night and in the morning i was to get off at one point and decide for myself again where the road takes me. but i was still a little bit afraid of myself so i waited to make a decision some time. But then i had to face my path. so i got my guts and finally left the van to take the road upon my shoulders.

Somtimes it is easy to lay your problems with other people. But that is not a road i would choose to go. I forget that sometimes, that my life is only my concern.

I stood for 20 minutes beside the road but no car stopped. i was getting pissed of by myself. I started to walk. I needed a lesson in humility. To forget my longing to be and embrace the silence of walking towards nowhere and everywhere.
I felt despair coming and going. When i tied my laces a car stopped. She could drop me off at a highway entrance. 5 minutes after she dropped me off a truck stopped with two polish in it. They took me and liked me.

on the road we got in a jam but no worry. they shouted out of the truck if there was a car wanting to take a Dutch tourist to Krakow. There was, so we switched on the tankstation and in the evening i was in Krakow.

The magic flows when you choose to face the despair of your fears.


The first day i met a girl with a balloon in her hand. She was part of a birthday party. She liked the poem.

I met her boyfriends as well and he walked into me when i was laying on the ground one day, dreaming about the perfection of life.

He sat with me and he wanted to talk about spiritual stuff so we did.
He had meditated with some Monks for some weeks.
And after awhile he said "You are the highest degree of Buddhism. Every Buddhist wants to be like you."

Another girl took me to a vegan restaurant where i could take the leftovers. I asked the girl behind the bar to go out on a date but she was to busy with her exams.

I was standing in front of a Mac Donalds when i hear Dutch people playfully arguing what to eat.
"I want a fish burger." I said. They turned and one guy asked. "So you are hungry?" I explained a little bit what i did and then the guy said. "Why not, you will get a fish burger from me."  It were four friends on holiday. I said that he could have a poem for it. He wanted none but his friends said. "How can yo urefuse a poem. So they said one word each about their friend and i made the poem.

It became a poem about why his friends were his friends and i used an expression which made them laugh so hard that one fell from the chair and they couldn't believe that i had written that. "That is the exact same sentence i used some hours ago with the exact same words to describe how he became our friend!"


When i walked the streets one day i heard some one sing. "Do you see me?"
i turned around and said. "I see you!"
It were two friends and we got talking. they liked me and said "Well, if you want free food , you better stick with us." So we ate in a restaurant and we spend the day walking. We walked towards an area where all young people gathered and there were lots of places to drink and eat and hang out. I made poems here and got invited to sleep at one's home. He was about my age and worked at this Hummus bar downtown. He invited me the next evening to eat there for free.

"I am sorry but i do not know if i have a place to sleep for you tonight."
This was a sentence a man uttered in this Hummus bar who just turned to me. After the sentence he had to leave to take care of something. But he would come back in one hour to say if i could sleep in his house or not. After one hour he came back and sat with me and exhaled a large breath he had held for a long time.

"Sorry, but i cannot host you. My girlfriend, i took with me from the forest is crazy. she just slapped me in the face and ran off." "What happened." I asked. I hoped my voice was very cool.

"Oh. we were in the bookstore and she wanted this book, but it was a book that was the last in a pile of books. The owner said it was not very wise to pull it like that otherwise the pile would fall and she had to pay for everything. I laughed behind my hand, I thought it would be fun to see that. But she got angry and ran off.  When i came to the house, she was there and she was blaming me for not choosing her side so she slapped me in the face and she ran off."

The storyteller inside of me felt very good at this point. I felt this outburst of energy straddling itself, ready for an adventure of inspiration.

"But come back tommorow, maybe i will  have a place. My last tennant ran off because she got scared of me."

So i came back and he forgot. He had still no place for me but it was good that i was here because he had to help this friend with moving. Of course i helped because i love moving stuff. We came there and we got everything form her appartement in the large van. Then we walked to her new appartement and we moved everything two floors up. Meanwhile we got talking, mostly about girls. "I like you, you are a great listener. i was in need of a good listener. I feel that everything is spinning around me." He said. I lifted him in the air and spun him around while hugging him. Afterwards he whispered amazed to himself. "He hugged me."

I was in Krakow to be an audience to one of my little brothers. He was going to perform with his orchestra in the biggest church. It was only in one week time so i had some time to be on my one. I stayed in Krakow. Sleeping wherever i could. Making poetry to the girls i was following and meeting on the streets. who gave me their smiles. One of them just bumped into me and i had to make a conversation. I made a poem and she had some friends where i could sleep. Brilliant. So i went there. I could sleep there for as long as i wanted. one of the roommates was singersongwriter. he was struggling with words upon his music. He really liked the poem i made for him so he asked me if i could give it a shot. to write the lyrics. I did and it was exactly what he wanted. "You wrote it but it is just me." I was surprised but very glad. The text told a story about a grandma who didn't want to kiss in public anymore. The grandpa sang the song to remember her how much he loved her and to fuck off with the insecurity.

 I did not sleep that well. my travelling instincts kicked in and my insecurity of me being loved. I texted Sam and i had so much going on in my head. I had to leave.

I went to a beautiful place where you could swim in a lake inbetween great rocks. I made a poem for a group of friends and i got Sprite, Cucumber, Bread, four tomatoes, cake and chips from them. I slept there and in the morning i got a citrus from the guard.  When my brother came i told him and his friends about it. Anna came also because she was in Poland to visit her family. She came with her mother. This was the beginning of me meeting all her family. But first we had to see Sascha perform.
It was an open air performance and it was special to be there. Together with my little brother in Poland to support him. His friends in the orchestra were surprised to see his brother here. Anna and me were Sascha's biggest fans. "Does he smile?" Anna asked me. "yes, only when he looks at me." I answered.

We also had a small adventure with a polish guy

he broke up with his girlfriend in northern Poland and on the internet came in contact with Anna who asked if anyone wanted to drive us to a nice place.

So he came, he had nothing better to do. He picked us up in the night and asked "so, where do you want to go." "I don't know."Anna replied. "Just, drive around." Eventually we got on the highway and we decided to go to Wroclaw. He drove us all the night. We slept at a tankstation and in the morning he asked. "So, what do you want to do?" I answered. "Well, I have to get back to Krakow because my brother is going to swim with me."

There was this small second wherein our friend had no words but then he said. "Okay, so we drove all night to see this tankstation. Thank you, i had never been here." And we went back to Krakow.

He still wanted to see us in the evening. Sascha and Anna met each other and together with Sascha and his friends we went to this beautiful lake to swim.
Sascha gave me the ticket to the performance in the big church in a couple of days.

In the evening we went with this Polish guy to a national park. We slept there and we had a small party. I forgot to tell you this but the Polish guy used Speed for three days and did not sleep when we first met him. This night Anna and him took the last Speed. The police came in the morning. Only Anna was awake at this time. The police found this small empty bags and had to search the car. They asked Anna. "Who is that sleeping there in that field, Is he dead?" "Oh, no that is Cestmir." When she woke me up i was very stressed. I don't like the police. But Anna said. "Relax, they are very kind. They could take us to jail but they don't and they didn't even check the car really." After Anna took a alcohol test the police told us to take a rest to get the alcohol out of our system and then move our asses.

We humble agreed.

The polish guy drove us to Anna's family and i met them all. The grandma gave me all new clothes and i had to take a bath. The food was amazing. We slept at The brother's place. Mihau was his name and he had some anger issues but you just had to fall in love with him. He was a carpenter and he was smiling from ear to ear to see me and Anna. We could stay there untill we died.

Anna had said to him that he had a brother whose name was Cestmir. Mihau and me could not speak so good with each other but we could be happy with the other one around. I played Pokemon and then Mihau said. "let's go to Romania in a week." We agreed. He had a week off from work so he wanted to use it to travel with us somewhere.

But first Sascha again. I made it to the church in Krakow and some one said. "You are Sascha's brother, you can sit in the front row." They all came in and Sascha smiled when he saw me. He could sit next to a very nice looking lady. The lady was an expert on violin and she played a few songs with the orchestra.

After the concert i talked with Sascha and said "You had a very nice looking lady sitting next to you." His reply found me unprepared. He said "Yeah.. very nice. I wanted to impress her a little bit, but the Conductor was not so pleased with me." When he said this i realized that i saw the conductor looking a little bit angry at his direction when they played.

This was the first time Sascha talked about girls. I felt like a really happy brother then.

I waved at the bus where the orchestra stepped in to go back to the Netherlands.
Then i went back to Anna's family.

Normally you meet a traveller on the road and if there is a connection you travel together for sometime but that's it.  Anna was different. Really different. I found out that she was my sister. I still see her as my little sister but do not even think of saying that to her. Because all my life i wanted a little sister to take care of.

We now know eachother for one year and some months but it seems like a life time. And of course i wanted to meet her family. and now i had the time of my life.

Her father had some of the same energy vibes as my father. Her mother really new a lot about plants and brewing alcohol. Her grandma looked at me and said "He is homeless, i would give him clothes." I loved the socks she gave me. Her grandfather would wake up in his bed and believed that that was the time to get dressed. The time didn't matter. His body just needed activity and he was always helping the people on the streets.

And Mihau was just adorable. We stayed in his place and we could do whatever. He didn't mind.

our trip to Romania was one hell of a ride. We went by car. Mihau had the best driving skills but his anger issues made him a bit uncomfortable as a driver. And we had only one week to enjoy Romania so we had to be quick. We drove every day in that week, maybe we made 100 kilometres minimum every day.

So we saw the black sea and then we were in Poland again. We had some nice hours where we relaxed in the rivers with our clothes on and we saw some nice things. really nice things. Such as the old vulcano that still sputtered. or the amazing mountains that surrounded a valley.

At the second last day our car dripped benzine. Anna and me were half asleep when the car just slipped and we made a turn on the highway. There were no cars and Mihau had the car under control. We went to a mechanic and they could help us so we could leave for Poland that day. but the car still dripped. So eventually we lost a lot of fuel. maybe three times as much.

At the beginning of the journey i  said that i didn't had money. Anna just thought she could pay for me. But instead of the 70 euro it was supposed to be, it became 250 euro per person. So of course Anna couldn't pay for me. So i had to pay him when i got the money.

There was also a nice thing that happened on the border when the police officier checked our passports. He said the names of everyone in the car and then he said "And Cestmir, your brother?"

Mihau just turned around and said "It is official." we gave eachother a higfive and laughed.

When we got back, Mihau wanted me to meet his friends. When i came in the cafe he opened his arms, pointed at me and said "And this is my brother Cestmir!!!" I did the same and we truly were family at that point. And from that point forward.

This was also the day that I finished Anna's story.

All the persons i meet, every situation i stand in are stories to me. Since the moment that i met Anna i was intrigued in the connection that we found while we walked the streets and talked on the broken parts of who we were. who we are. I wanted to found out what Anna was. Who Anna was. Where she came from. But i don't like asking questions so much. Well, sometimes i do. But not with Anna. I had to wait until she openend up and showed me her story.

And there i found it. In the pub where she discovered she could live her own live for the first time. In her hometown where she grew up, riding around in her underwear through the night.

I felt a click inside of me when i saw Anna meeting her old friends and i knew i closed the chapter called Anna.

I could write a fairytale about her without not knowing.

When i met Anna, i could see clear as day the strength Marocco had given her; To decide her own road. At this time i was still feeling that i needed to understand what Marocco gave me. It had given me strength indeed but there had to be an origin inside myself where it all connected and was born from. When i met Anna, i was glad because through her eyes i could find out what it was.

it took some days but it happened during a talk we had. Without wanting to, i began to speak  about my brother and the way he influenced my life. Sometimes my unconscious speaks and then i find the words i was looking for all my life.

I spoke about my brother and the way he was dragged in front of me towards the police cars outside when i was 14. I spoke about how, in that moment, i decided to take his beauty and put it in myself. Because he would never be the same Demian again. And i could not see his beauty die and fade away.

This beauty i took was the start of my adventures of dancing and writing poetry. performing and putting myself out there. standing above the heartpangs of the world. don't let me stop believing in my dreams.

I was never without my brother, he stayed with me all this time to celebrate my steps of going my own way.

I cried when i understood what i was saying. I never before realised the words i was speaking.

Anna took my hand. "This is one of the days that we will remember when we are old as one of the days that changed our life forever."


So Poland was one hell of a ride.


Anna and me were planning of going to the Netherlands to meet my family but all changed when i texted Sam.

She said that she would leave for Portugal in Three days.
So i decided instantly that i wanted to go to see her in Amsterdam right then.

Anna's father dropped me off at the highway and in one second i was picked up. In one second there was the second car to the border. There i slept and after five hours of hitchhiking a woman with a Scottish grandchild picked me up and drove me to Dortmund. I made a fairytale for the kid and Barbara ( The grandma.) talked with a polish truckdriver when she left me at the tankstation. The polish truckdriver named Gregory came to me and asked "I am not going to Amsterdam but i can drop you off in Utrecht." I had no idea how he knew that i wanted to go to Amsterdam. Gregory and i had a little party. When i was dropped off it was night and i took a ride to the trainstation.. In Amsterdam i knocked on Sam's door and i woke her up from a nightmare.

Rainbow Gathering of the Lage landen ( a bit of the Netherlands and Belgium)

When i was in the Netherlands after Marocco i saw my older brother and the way he acted with his life.
For over six years i had pushed my older brother out of my life because i could not handle the person he became. He got diagnosed as Schizofren.

I could not be happy when i saw him or act happy towards him. He got a girlfriend who is now his ex but she is pregnant of him. In one month my brother becomes a father, if he is ready or not?

On the Rainbow in Marocco i had learned that i was ready to take the final step of accepting my brother as the person he is and embrace him. not just that, even love him for who he is. A sense of true brotherhood involved itself with my feelings. So when i came back and Yuri mentioned that there was a Rainbow Gathering in the Netherlands ( just 10 minutes from the border by foot) and it was taking place in one week i made the decision of going there with my brother.

My mother, in a feeling of what the hell, dropped us off at the Rainbow and stayed there for one night with my little brother Luka. My mother instantly fell in her element and with my pushing hand she invaded the kitchen and started to make dinner. For three days the Rainbow family was still talking about the lovely lady that cooked dinner that night and her vibrant energy of freedom that filled the kitchen.

For my mom it was a jump back in time, when she was alone with five young children to take care of she went travelling with us throught Europe. Stopping on tiny ( hippie) festivals along the way.

But one of the things that she noticed on the Rainbow was not so nice. She saw how Demian, my older brother, got copied. His actions were laughable for some and that hurt my heart when i heard it from my mom. I came here to be in a place where i hoped Demian could be accepted for who he was, and even encouraged to share his crazyness with them but instead this place is not that different than the other places so i stood up in the foodcircle because i needed to expand my feelings of love and hurt towards them, hoping that they realized how stupid they were. I had the words in my hands and threw them at them. My tears came and i cried during talking and i knew it touched people because it hurted me. When i was done i saw my mom crying and next to her, Luka who couldn't stop shedding tears. They both came towards me and cuddled with me. "How is it, to see your brother doing this?"My mom asked Luka and he responded "I could not ever do this."

In the days that followed Demian played around with lots of people and i got many people who wanted to let me know that they heard me that night. We spend a week on the Rainbow. Demian played around with the kids but when they left he didn't come out of his tent to enjoy the celebrations or anything. it was at the end when i asked him why he spend so much time in the tent that he said: "The children were gone" He is just a big cuddle bear sometimes. But he wanted to stretch my limits as always and some family members said that i was to hard on him, others that they felt the love i had for him. One night i asked the foodcircle for advice and they gave me the feedback to be a brother not a doctor and let him run free and let him make mistakes. I saw that this was the only wise decision and so i did. I enjoyed the Rainbow and felt a connection with one of the girls there. On one day i kissed her inbetween the naked body's sprawled around but after two days she said that i gave her to much attention.

Once again a lesson to keep the love inside the moment and not build a future with it. After she said this i met an amazing girl who wanted to share my thoughts. We were talking about love and we had a really close conversation about fake marriage between us and the part Jealousy takes in a marriage. After our talk i felt so blessed with the feeling of love that i went into the tipi and ate dinner with the family with a feeling of being at peace with the moments that came before me.

The previous night it was full moon and i sat in the tipi with 20 people staring at me, listening and sleeping to the stories, poems and magical words coming out of my mouth. For four hours i held their attention. I did many things that night but i also asked if they had any questions for me. One of them asked "Do you write sometimes about yourself?"

This question came from the girl who i was about to meet while eating dinner. A pirate wanted my attention and started to have a monolog about his view about the Rainbow. It was quite harsh almost all the time and it hurted me two times but i didn't react. I even helped him when he forgot where he talked about. After his monolog i looked around and saw the eyes of a girl on me. I saw that she was interested in me and her smile told me that she waited for me to talk to her. Not that she was thinking it but it was the way her unconcious feelings worked. So i did not talk with her, for a few minutes. I started to improvise words on the music that was played after dinner. The girl had her head turned but when i was finished and glided my attention towards her she hesitated not and was there to guide my words to her beauty.

She opened with a sentence that told me that she was strong and wise and knew that she had to follow the feelings that made the moment unleash itself. "I noticed that you had no judgment towards that man and the monolog he held. I would interupt him more than once." "With every new word i hear, i want to know more about you."
i said "So , what i see now is that you want to jump with me in the unknown and dance on fields of grass." "yes." she answered. "Oke. But one thing, i hope that you have no great expectation of me." "I have not" she said. That night i felt the world giving me the present i always asked for when i was young but never received. The intertwine connection of your mind, body and soul came to me like it was child's play. and so we kissed. Reviving over and over again the feeling of connection and love for each other. The next day she went with me to my grandma. There i saw the beauty of love. I was not afraid anymore and i was not running away. I could see in her face all the dreams that i ever dreamed about. And this time i looked upon it with no desire towards it. I became my desire and therefore i was not longing for more. Silence i found in her footsteps. In her words, her eyes. She invited me to Amsterdam, where she was born and was living. going on an adventure of intimacy and sentences i heard like: "I don't want to work, i want to lay next to you again." Sentences i thought i would never hear.

And somehow i was not running away, I was finding strength in facing her love for me. the love that i felt for her. Every day we would spend playing and every evening we would spend talking about the playing. Talking about the way we felt towards each other. and every evening we spend kissing. And then it happened. We were in my hometown and i felt this nagging twitch in my stomach and growing untill it filled my body with the intensity of being alive and kicking. but it only happened when i saw her face, with the purest reflection of myself looking at her.  I had to spend three hours, just explaining her this feeling, how much i loved her. She taught me so much about being comfortable around her.

Around woman.
She lived free and we had an open relationship. That was fine with me. I went to Poland and found out that she triggered all this pressure points in my emotional being. Pressure points that were all about finding my own strength and get off my lazy ass. One of the reasons was because she really wanted children. This got me thinking.

Marocco

Gabriella had a heart of gold and a big one at that. Gemma was also traveling with us. They could speak spanish and i could sleep. Somewhere along the way i made poems for them and Gabriella shed a tear.

They gave me 30 euro's as a new years present.

I aranged a second ride from Granada to Algeciras but it never came. Anna texted me that she was already in Morocco. I freaked out a little. I slept in a park and in the morning decided to take a bus. From that point onwards it was easy to buy a ticket and get the boat. Anna wanted to leave the port but i said that she had to wait. In the boat you must stand in a line and fill out a form, saying that you are not a criminal. I almost fainted, it took so long.

When i arrived i went to the restaurant where Anna said she was. I couldn't see her. After many minutes she send me a text describing her view. I showed this to the police and they knew where she was. At the restaurant close to the boats. Where all the paying people do not stop because they must get into a cart to go to the real safe heaven to enter marocco.

Anna did not pay and so was together with a truckdriver chilling at the docks. The police escorted me past the customs and i was being delivered to the driver of the cart. He took me to this restaurant and said that i needed to return in 5 minutes.

So i ran outside and shouted her name. She was nowhere to be found. Not in the restaurant and everybody gathered around me trying to help me. I ran outside again and shouted her name. Followed by everyone. Someone with a walkie talkie wanted to help me but suddenly my name could be heard. I turned around and there she was.

We ran towards each other and hugged. That was the start of the spiritual journey across Marocco.

I had to take my stuff from the cart and it was no problem to leave it to follow Anna towards her stuff. After some conversation with hands and feet we managed to explain to the truckdriver what we were going to do. He wanted to come with us. he payed for the taxi towards Tanger and delivered us to the bus towards Marrakech.

for Anna and me wanted to talk all night long about our adventures.
and so we did.
it was the first time that i began to really see Anna for who she was and i found much similarities about how we look at life and the problems our mind tells us we have.

we came at 6 o clock in Marrakech and slept nearby the mosk. After some hours we heard our first prayer. We spend the day walking through the maze of Marrakech and ate a Bisara. But that was it. Marrakech was too much. so we went with the bus to El Jidida.

Because we wanted to spend new years eve on a beach.
So we did but when we were sitting on the rocks, in shadows, secluded, the water moved closer and higher. I said that we could maybe move before it was too late but Anna was sure it would not rise that far. She was wrong. So the first few minutes of 2017 we spend Climbing over rocks and a very steep wall what was behind us. After the steep wall was a high fence so what we only could do is climb all the way back to the beach on this steep wall. Anna thought we were going to die. Fortunatly we were rescued by Moroccans who gave me a knife. After that expirience we walked outside the city and i decided to hitchike. the first car stopped and he dropped us at another village where we slept on the beach.

In the morning Anna walked around and made some friends who gave us a tazjin. Our first of many. they had a fire on the beach and we laughed and danced with eachother. There was a lovely girl with them and i captured her beauty with my eyes. Anna got on her email and something amazing happened. her brother and her father had a conversdation about her in Poland and came to the conclusion that it was actually very brave what she did. Travelling and all. I jumped from joy and we slept on the beach.

The friends came back and took us to a bathing house. They payed for it and it was extraordinary. i liked it very much. We hitchhiked to Safi. It was a ride where two taxi's gave us lifts for free. And then it was Rachid who took us from the road. He couldn't speak English but he was very happy that he took us,, and us, just going with the flow, found us sitting in her sister's house in the evening.

The next day he brought us to his other family in another town. They had a fruitmarket on the Streets and we ate couscous and tazjin. The whole day and the next day we were theirs. If someone wanted to invite us they got angry and said that we should stay with them. I wanted to do the laundry but a woman took it from me and did it for me. The two days we played around with the children and  ate, like a lott. But finnally it was time to go and our last ride to Safi was a truck.

When we got off, Anna immediately panicked and ran as hard as possible into the direction of the truck. Without thinking i ran after her but realised that someone had to stay to protect the bags.
Within a few minutes Anna returned with her sleeping bag under her arm. "So you could catch up with the truck." "ooh man, it was like a real adventure."
What she said next was so unbelievable crazy. When she ran, a bus stopped on the road, with his doors openwide. A shout "Come on." and there she was. Inside the bus , giving directions to stop near the truck.  By a stoplight she could knock on the door of the truck and her sleeping bag got thrown in her arms.

In the evening we got invited by Sahien to sleep there. In the morning we went to explore with Sahien who went to the Ceramic workshop. There Anna could paint a plate and i went to the backside to see all the different working people for the ceramic workshop. it were two small windy Streets full of clay and ceramic pots. I finnally got to Vita who invited me to spin the wheel to make clay things. I enjoyed myself and even made my own cup.Vuta invited me to eat at his place.  Anna found me and she wanted to leave. We were invited by a cafe to eat there. When we got there they invited us to sleep there as well. so i went to Vita again to explain that i could not sleep at his place. When i said where our backs are Vita said "Danger, Danger!!" Sahien's name was quite popular. Vita said he tricked tourists and stole from them. Sahien was a drug addict or so Vita said. "You must get your backs!!" I believed him and went straight to the house. I found it really special that i remember the road back. When i was there, Sahien's uncle openend the door and kindness stared at me. I walked in and got the backs together with everything in it. Nothing was gone. But i hated to leave the uncle so suddenly so i drank tea with him and ate something. We laughed and then i went. Back to the cafe. Anna saw me and asked where i had been. Then she saw the bags "What are you doing with the bags?" I explained everything and she was more chilled then me but was glad that i got the bags. only because we stayed here now.

The next morning we stuffed ourselves as the food came and went. i bought a chess board and i learned Anna how to play. She is a natural. There was also a German who could play good. The moroccans knew only to play Checkers.

The next day we went to Vita because i wanted to. He invited us to sleep on the beach by his friends. His friends all were trying to go onto a ship to cross the border illegally. We had campfires in the night and good food. We slept with the four of us in a bathroom for elder people. Changed into a sleeping room. Vita's plan was to bring us to his brother who just got back with the best hasjis. He was not sure when he would come back so we slept two nights in that bathroom and then i couldn't take it anymore. I slept on the beach, but that was not done. for the Moroccan hospitality is not to be disturbed with "crazy"ideas.

Everytime Vita would come and go away again to wake me and say that i should sleep closer to them. So i ended up with the beach lights in my face, which was no problem but Vita said that the police could see me and give me trouble. By this time i stopped fighting and slept inside.
I was like a fish who could not protect himself. It was a terrible feeling.

the next day i lost my glasses and i panicked, for a few hours we searched everywhere and finnally a friend woke up who said that he had put the glasses in his tent for safety. It was just there, on the ground and he safed them.
Then we went to the computer. Vita came with us. It so happened that Vita's house was on the way and we met his mother and stepdad. We got some food and Anna did her thing on the computer. In the evening we went to a park to make a fire and sleep there. Vita was with us still.

We wanted to go away in the morning and Vita suddenly said that he wanted to come with us. Because he had problems at home. Anna got buckled knees and said "why not." i knew it was not a good idea but i had to let Anna go trough this expirience. and me too. We walked to the end of town and got a lift from Mohammed. A really nice guy. We made a shelter on the beach and slept there.

The next day was full of learning. for Anna. Vita did not talk at all. Not even a single little bit. it was even scary. It was bringing the whole athmosfere down. In the evening i had to fetch some water. I asked it and Aziz gave us a place to sleep , some food and even water. Vita's energy was still a negative something in the air. But Aziz was really nice. Mohammed went to us and said that he would like to invite us for dinner. Anna wanted to stay, to chill so i went alone. I met Rabia, who was Mohammed's friend. The house we were in, was his parent's house. Vacation home. We ate Tazjin. the best ever. Mohammed made it. I talked Anna's ears off by explaining how good the potatoes were. I promised Rabia a poem about Tazjin and went to sleep beside Anna. We talked about the day like we talkes about every day, and every doubt, every thought, every sigh, every feeling.

We talked about Vita and that he must go. That was the only decision we made before we went to sleep. In the morning we sat inbetween the beach and the road. I took the liberty to tell Vita to go. It took some courage but he did not struggle. After it was done Anna said "I am glad that you did it, thank you. I could not." Instantly we could feel our energies meeting each other again without a disturbance in the area. Anna and i were so good travelingcompaniens because we spoke about everything but more importantly we could understand and give each other the freedom to express ourselves in total surrender to the moment.  The thoughts that we had created by the life that we choose to have were actually the same. Douts and pain were of the same form. the same solid, liquid substance that could connect us like no other could connect with us. I slowly found out that i loved Anna as a little sister and i began to say this. that i have a little sister. All my life i wanted a little sister to take care of and watch her grow.

When Vita went we stayed sitting on the spot, with the sun in our eyes and the beach in our backs. talking about everything we could not talk about with Vita present. Ina few hours we went through the whole cycle of emotions and feelings. Trough our words we cried and laughed really hard about our own lies and the way we perceived the love that others gave us. talking about true love as if it was in front of us. just waiting for us to gather ourselves together.

We went to Rabia's house later so i could give him my poem and Anna made a drawing about Tazjin.
He had such a good connection with us that he invited us to stay for as long we want. Anna and me fell in love with  this little village already so it was easy to say yes. So we stayed , for 10 or 12 days.

On the twenty third we arrived in Essaouria.
Anna felt really depressed when we came here. It had something to do with the ups and downs her emotions went through. I let her climb out of it by using my words. I didn't now that i could do this but it was so. Anna really felt good aain all of a sudden. it was so strange that we just expected it as our power together. Than we went into the city and met up with our couchsurfing host. Alreasdy for two weeks Anna said that we could arrive in Essaouria. now it was finnally time and we could sleep at his place. he was nice. very helpful without asking anything, maybe too little for my taste.

The next day Anna wanted to be alone. I made poems for people and then met Andrea, also a traveller. Anna came over not long after and we hitted it off real good. Andrea gave me her jacket and we met her dog. We soon came to the realization that Andrea's car and Anna driving skill's could combine and we could travel together. and i could sit in the back and write stories. It was done. in a few days we would leave. In the evening i saw a girl with a mesmerizing attitude. I came towards her and stayed silent, not knowing where to begin. "Maybe we can begin with telling our names.". "Yes , that sounds like a good plan." Her name was Leila. I wanted to make her a poem "I am meeting friends. i have no time." I did not give up and said. then we will stumble into each other the next day. "Haha, oke, deal. let's stumble over each other." She said it with a smile in her eyes. This day i also met a girl who cried during my poem and who gave me food. Some days later she stumbled into me again when i felt a little bit melancholic. She let me see her diary wich my poem was in now, and together with my poem, two side of a paper filled with her thoughts about our meeting and the poem.


I stumbled into Leila again and i made her a poem "It is better than i expected."
she hugged me, thanked me and i knew that the words meant something in her life. I was glad.
Anna was in the meantime busy about finding a guitar. We met a guy named Rachid who did cool with his magic tricks who had a guitar for two hundred Diram. It was a little bit too much for that Guitar but Anna payed it. Because a minute before she payed the guitar Fernando came. Fernando. A Mexian who smiled in his lazy way and drank the innocence of freedom every moment he got. Anna met him on the roundabout where she hitchhiked to Marocco. They walked towards each other, greeting and hugging like long lost friends. Fernando had broken his guitar and Anna said "No problem, you have a new guitar!" she gave him the one she wanted to buy. So everyone was happy and Fernando and us were connected through love. Andrea met us in the evening and we busked the morning after with the whole club. When Andrea had to leave us already we got the suggestion about playing in a plaza of restaurants. so we did and we made a theatershow about it. It was really fun. We were invited to eat and a French woman gave us her tazjin. Afer the food we met Titjan. Titjan and me met each other in a restaurant from a guy who had some Jealous issues. Titjan worked in the restaurant behind the bar and i met the owner with his girlfriend when i was in a smiley mood and i made the girlfriend a poem. also because she was Irish. The owner said nothing, only that he wanted a poem as well. I had an ecounter when it was raining and i wanted to shelter in the restaurant but i had to buy water for 20 Diram, so i left. When i wanted to say goodbye to them, Titjan saw me, went inside the restaurant and gave me a waterbottle in my hand without saying anything, just a wink.  I went to say goobye to him but i saw the owner with his girlfriends again and i had to open my mouth and say that maybe i will meet her again, because i am really curious about her story. The owner found it was enought and went up to the chair where i sat and said ."No fucking talking to my girlfriend mate, Don't fucking look at her. We don't do this kind of thing here mate, no fucking kidding. You have three seconds to get up and get out of here otherwise i will really fucking explode."


So i went and never saw them again. But Titjan yes. He invited me and my friends to his friend's house where we made food for all of us and he told me that he left the restaurant. After the food, we made music from their country. Senegal. It was so magical to see true freedom in the eyes of long lost brotherhood. I exhaled a few notes myself and they all laughed and cheered me on. On the streets we managed to see Andrea again and also Leila came by "I will cherish the poem forever." Leila had a sort of magic around her that made me weak in my knees.


The next day Andrea said that she needed 100 Diram. I gave it to her and we needed to follow her around Essaouria for we needed to leave this instant with the car. Her friend needed to go to Agadir to the airport. Why he didn't leave earlier , with the bus is a mystery to me but okay. We all got into the car and he drove like crazy to Agadir airport. He missed it with a few minutes. We were in a car with a young man who Always got what he wanted from other people, but i had to put him in order and say that we didn't had money for weed because the gasoline was to expansive for us. "Thank you for doing that" everyone said. The young man couldn't believe that he couldn't persuade me to give him anything. Andrea had travelled with her ex- husband and him for over one year and she had lost her self perservation. She had yes to everything they wanted. and now it was time for her strenght to come out of her hiding place. The young man surprised me by paying me the money back he already got from me for weed. Respect has a funny way of slipping inside minds. We drove back to the airport and Anna and me just were so happy that we began to busk in front of the exit where all the passengers went from the flights to their cars. Fernando and Andrea went along and it was all a bunch of funny business.

The young man left us in the morning after Anna said that we do not drive back to Essaouria for his pleasure.c So it was us four who drove in a car where we didn't had money for. It was difficult but i learned a lot. We lost ourselves in asking for food and even for Benzine because Andrea did that for ove ra year and it was easy for Maroccans where very friendly. We often slept with to much food in our bellies. but later on i felt really terrible, because i did not write anymore or even performed as a dancer or anything to earn my living. We slept in hotels and got everthing our heart desired but it was not based on our skills as artists. as human beings. The first night in Agadir we got pizza and a place to sleep on a beach on lounge chairs. the second day we got in trouble with the police who had us locked up on the policestation for four hours and when they stumbled into Andrea they said "Your friends are in the policestation , do you want to go to them." When she answered no, they left her standing there. the police gave us 25 Diram and something that he said was a drug. Anna said to herself that she wanted a smoke and not even a second later a police man offered her a sigaret. The reason why we were there was the sign we made about us and our travelling lifestyle. Probably they thought it was a secret message for something really bad. Really, four policecommanders came and wanted a look at our sign.

Slowly we went to Paradise valley and left Agadir and the westcoast to her beauty. Paradise valley was truly Paradise. After Paradise we went slowly to Marrakech to pick up Anna's best friend. With the five of us we sat in the car and played around with our possibilities. Anna drove a little bit and even the poet tried the steering wheel. Not even driving, only trying. One tier had a hole inside it one time but for 20 diram we got a new one.


In the mountains inbetween Marakech and Quarzazate we slept. In the morning i went down to the river to get some water and Zazoo, the dog of Andrea went with me. it was special to feel. Somehow i felt the bond between human and dog very strongly when i stood there on the riverbend.  I never thought about it but the dog my family had when i was young is still in my heart and Andrea believes she lives on in all the dogs i meet. That they can smell it that you still misses the friend you lost. Inthe evening the girls and the guys split up to get some luck on the Streets. The girls came back with a woman who was a chef in a restaurant who sat in the car and guided us to her house. She couldn't speak english and it was strange but also very cool that we just followed her handsignals. When we were in her home she gave us amazing food and we could sleep there.


the next morning it was my birthday and we were still with the woman in the house. We just stuffed ourselves. In the evening they got a chocolate cake for me and i got some oranges for them. Anna came to me with "Happy birthday" on her lips and i felt really good.


the next day we all got quite sick but Fernando and me and Zazoo tried to make music on the Streets.  When we got better we all went inside the car again and left. We were heading to the Rainbow of Marocco. A Rainbow is a home for all travellers and lost souls to finnally come home and live in unity and peace with the nature and everyone around you. The Rainbow exist because of you. If you come you do all that you were supposed to do. If you don't have money you can give your talent and help out in the community that the Rainbow is. It is a community that exist for a mooncycle to celebrate life and love. It is all around the world throughout all the year in all different places.


But before we went there we got invited by a restaurant in Quarzazate to celebrate the hospitality of Marocco. eight bottles of wine were empy on the tabel and dancing was not for me that evening. Puking was my favouritehobby that night. The maroccons didn't even looked around for my health. Anna did, the whole evening long. But the culture of Marocco leaves me speechless anytime i learn more about it. They don't see visitors as unique people i think. They see only a person who can be used to express gratitude for life for. I really hated this but it really, really learned me a lott about why i hated this. I came abck to my dad and i cried several times. But i also met one Maroccon man who became a true friend for me in that moment. He openend up and told this true love story who hit my heart. his wife died after several years and he had to work all day, all hours to just send money back to his parents. he drank to see his wife again. It broke my heart and i wrote him a poem.
He was the waiter of the restaurant who gave us the eight wine bottles. We could stay in that restaurant for several days and eat there whatever we asked for.

And than it was time to go. Andrea left us to return to her roots and i when we split up it didn't mater with hitckhiking because when i left the car with Agatha ( Anna's best friend) Fernando and Anna came to embrace us again. As if we had planned this. A driver of a truck picked is up after that and drove us to Zagora. In the evening, the same truckdriver stopped for us again. Together with him another car stopped and so we had two cars who drove us to Tagonite at the same time. In tagonite there was a guy who wanted to host us in his hotel so we said yes. In the morning we met the first other travellers who were going to the Rainbow.


The Rainbow was coming home for me, truly coming home, to a place where my voice was respected and loved, truly loved by like minded travellers who come from pain and lonelyness. and who got out of it by love and nothing else than love. Finding out that they have a place in the world to be themselves and be stronger than any doubt or fear inside themselves. We got hugged and blessed when we came. People calling out "Welcome home." Time and time again. I said "I love you" to a man who was the purest boy in my eyes. He responded "Then you are very spiritual." I began to love him as my older brother who taught me things about life. There were so many beautiful inspirations walking around that i have difficulty of knowing where to begin. Ther e was a guy named David who could talk with me about love and being grown up and standing up towards the power inside you. He had a very impressive darkside. A guy from France who i played around with, innocently but i saw later when i was on acid a dark hole where his soul was supposed to be. There was this long haired very shy American who did Acid with me for the first time for the both of us. It was from San Fransico ( Hometown of acid) and it was in a liguid form. The truest most beautiful acid that you could ever aquire. or so the words were from the Mexian lady who gave us the acid. She fell in love with the shy American there , in Marocco and she felt like a mother to me. And did i mention the very many Polish people who i fell in love with. Oh mann... so many people i met that it is to much to write down but i will try. Adrianna is the most important. A girl who was so in control of her body that she didn't even know that she was not in control. I could see straight throught her and she didn;t even blink an eye. She fell in love with the Dutch poet. Holding my book in her hands which she had found in the library tent. With pleasure eyes and a need to hug me and ask me all kind of quiestond about Eamelor.""Does Sarah have more chapters? How does the land look like? What did you mean with this? I am so curious, can you explain me more? She shined and looked determined to mesmerize herself around my words when i spoke again about Eamelor. So i did my best to speak around the campfire every night, or most of the times to give the Rainbow my talent and so learn more about my gift as a storyteller than i could ever expirience. I did all sorts of things. Splitting the group of 30 people in three groups who made sounds as their group name was mentioned in the story. Improvising whole fairytales to give my gift a boundary she had to cross every night again.

I would not linger on the pratical things so much that we had to do to give the Rainbow air to breath. only that we had to do a watermission every day, that i loved to cook and that there were flies everywhere and if there were no flies there were sandstorms.

Many other briljant people who learned me a lot where present. A girl who felt like my crazy sister who could only look at the dark side of herself but i saw the briljant radiance of her beauty and strength. A young man who was the Messenger of fearless dreams. A Scottish lash who inspired me to enter the love for the magical forests of expanding freedom. My own Thorgal who came. A whole lot of Dutch people who meant a lot for my basic foundation of knowing that i am still welcome and loved by my home.

Now i think i know the feeling of thanking everyone at the grammy's.
They all meant so much for my expirience, for my life.


And i should not forget about the many Moroccan Rainbow sisters and brothers who came into the end to learn what a Rainbow is. And then Especially one girl. Her name is Kinsa and she is the strongest woman who i ever met. also the most interesting and the most stuck in her own mind. She is very intelligent and very, very beautiful. In every way, the kind of woman who i really feel attracted towards. I was scared of her. and not in a strange way or i acted wrd around her but it was in a way that she put a spell upon me where i was not afraid to be myself and open up to the possibility that we were having a good time. Such a good time that she could even fall in love with me. And that was scary. I admitted it to myself when i was alreasy running away. I looked lkike a thief in the night. But i was happpy to leave, i didn't know really why i left but i was happy. Untill the next day when i cried on the Streets. It was also because of a crazy guy who shouted at me for no reason other than messing with my head but it was more. On the socnd day i danced on the Streets of a sudden joy in my heart. I didn;t know what it was untill i texted my mother and told her that i ran away from love. In that instant i made the decision to go back and face my fear of being loved and for once and for all get rid of it, or starting to get rid of it.


So i returned and learned that Kinsa cried that day that i left. This was really scaring me but i tried to make contact with her and said "I missed you more than the others." When i said tnhis i felt the wall inbetween us thickening. Later on when i wrote in my book about all the things Cestmir would do to talk with Kinsa i did just that when i found out that that was what i did. Always, just being blunt and say what i have to say. Well...in a beautiful poetic way. Kinsa did not had any faith in the direction of the conversation but in the end she said "Cestmir, you are truly a genius. The way you directed this conversation into the conclusion. Very briljant." She was the one who wanted to repeat every word of the conversation to make a story about it. For i asked her in the beginning what she felt when i said that i missed her more that the others. She responded with telling me that she was confused. In that moment i knew it and i said it "So, to say it more clearly. You are not attracted to me and i am, to you." , I smiled and wanted to dance. "We can be friends!"

Kinsa taught me that i did not have to be afraid of love. I can just return and face the consequences because i can always come back to what Cestmir truly feels and act upon it.


I met other good friends, like A girl named Hasna from Marocco which i talked with about the ventures of life. A Polish guy who is a Carpenter and he said that i could live with him because he loved me and he wanted to learn me his proffesion. In the early days of the Rainbow a mother and her daughter of eight came for two days. I became a symbol of freedom for that child and the mother and me became real good friends. Together with this family, two girls from Spain came who were best friends. I walked the roads of atraction with one of them/ but the other one liked me also very much. The girl who i had feelings for was masaging people as a job. One evening i could lay in the tent and she taught me how to locate the tensions in shoulders. but i was not a good test person. "You have no tension in your body at all." I expirienced on her and her friend asked how i was doing. "Mmmh.."was her only response.

I was really happy to meet Yuri as well. A Belgium Storyteller and poet. He was most of the times in the village, trying to connect them to the Rainbow and cure any misunderstandings. I had respect for him, for the way he lived and the challenges he looks for. We didn't had any chance to do a story together but that time will come.

I can write a whole book about the girl named Myriam. and someday i will. But the only thing i can say here is that it was extraodinary to meet her, it was so helpful to see her demons and the way she interpreted the words around her. not seeing the most beautiful thing right in front of her. In the end, in the van, she cried so much because she wanted to face the pain and the fear that blocked her from seeing the joy in life. Not that she was unaware of the beauty. she was seeing it clear as day but hoped to be ever more closer and stay close to these persons or these situations. not that she was clinging. she was very true to herself and very honest but also very hard on herself. By every word i want to say about her to describe her a little bit i feel that i am not doing her justice at all so i will stop. but in the end all that matters is that i loved her, love her as my truest mirror that the world can give me to understand myself more.



If you want to know more about the Rainbow you can ask me or just wait untill i perform and then come by.

At the end of the Rainbow Gathering i had diarrhea and some wounds on my feet.
Together with Myriam,  Mark, A guy who was spiritual and very strong in his oppinions of how the world works and how it reacts to him. And finally my bloodbrother. Joel is his name and he is exactly what i need to channel my thoughts to strenght and not to doubts because he sees me truly as the power i am, even without my words. When i met him we bonded and connected and saw that we were totally equal spirits who could give each other compliments that were born out of a degree of self loving that was being kept in the soul of seeing. Together with them i travelled to Spain and to France.

We travelled in the van and it was not easy. but we learned a lot about how we all are and what we need to feel blessed or even just good with ourselves.  We visited quite some wonderful places in the Atlas mountains, and i went with to the border a day beforehand to see if i got into any trouble by extending the three months they gave me to stay in Marocco. And yes. I had to go to court even to give them my fingerprint and then it was good. I could leave. A day was passed and i went alone to Spain. Trying to hitchhike to Granada for that was where we had planned to see eachother again. I thought that the van had passed Granada already and went to France without me, especially when i was stuck on the highway for four days. But there i was, in Granada with new sneakers who fitted me perfectly and 50 euro's. I left Marocco with no shoes and no money so it was quite an accomplishment to aquire such things in four days when all you do is hitchhike. I can explain. In the boat i met two woman who gave me twenty euro's just because they liked my story and they liked that i didn't ask for money. I was Hitchiking on a very desolate road and i began to explore. When i came back i saw a car by my bags. I ran on my bare feet towards the car and a window was openend. "I see that you don't have any shoes. Can i give you my shoes?" "uumm.Yes ofcourse." The driver unleashed his shoes from his feet and gave them to me. "So they fit?" "They fit perfectly and very comfortable!?" "You can have them. i am sorry. I can not take you for i am going the wrong way but have a nice day." and he took off. Leaving me flustered.

Kindness is hidden in miracles that happen when you act upon your not knowing

So i could walk along the highway to a tankstation where i stood for a day. the next day two men came to me after one and other. They both gave me 10 euro's and exused themselves for they could not take me. The girl who took me gave me 15 euro's for she loved the poem i wrote for her.

On the Streets of Malaga i found a carpet, intact and beautiful in the garbage. I paided for the bus to Granada and met three girls in the bus who i wrote a poem for. In Granada i went to the caves where people live in and found a girl who didn't speak. When i asked if she hjad lost her tong she stuck it out. She wrote down that i could sleep in the valley where she lived and i followed her. She invited me to stay but i had to leave the next day because the van with my friends had just arrived in Granada. They lost the key of the van in Marocco and theirby i could still travel with them to hot springs and the grandparents of Mark to drink wine and play chess. Slowly we seperated and Joel and me were the ones who hitchiked together to Belgium. We got huge plates of food from the restaurant above the highway and a man who walked us by when we were playing chess said "Sure, i will bring you to Brussel." The first second we got in the car the man started crying, saying: "I got stuck in my worst nightmare. I work at a bank and all my life is surrounded by the need to make and have money." He just returned from three days meditating ontop of a mountain. Now is Joel's passion meditating so they could share their love and their vision's for life and meditation with each other and i could make him a poem and complete thoughts that Joel started too bring the conversation to it's full potential. Joel did the same if i couldn't find the right words. We had felt this unity the instant we met in marocco. it is like we are more than equal with our state of being in the world and the thoughts we have about how the spirits connect to the oneness that we are. And this man that started crying wanted our help. Needed it to confront himself and the beliefs he had and who he had hidden away for the "greater good." He was afraid his girlfriend would leave him and his children should not be able to see him. Joel and i have made him realise that his strength to change the future is hidden in his tears and his openness towards his family. She had the same dreams of going to Rainbow Gatherings and live in freedom with nature. The man hugged us and cried in our arms to express that he found us Angels.


Joel and i got a free pizza from a pizza place and seperated to go our own story. I got picked up by a Moroccan who drove me to a tankstation nearby Den Haag. This Moroccan was so exited about the poem i made for him that he called his wife so that i could make also a poem for her. I got a ride to Den Haag and so i performed as a living statue and made money for the train to home. But before i went i wanted a "Patatje Oorlog." I saw a small shop. The smallest shop in Den Haag and asked if i could get Fries for free. That was no problem and she invited me to sit back with her nearby the heater and i made her a poem. I talked with her clients and she offered me more food and a drink. She said that she was going to hang my poem upon the wall of her shop for everybody to see.


This was the last adventure i had before i returned home and kissed my mother again.

Barcelona again

After several months back in the Netherlands, Anna send me a text that she was in Portugal and was planning on going to Marocco.

I suddenly felt like i needed to go with her. I pushed it a little and after the first Christmas day i spend with my family i got onto a bus to go to Barcelona.

After one day in the bus i arrived and went directly to Samantha and Mads.
The family that had stolen my heart for ever. Everyone was there, even Tess, who came from Copenhagen to spend time with her family.

When i walked in they were just about to watch the latest movie with Leonardo Di Caprio. The Revenant.
it was the perfect timing Samantha said. This was not the only time a family said this to me.

After the movie i began to talk with Samantha and Abraham about life, Jezus, Evil and being yourself. Samatha said i could be as big as Ghandi and that no harm could be done to me. She encouraged me to go to Afrika, deeper and deeper into the jungle. she saw that great power inside of me. Abraham had grown up, not playing the piano anymore for he did not wanted to be so stuck on learning how to play like a perfect artist. and he walked ever so slowly now to the tram instead of running all the time.

He got a girlfriend. I met her and Ambraham told me she had a weak belly. The instant i heard this i felt connected with her. Always pain and not having the abbility to enjoy fully of the food she consumped.
Abraham asked her if she ate anything already when we met in the midday. That was not the case so we went back to the house to eat something. Here it was were i felt not so talkative and just sat on the couch to enjoy my sandwich. After some time she sat with me and ate her food. we glanced at eachother from time to time. After the food we all went to the city to sit and enjoy the weather.

On the way to the chilling spot the girlfriend stopped me and said "You have such powerful energy, i could hear you when i sat next to you. And i really enjoyed the food, i let it fall down my throat without thinking. Just enjoying. I could hear your soul."

When we sat down, Abraham and her started talking about something and after a while i had the feeling to hug her, so i did. I asked her if i could touch her stomach, "Of course." I felt that i didn't wanted to stop so i didn't. my hands found her belly and i laid her down on the ground. From that time forward it was as if we embraced eachother in a cacoon of high power. Abraham watched from afar. It was timeless in that moment. I felt that the energy inside of me wanted to express itself in soundwaves going through her body. I had no desire to kiss her or any of that. i followed my guts to carress her. wanting to get rid of that belly ache she lived with all her life.

After the feeling had gone i sat with Abraham. He said that just before i did what i did she wanted to call a friend of her to do exactly what i just did. As if nature knew that that friend was not available so i did it.

He found it remarkeble and beautiful that i did what i did. In the two days that i was hanging out with him and his family he asked me a lot of questions. As if i knew all the answers of the world. An apprentice and a teacher i felt we were. I love him so much. it is unbelievable how much i love him.
He said that he was scared and wanted to know why, as if i knew the answer. On the last day i said "Maybe because you want to many things in life and  Evil can sense this and uses it to make you feel scared."

The final day when me and the kids got home, Samantha bought some wine and asked us all to dance.
Soon we were all taking turns and a huge freedom began to exist. It was special to see all the dancing. I will never forget it.

It was time to go. Abraham brought me to Gabriella. The woman i arranged via Blabla car to bring me to Granada.

In the car, Gabriella asked "Your friend, is it a boy or a girl?" "A boy,  whauw. But changed?" No, huh, is he gay?" "He looks so beautiful, like a Michelangelo angel."