Friends and then Poland

I had a birthday party from Koen where we played a bord game and we sat in a self made jacuzzi before i left. I wanted to leave right after but i couldn't.

I couldn't get a ride but there was something more and that was the funeral of one of my favourite teachers. It was crazy. I had met him just a month ago, to tell him about that i found a love and he hugged me and we laughed. And now he was dead. At 35 year's old. His girlfriend was pregnant of a boy.

The school had invited everyone to come and say goodbye. There was a room with his pictures and a place where you could lay flowers. Almost 200 students came there. Many old students who fell in love with the way he taught and lived.

Here it was where i met my friend Betul who i met at the school. We got talking and we really loved to hear the story of the other one. We had met one year ago for the last time. I told her about the love that i discovered and she told me the most amazing story. about that she was in the middle of her dream. Going to Istanbul to teach English there. She had a lot to work out, especially with the goverment and she spend her time hopping up and down with an airplane. I got so inspired and i felt that this was the time.

All my travels i receive everything and much more i ever believed in i could receive. Now it was my time to pay it back. The goverment had given me 700 euro because i paid too much taxes. I wanted to give 250 to Betul. She resisted quite well but i knew i wanted this. So i could slip it into her bag and she would look how much it was when she was in the plane to Turkey.

She said "Man..Cestmir, You know right, that nobody of my friends would do what you did. You are special. You do not think of material things, only friendship." She gave me a stone she had carried for two years in her wallet.

I went to Poland after that.

My mom brought me to the highway. It rained but i didn't care so much. But all my journey to Poland i couldn't stop thinking of my love and what she did with me. I cried so hard one night. One truckdriver took me in the area of Berlin. Here i was picked up by a van with nice girls in it. They wanted to drop me off at the border and then they picked up a friend and stayed there for the night.

I felt that i wanted to come with them. Because i didn't want to spend time alone. but at the same time i couldn't say this directly to them so i kind of pushed them. I felt horrible because i was to weak to stand by my feelings. or by my path. I stayed there for the night and in the morning i was to get off at one point and decide for myself again where the road takes me. but i was still a little bit afraid of myself so i waited to make a decision some time. But then i had to face my path. so i got my guts and finally left the van to take the road upon my shoulders.

Somtimes it is easy to lay your problems with other people. But that is not a road i would choose to go. I forget that sometimes, that my life is only my concern.

I stood for 20 minutes beside the road but no car stopped. i was getting pissed of by myself. I started to walk. I needed a lesson in humility. To forget my longing to be and embrace the silence of walking towards nowhere and everywhere.
I felt despair coming and going. When i tied my laces a car stopped. She could drop me off at a highway entrance. 5 minutes after she dropped me off a truck stopped with two polish in it. They took me and liked me.

on the road we got in a jam but no worry. they shouted out of the truck if there was a car wanting to take a Dutch tourist to Krakow. There was, so we switched on the tankstation and in the evening i was in Krakow.

The magic flows when you choose to face the despair of your fears.


The first day i met a girl with a balloon in her hand. She was part of a birthday party. She liked the poem.

I met her boyfriends as well and he walked into me when i was laying on the ground one day, dreaming about the perfection of life.

He sat with me and he wanted to talk about spiritual stuff so we did.
He had meditated with some Monks for some weeks.
And after awhile he said "You are the highest degree of Buddhism. Every Buddhist wants to be like you."

Another girl took me to a vegan restaurant where i could take the leftovers. I asked the girl behind the bar to go out on a date but she was to busy with her exams.

I was standing in front of a Mac Donalds when i hear Dutch people playfully arguing what to eat.
"I want a fish burger." I said. They turned and one guy asked. "So you are hungry?" I explained a little bit what i did and then the guy said. "Why not, you will get a fish burger from me."  It were four friends on holiday. I said that he could have a poem for it. He wanted none but his friends said. "How can yo urefuse a poem. So they said one word each about their friend and i made the poem.

It became a poem about why his friends were his friends and i used an expression which made them laugh so hard that one fell from the chair and they couldn't believe that i had written that. "That is the exact same sentence i used some hours ago with the exact same words to describe how he became our friend!"


When i walked the streets one day i heard some one sing. "Do you see me?"
i turned around and said. "I see you!"
It were two friends and we got talking. they liked me and said "Well, if you want free food , you better stick with us." So we ate in a restaurant and we spend the day walking. We walked towards an area where all young people gathered and there were lots of places to drink and eat and hang out. I made poems here and got invited to sleep at one's home. He was about my age and worked at this Hummus bar downtown. He invited me the next evening to eat there for free.

"I am sorry but i do not know if i have a place to sleep for you tonight."
This was a sentence a man uttered in this Hummus bar who just turned to me. After the sentence he had to leave to take care of something. But he would come back in one hour to say if i could sleep in his house or not. After one hour he came back and sat with me and exhaled a large breath he had held for a long time.

"Sorry, but i cannot host you. My girlfriend, i took with me from the forest is crazy. she just slapped me in the face and ran off." "What happened." I asked. I hoped my voice was very cool.

"Oh. we were in the bookstore and she wanted this book, but it was a book that was the last in a pile of books. The owner said it was not very wise to pull it like that otherwise the pile would fall and she had to pay for everything. I laughed behind my hand, I thought it would be fun to see that. But she got angry and ran off.  When i came to the house, she was there and she was blaming me for not choosing her side so she slapped me in the face and she ran off."

The storyteller inside of me felt very good at this point. I felt this outburst of energy straddling itself, ready for an adventure of inspiration.

"But come back tommorow, maybe i will  have a place. My last tennant ran off because she got scared of me."

So i came back and he forgot. He had still no place for me but it was good that i was here because he had to help this friend with moving. Of course i helped because i love moving stuff. We came there and we got everything form her appartement in the large van. Then we walked to her new appartement and we moved everything two floors up. Meanwhile we got talking, mostly about girls. "I like you, you are a great listener. i was in need of a good listener. I feel that everything is spinning around me." He said. I lifted him in the air and spun him around while hugging him. Afterwards he whispered amazed to himself. "He hugged me."

I was in Krakow to be an audience to one of my little brothers. He was going to perform with his orchestra in the biggest church. It was only in one week time so i had some time to be on my one. I stayed in Krakow. Sleeping wherever i could. Making poetry to the girls i was following and meeting on the streets. who gave me their smiles. One of them just bumped into me and i had to make a conversation. I made a poem and she had some friends where i could sleep. Brilliant. So i went there. I could sleep there for as long as i wanted. one of the roommates was singersongwriter. he was struggling with words upon his music. He really liked the poem i made for him so he asked me if i could give it a shot. to write the lyrics. I did and it was exactly what he wanted. "You wrote it but it is just me." I was surprised but very glad. The text told a story about a grandma who didn't want to kiss in public anymore. The grandpa sang the song to remember her how much he loved her and to fuck off with the insecurity.

 I did not sleep that well. my travelling instincts kicked in and my insecurity of me being loved. I texted Sam and i had so much going on in my head. I had to leave.

I went to a beautiful place where you could swim in a lake inbetween great rocks. I made a poem for a group of friends and i got Sprite, Cucumber, Bread, four tomatoes, cake and chips from them. I slept there and in the morning i got a citrus from the guard.  When my brother came i told him and his friends about it. Anna came also because she was in Poland to visit her family. She came with her mother. This was the beginning of me meeting all her family. But first we had to see Sascha perform.
It was an open air performance and it was special to be there. Together with my little brother in Poland to support him. His friends in the orchestra were surprised to see his brother here. Anna and me were Sascha's biggest fans. "Does he smile?" Anna asked me. "yes, only when he looks at me." I answered.

We also had a small adventure with a polish guy

he broke up with his girlfriend in northern Poland and on the internet came in contact with Anna who asked if anyone wanted to drive us to a nice place.

So he came, he had nothing better to do. He picked us up in the night and asked "so, where do you want to go." "I don't know."Anna replied. "Just, drive around." Eventually we got on the highway and we decided to go to Wroclaw. He drove us all the night. We slept at a tankstation and in the morning he asked. "So, what do you want to do?" I answered. "Well, I have to get back to Krakow because my brother is going to swim with me."

There was this small second wherein our friend had no words but then he said. "Okay, so we drove all night to see this tankstation. Thank you, i had never been here." And we went back to Krakow.

He still wanted to see us in the evening. Sascha and Anna met each other and together with Sascha and his friends we went to this beautiful lake to swim.
Sascha gave me the ticket to the performance in the big church in a couple of days.

In the evening we went with this Polish guy to a national park. We slept there and we had a small party. I forgot to tell you this but the Polish guy used Speed for three days and did not sleep when we first met him. This night Anna and him took the last Speed. The police came in the morning. Only Anna was awake at this time. The police found this small empty bags and had to search the car. They asked Anna. "Who is that sleeping there in that field, Is he dead?" "Oh, no that is Cestmir." When she woke me up i was very stressed. I don't like the police. But Anna said. "Relax, they are very kind. They could take us to jail but they don't and they didn't even check the car really." After Anna took a alcohol test the police told us to take a rest to get the alcohol out of our system and then move our asses.

We humble agreed.

The polish guy drove us to Anna's family and i met them all. The grandma gave me all new clothes and i had to take a bath. The food was amazing. We slept at The brother's place. Mihau was his name and he had some anger issues but you just had to fall in love with him. He was a carpenter and he was smiling from ear to ear to see me and Anna. We could stay there untill we died.

Anna had said to him that he had a brother whose name was Cestmir. Mihau and me could not speak so good with each other but we could be happy with the other one around. I played Pokemon and then Mihau said. "let's go to Romania in a week." We agreed. He had a week off from work so he wanted to use it to travel with us somewhere.

But first Sascha again. I made it to the church in Krakow and some one said. "You are Sascha's brother, you can sit in the front row." They all came in and Sascha smiled when he saw me. He could sit next to a very nice looking lady. The lady was an expert on violin and she played a few songs with the orchestra.

After the concert i talked with Sascha and said "You had a very nice looking lady sitting next to you." His reply found me unprepared. He said "Yeah.. very nice. I wanted to impress her a little bit, but the Conductor was not so pleased with me." When he said this i realized that i saw the conductor looking a little bit angry at his direction when they played.

This was the first time Sascha talked about girls. I felt like a really happy brother then.

I waved at the bus where the orchestra stepped in to go back to the Netherlands.
Then i went back to Anna's family.

Normally you meet a traveller on the road and if there is a connection you travel together for sometime but that's it.  Anna was different. Really different. I found out that she was my sister. I still see her as my little sister but do not even think of saying that to her. Because all my life i wanted a little sister to take care of.

We now know eachother for one year and some months but it seems like a life time. And of course i wanted to meet her family. and now i had the time of my life.

Her father had some of the same energy vibes as my father. Her mother really new a lot about plants and brewing alcohol. Her grandma looked at me and said "He is homeless, i would give him clothes." I loved the socks she gave me. Her grandfather would wake up in his bed and believed that that was the time to get dressed. The time didn't matter. His body just needed activity and he was always helping the people on the streets.

And Mihau was just adorable. We stayed in his place and we could do whatever. He didn't mind.

our trip to Romania was one hell of a ride. We went by car. Mihau had the best driving skills but his anger issues made him a bit uncomfortable as a driver. And we had only one week to enjoy Romania so we had to be quick. We drove every day in that week, maybe we made 100 kilometres minimum every day.

So we saw the black sea and then we were in Poland again. We had some nice hours where we relaxed in the rivers with our clothes on and we saw some nice things. really nice things. Such as the old vulcano that still sputtered. or the amazing mountains that surrounded a valley.

At the second last day our car dripped benzine. Anna and me were half asleep when the car just slipped and we made a turn on the highway. There were no cars and Mihau had the car under control. We went to a mechanic and they could help us so we could leave for Poland that day. but the car still dripped. So eventually we lost a lot of fuel. maybe three times as much.

At the beginning of the journey i  said that i didn't had money. Anna just thought she could pay for me. But instead of the 70 euro it was supposed to be, it became 250 euro per person. So of course Anna couldn't pay for me. So i had to pay him when i got the money.

There was also a nice thing that happened on the border when the police officier checked our passports. He said the names of everyone in the car and then he said "And Cestmir, your brother?"

Mihau just turned around and said "It is official." we gave eachother a higfive and laughed.

When we got back, Mihau wanted me to meet his friends. When i came in the cafe he opened his arms, pointed at me and said "And this is my brother Cestmir!!!" I did the same and we truly were family at that point. And from that point forward.

This was also the day that I finished Anna's story.

All the persons i meet, every situation i stand in are stories to me. Since the moment that i met Anna i was intrigued in the connection that we found while we walked the streets and talked on the broken parts of who we were. who we are. I wanted to found out what Anna was. Who Anna was. Where she came from. But i don't like asking questions so much. Well, sometimes i do. But not with Anna. I had to wait until she openend up and showed me her story.

And there i found it. In the pub where she discovered she could live her own live for the first time. In her hometown where she grew up, riding around in her underwear through the night.

I felt a click inside of me when i saw Anna meeting her old friends and i knew i closed the chapter called Anna.

I could write a fairytale about her without not knowing.

When i met Anna, i could see clear as day the strength Marocco had given her; To decide her own road. At this time i was still feeling that i needed to understand what Marocco gave me. It had given me strength indeed but there had to be an origin inside myself where it all connected and was born from. When i met Anna, i was glad because through her eyes i could find out what it was.

it took some days but it happened during a talk we had. Without wanting to, i began to speak  about my brother and the way he influenced my life. Sometimes my unconscious speaks and then i find the words i was looking for all my life.

I spoke about my brother and the way he was dragged in front of me towards the police cars outside when i was 14. I spoke about how, in that moment, i decided to take his beauty and put it in myself. Because he would never be the same Demian again. And i could not see his beauty die and fade away.

This beauty i took was the start of my adventures of dancing and writing poetry. performing and putting myself out there. standing above the heartpangs of the world. don't let me stop believing in my dreams.

I was never without my brother, he stayed with me all this time to celebrate my steps of going my own way.

I cried when i understood what i was saying. I never before realised the words i was speaking.

Anna took my hand. "This is one of the days that we will remember when we are old as one of the days that changed our life forever."


So Poland was one hell of a ride.


Anna and me were planning of going to the Netherlands to meet my family but all changed when i texted Sam.

She said that she would leave for Portugal in Three days.
So i decided instantly that i wanted to go to see her in Amsterdam right then.

Anna's father dropped me off at the highway and in one second i was picked up. In one second there was the second car to the border. There i slept and after five hours of hitchhiking a woman with a Scottish grandchild picked me up and drove me to Dortmund. I made a fairytale for the kid and Barbara ( The grandma.) talked with a polish truckdriver when she left me at the tankstation. The polish truckdriver named Gregory came to me and asked "I am not going to Amsterdam but i can drop you off in Utrecht." I had no idea how he knew that i wanted to go to Amsterdam. Gregory and i had a little party. When i was dropped off it was night and i took a ride to the trainstation.. In Amsterdam i knocked on Sam's door and i woke her up from a nightmare.