let me just say that I discovered the little girl. The story starts with her.
After the travel with my brother I travelled for five months through Macedonia, Albania, France and Germany before going back for Christmas to The Netherlands.
It was on a beach when I met her.
I slept. I woke up. I saw.
A girl, with a sketch book.
The world allowed me to feel it's contraction and I was eager to dismiss it. Because there has been a lot of moments where I was highly attracted to a woman,and the wolf inside of me felt a sudden urge to rush into the magical world of infatuation but at these times, I lost a part of me because I didn't went in for the kill.
and so it started. Another journey towards self control.
I was proud that I dismissed it. But existence wanted me to talk to her and therefore I saw her 10 minutes later on another beach.
Her appearance was peculiar. Her figure was busy drawing and it was time for me to enter her story.
I walked up to her and when she was made aware of my presence she looked up. I was greeted with a manner of compassion that I did not had the priviledge of seeing before. It was almost a melody in an ancient secret that renewed the cycle of life. And my days of joy were found.
The day before, I went to sleep with the question: "What is happiness?"
And I watched as my answer began to interact with me.
"Hello!!! How good of you to say Hi! I have just been drawing and It is so nice to have company."
While she talked she laid no claim to the numerous topics that slided into eachother effortlessly and the joy of living was shared thoughtlessly. It was truly a great honor to be at the side of such a wicked play of righteousness. She swept me up in her enthusiasm to celebrate the rigidness, the slime, the gruesome longing of what the moment held in its power.
She was a little girl who seemed the most innocent in her excitment. She had a range of topics that she could easily arrange in her bag of tricks.
When the evening showed its face I was happy to leave her. I felt that I could not possible take advantage of her time. But then she gracefully invited me to eat with her in a restaurant and I followed. It was not only her attitude that resembled a pure kid but her mind was a dungeon of open roads.
There was no fear that she was not scared of, no spark that triggered her to be ashamed.
The night was ours. Her restaurant was already fully booked and we went to my favourite restaurant to talk for hours and hours untill the closing times made us walk.
I never experienced such a diverse and intense day as I had with her.
And so, after long consideration I guided her to a very romantic spot overlooking the lake. The bay where we sat was seated in shadow with some faded light around us. It was almost as if some theater wrote a screenplay.
Her name is Star and she comes from America to teach this boy a lesson in humillity.
Sometimes I can be a slave to my own habits. For instance, the habit to make sure that Attraction is fought for. Star made me see that attraction had more depth and insights that I held possible. It was a simple act of teaching myself more social skills.
And then we kissed. It was triggered by my old habits and wounds. but she didn't mind. she had wondered if this was going to happen. She said that the kiss was a greeting and we confessed that it had no meaning but we liked it anyway so we kissed again.
Three days were about to follow. Three days where the dark mysteries and superficial light were closely intertwined.
On the first day she came to the beach where I lived in a cave. She met my friends and I saw how her tireless joy made us unite. Curious she asked, demanded and found redemption.
On the second day she met my True Love. The girl called Fountain who I had known for some years and who was closely intertwined with my destiny.
I saw how the Little girl and my True Love interacted and it was innocence and joy at its finest.
On the third day we woke up in an abandoned house and found that the love we were sharing was quite special actually.
When she went away that evening to carry out the rest of her life I was quite fulfilled. She had given me the rarity and the uniqueness of intertwined dreams that had eaten their course and had no complaints.
I later found out that she cried for me in the bus towards her next adventure. It had been for her a three day walk in a fairytale. She said that she had met the gatekeeper to a realm she had been looking for all her life but was not sure, now that she found it, if she was meant to open it and go through.
Months past and we kept in contact. She was in Berlin after her summer holiday and I was travelling through Albanie when finally I came to the South of France where I made the decision to go back home. It was clear to me that I wanted to experiment some more within the realms of interaction. Almost with a sigh of annoyance I surrendered to the loyal subject inside of me that wanted to be around people. And I understood one thing.
The path to enlightenment could not be affected by mere choice.
Ottherwise we would be very limited by the choices that we could make and we will be surrendered to a reality of suffering.
So it is amazing to know that whatever happens, we are on our journey. We are on the same journey always. The journey of self acceptance and understanding.
This journey consist of the simple act of redeeming ourselves for what we choose to be loyal to.
and the layers that we put upon the present moment slowly fall from our shoulders. They are like garments that drape themselves around us, waiting for the recognision to finally do nothing but exceed pleasure and thus, let go.
This is what happened in South of France. I could either follow the path to Star and let her guide me some more in the realms of love or I could hide in Sardinie and relish my own uniqueness.
It was one early morning in the south of france where a poet's feet guided him back to his home country. He made a detour first around Germany where he met Star and some of his friends but then, once again, he sat foot in the Netherlands.
There was something leading me back every time to Enschede. There was a story to discover. There, in the ruins of my childhood, I felt that there was a moment of bravery somewhere hidden in the blank space of conversations and revelations.
The skill to find value is a skill that many of us do not even dare to master.
This time, I introduced my parents to the Little Girl. And I accomplished a dream I had for years. She came to spend Christmas with my family and I could experience how I acted around the dream that I had long wished for. When I met her in Berlin she was emerged in her studies and the fairytale that we had made in Macedonia had stayed there. I visited her every day while I stayed with my dear storyteller friend and the time in Berlin was very enjoyable. She made me feel accepted and loved. I felt that our relationship was on the verge of changing but I didn't pay it any mind.
She gave me the abillity to see all the personality that I gathered over the years and through the interaction with her it could find some comfort to be joyful. I broke and mended all the dots that I instigated over the years. She was and is a symbol of my childish hope for redemption.
This is where it came down to: I relished the feeling of emotion and the melancholy of the past. Sometimes I choose to put myself in a situation of rigidness. I wait. Untill redemption finds me. It never does.
And that was why the little girl was discovered.
After the travel with my brother I travelled for five months through Macedonia, Albania, France and Germany before going back for Christmas to The Netherlands.
It was on a beach when I met her.
I slept. I woke up. I saw.
A girl, with a sketch book.
The world allowed me to feel it's contraction and I was eager to dismiss it. Because there has been a lot of moments where I was highly attracted to a woman,and the wolf inside of me felt a sudden urge to rush into the magical world of infatuation but at these times, I lost a part of me because I didn't went in for the kill.
and so it started. Another journey towards self control.
I was proud that I dismissed it. But existence wanted me to talk to her and therefore I saw her 10 minutes later on another beach.
Her appearance was peculiar. Her figure was busy drawing and it was time for me to enter her story.
I walked up to her and when she was made aware of my presence she looked up. I was greeted with a manner of compassion that I did not had the priviledge of seeing before. It was almost a melody in an ancient secret that renewed the cycle of life. And my days of joy were found.
The day before, I went to sleep with the question: "What is happiness?"
And I watched as my answer began to interact with me.
"Hello!!! How good of you to say Hi! I have just been drawing and It is so nice to have company."
While she talked she laid no claim to the numerous topics that slided into eachother effortlessly and the joy of living was shared thoughtlessly. It was truly a great honor to be at the side of such a wicked play of righteousness. She swept me up in her enthusiasm to celebrate the rigidness, the slime, the gruesome longing of what the moment held in its power.
She was a little girl who seemed the most innocent in her excitment. She had a range of topics that she could easily arrange in her bag of tricks.
When the evening showed its face I was happy to leave her. I felt that I could not possible take advantage of her time. But then she gracefully invited me to eat with her in a restaurant and I followed. It was not only her attitude that resembled a pure kid but her mind was a dungeon of open roads.
There was no fear that she was not scared of, no spark that triggered her to be ashamed.
The night was ours. Her restaurant was already fully booked and we went to my favourite restaurant to talk for hours and hours untill the closing times made us walk.
I never experienced such a diverse and intense day as I had with her.
And so, after long consideration I guided her to a very romantic spot overlooking the lake. The bay where we sat was seated in shadow with some faded light around us. It was almost as if some theater wrote a screenplay.
Her name is Star and she comes from America to teach this boy a lesson in humillity.
Sometimes I can be a slave to my own habits. For instance, the habit to make sure that Attraction is fought for. Star made me see that attraction had more depth and insights that I held possible. It was a simple act of teaching myself more social skills.
And then we kissed. It was triggered by my old habits and wounds. but she didn't mind. she had wondered if this was going to happen. She said that the kiss was a greeting and we confessed that it had no meaning but we liked it anyway so we kissed again.
Three days were about to follow. Three days where the dark mysteries and superficial light were closely intertwined.
On the first day she came to the beach where I lived in a cave. She met my friends and I saw how her tireless joy made us unite. Curious she asked, demanded and found redemption.
On the second day she met my True Love. The girl called Fountain who I had known for some years and who was closely intertwined with my destiny.
I saw how the Little girl and my True Love interacted and it was innocence and joy at its finest.
On the third day we woke up in an abandoned house and found that the love we were sharing was quite special actually.
When she went away that evening to carry out the rest of her life I was quite fulfilled. She had given me the rarity and the uniqueness of intertwined dreams that had eaten their course and had no complaints.
I later found out that she cried for me in the bus towards her next adventure. It had been for her a three day walk in a fairytale. She said that she had met the gatekeeper to a realm she had been looking for all her life but was not sure, now that she found it, if she was meant to open it and go through.
Months past and we kept in contact. She was in Berlin after her summer holiday and I was travelling through Albanie when finally I came to the South of France where I made the decision to go back home. It was clear to me that I wanted to experiment some more within the realms of interaction. Almost with a sigh of annoyance I surrendered to the loyal subject inside of me that wanted to be around people. And I understood one thing.
The path to enlightenment could not be affected by mere choice.
Ottherwise we would be very limited by the choices that we could make and we will be surrendered to a reality of suffering.
So it is amazing to know that whatever happens, we are on our journey. We are on the same journey always. The journey of self acceptance and understanding.
This journey consist of the simple act of redeeming ourselves for what we choose to be loyal to.
and the layers that we put upon the present moment slowly fall from our shoulders. They are like garments that drape themselves around us, waiting for the recognision to finally do nothing but exceed pleasure and thus, let go.
This is what happened in South of France. I could either follow the path to Star and let her guide me some more in the realms of love or I could hide in Sardinie and relish my own uniqueness.
It was one early morning in the south of france where a poet's feet guided him back to his home country. He made a detour first around Germany where he met Star and some of his friends but then, once again, he sat foot in the Netherlands.
There was something leading me back every time to Enschede. There was a story to discover. There, in the ruins of my childhood, I felt that there was a moment of bravery somewhere hidden in the blank space of conversations and revelations.
The skill to find value is a skill that many of us do not even dare to master.
This time, I introduced my parents to the Little Girl. And I accomplished a dream I had for years. She came to spend Christmas with my family and I could experience how I acted around the dream that I had long wished for. When I met her in Berlin she was emerged in her studies and the fairytale that we had made in Macedonia had stayed there. I visited her every day while I stayed with my dear storyteller friend and the time in Berlin was very enjoyable. She made me feel accepted and loved. I felt that our relationship was on the verge of changing but I didn't pay it any mind.
She gave me the abillity to see all the personality that I gathered over the years and through the interaction with her it could find some comfort to be joyful. I broke and mended all the dots that I instigated over the years. She was and is a symbol of my childish hope for redemption.
This is where it came down to: I relished the feeling of emotion and the melancholy of the past. Sometimes I choose to put myself in a situation of rigidness. I wait. Untill redemption finds me. It never does.
And that was why the little girl was discovered.
She guided me through my enormous stubborness to find that it is my responsibility to travel further if by any means I can not find comfort. I had to leave stagnation behind and forgive myself for being alone.
How she did this?
Well, by being Star ofcourse.
Christmas was spent with a laugh and a forgiving insight in the change of time. Star enjoyed her presence in Enschede and I felt very seen and welcomed in her casual embraces and comforting wisdom. She knew that the only thing that was really neccesary in life was hope. And she had a lot of hope to give. You could maybe wonder if she kept something for herself but it was truly remarkable to see how she had all this energy.
We spend one night watching a movie and she played the guitar for me when she sang.
We slept in the same bed and it was here where I humped for the last time against a girl while she was sleeping.
I felt so bad right after I did it and the whole night I was terrified for her reaction and I did not know what to do or say. When she awoke in the morning with her usual ray of hope and her smile that evaporated pain I decided not to say anything. But it ate at me and it took me some weeks to find the courage to come clean.
Star gave personal questions to my brothers about me and it was clear that my brothers and me had so much respect for each other but we had never learned how to be the emotional type that needed to share intimate details to feel comfortable. Star was a beautiful being of hope and laughter and joy and deep darkness that interacted with the family that took care of my past. It was as if a beautiful mermaid came to the surface to see for herself what the stories were all about. I absolutely loved the meaning behind Star because she made me aware of the preciousness that could be found if I were to be able to let go of my need to give attention to love. I would feel it as a duty to give extra attention to love because love had to know that I gave it empathy.
How she did this?
Well, by being Star ofcourse.
Christmas was spent with a laugh and a forgiving insight in the change of time. Star enjoyed her presence in Enschede and I felt very seen and welcomed in her casual embraces and comforting wisdom. She knew that the only thing that was really neccesary in life was hope. And she had a lot of hope to give. You could maybe wonder if she kept something for herself but it was truly remarkable to see how she had all this energy.
We spend one night watching a movie and she played the guitar for me when she sang.
We slept in the same bed and it was here where I humped for the last time against a girl while she was sleeping.
I felt so bad right after I did it and the whole night I was terrified for her reaction and I did not know what to do or say. When she awoke in the morning with her usual ray of hope and her smile that evaporated pain I decided not to say anything. But it ate at me and it took me some weeks to find the courage to come clean.
Star gave personal questions to my brothers about me and it was clear that my brothers and me had so much respect for each other but we had never learned how to be the emotional type that needed to share intimate details to feel comfortable. Star was a beautiful being of hope and laughter and joy and deep darkness that interacted with the family that took care of my past. It was as if a beautiful mermaid came to the surface to see for herself what the stories were all about. I absolutely loved the meaning behind Star because she made me aware of the preciousness that could be found if I were to be able to let go of my need to give attention to love. I would feel it as a duty to give extra attention to love because love had to know that I gave it empathy.
Star went away and my journey in Enschede was only just beginning.
It seemed that the little girl had given me her best wishes because it was not soon after her disappearance that I took part of a project that involved a vegan biological restaurant. And not just any random one. No, this one was part of me. When i was 15, i took an internship at the most famous biological shop in my hood but it didn't work out and i became a traveller as you all know. It was after Star left that my mom said that the shop had new owners. And they were trying to set up a restaurant in the large big greenhouse that was behind the shop and attached to it. It didn't take me long to feel that this had to be my next adventure. The owners suddenly were confronted with a traveller by the name of Cestmir who offered his storytelling services. It came in all shapes and sizes and I helped them create the restaurant with laughter and foolishness. They loved me, i loved them and I became part of their family. It was a woman from Israel who had studied macrobiotics in New York for 20 years and had created her own paradise in Bali through hard work and persistence. After 26 years and 7 restaurants she met a Dutch man, fell in love and ended up in Enschede. As the months passed, new people joined the team and I was mostly a dishwasher who smiled and observed the thoughts of everyone around him. Even though I could not dream of a better place to be involved in, i felt not really fully at peace and decided to travel again. And as soon as I started to shed my skin and absorbed the knowledge of my journey again, a girl came to me in the Lidl. Her name was Star. It was not her name that caught my attention but her simple attitude towards shyness and intelligence and how she balanced these two very politly and rather lovely. A few dates came into existence and I must say that she taught me to have patience with the concepts in my mind. I learned that I created quite a few moments because I was afraid what would happen if the moments created themselves. And i will be forever grateful that she taught me that lesson.
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