Indonesien Grandma- at home

She was so proud of herself , climbing all the steps and walking all the time on her vacation.
i spended a few days in her home like i usualy do,
This is my second home , or my first,
Here i feel comfortable and relaxing,

She never says no and you are free to just snooze day after day
But you will not do that, of course not, because it is much more fun to go with her to Cinemas
Laugh at the outside world ,and be in the mere presence of a beauty
Eating Indonesien food so great, it will fill your heart , with endless consumation.

Insbruck and zurich

Clinton bought me a ticket to Insbruck and i gladly took it,

In Insbruck i waited three days where in i failed to get a lift, and strolled around town, failed to make money

On the second day, i asked a man how far it is to Zurich by walking,
I found out that he wanted the exact same thing,

So we decided to do it together
I did not jump from Happines , i did not even wanted to walk with him,
But he opened up for me and said that he had the thought of killing his mother and stuff

So how was i supposed to not walk with him

But we got seperated the third day,
he had my Email, maybe he was going to sent me a text,

I hoped not,
And he didn't

In Zurich i came in the companship of the Aunt that i had never met , and had not a clue how she was , and how she looked

Well, she was big,
with no kid or friend, and dealing with her insecurities she was having a traveller as a guest

And it was great, We were like , talking, for hours and hours about our lifes
i found out that she had taken distance between her and her family,
For 12 years

Because her parents were really not supporting her,
But over time , i told her more and more stories about my adventures,
and when i noticed that she was just saying yes, in that manner that she received the story in her brain and not giving me the feeling that the story did something with her

I asked her why she did that,
My aunt in Zurich is very truthful, and so i asked

The minute i said this , tears were running down her cheeks and she was angry about me, because ,she said:
"You never give me a compliment, Sometimes i don't feel you when you are reading a book or whatever. It is like you do not like it here, "  I was so shocked , i did not know what to say and went outside to call my dad

he had magic, as always, in his words ,and i was back on earth,
Back in the house i asked her to sit and explained her the situation of how i saw it,
what i saw in her and that i did like it, very much

When i read a book or you feel that you cannot feel me , it is exactly the thing that i do when i feel relaxed and comfortable in a place,

We went out to Dinner and saw a Movie, we talked a lot and she learned me unconsciously something about life,
I really liked it there

But she needed, compliments everytime, and i was to clumsy to keep that up.
Maybe she wanted the same feeling as when she was younger and always in the Netherlands by my Grandma,

Because it is awesome there, and she felt awesome there, fleeing from the Swiss family that she has,
She had expected more from me she said,
 but i could not give her the feeling back how it was, 40 years ago,

I had a great time, and i know i am going to call her to say that,
But i puked in the night, because of all the stress
and that morning i went to home with my Indonesien Grandma,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,


Yes my Indonesien Grandma was there to, On vacation,
we even walked and talked together for a day, she was staying and visiting my aunt's mother
One day i went out with the Old lady's

And when i talked a lot about my male friends, The mother said to my Grandma
"You must be careful, Because otherwise he will be gay"

My Indonesien Grandma Did not responded and i felt like stone,
I did not know what to say, so i just did not listen

But my Indonesien Grandma, Had not forgotten and when i went to a girl to tell her how beautiful she was ,
And the Mother was a little taken aback,
Grandma said

" I need to be careful, otherwise he will be Hetero"
That's how cool my Grandma is

Padova- my friend clinton

So i got into Padova,
i was first planning to go away again that morning
but after i met a girl in the bus,
i went to the city center and the park there,
for the girl said it was good

When i got there,i heard great dancing music coming from the grass,
so i dropped my backpack

and danced my way to the music,
I found out that there were People from Sri lanka celebrating Labor's day

And i danced with them,
over time, they accepted me more, and i even got playing smiles from the woman sitting there
for they did not danced, only the man

Both gave me compliments about my dancing and could not believe that i had this just in me, i did not trained to dance like this,

because, they said
it was exactly like their dance
i was a master and several man wanted to dance with me,

Over time a smal American man crept up to the spectacle and asked me what i was doing
So i asked him if he wanted a poem

It became a poem about sex and i described the feeling so good that they did not believe that i never had sex,

I got an invitation from him to stay at his place,
And so became the adventure of finding a friend between the rubbles of the worlds

I stayed for three days in his house, which he rented
for he was from San diego

but was here for two months to work on his book about the two family's that helped him become the man he was today

And what a great man it was,
for we went to restaurants every day three times, bought me a jacket, and a trainticket to Insbruck

Maybe some of his generosity got to do with the fact that i saved his life

nobody knows

But we both believed in destiny and it was destiny that we have met

It went like this,
The first night i was in a bathrobe when somebody rang the bell,
Clinton answered and it was a drunk bastard he knew,
he thought he was cute but now he started to push himself in and i came in action when Clinton hit the door really hard.

I was first mesmerized, i could not do anything
because , even though i have a lot of strenght i hate to use it to put somebody down,

But it had to be done, so i embraced the drunken Basterd, lifted him up from the ground and dragged him back out.

He pulled my hair, really hard, grabbed the string of my camera bag, and tried to damage my glasses
But i withstood everything, because i have eight brothers.
It was scary, how easy it was to pull him.
It was harder for Clinton to push the door back,
but together we had done it and started shaking all across our body's

That encounter was the start of our friendship

Ljubljana and Venice

So it was that i looked upon Ljubljana, a city i did not know it existed

And it was very beautiful, as they said
i made two poems for two birtdayboys

The first invited me to the barbecue they were having and the second gave me wodka and other delicious drinks

there i stayed a little bit more and i was happy i did ,

for they were sitting on a bench in front of the closed library and soon there began to form a croud to celebrate the birthday

the birthday presents were collected and as soon as i saw the toblerone chocolate bar i asked if i could have a piece

The guy i was talking with said "sure"
so i ate the whole bar, with him encouraging me

there also came a gypsy band from the streets who the birthday boy hired to make music

 after a wild delicious day, i went away to walk to the hitchiking spot,

but i walked four kilometres to far ,
so i ended up with a guy telling me that i walked to far, and i decided to hitchike from there,

But we got engaged into a conversation first
and he was quite cool,

He even drove me back to the hitchiking spot

On the spot, there were so many hitchhikers i did not know what to do,
This, i never expirience before
but I held my sign up high and hoped for the best,

Unfortunatly i had to sleep there that night,
but in the Morning i saw a hitchhiker who went to Italy,
so i decided to go with him,

When we got to Italy, i went to Venice
and he went to the Mountains to go Snowboarding

But i got stuck 30 kilometres from Venice and the Police came when i sheltered for the rain nearby the road

I went under a roof after that,
and then an owner from a fruitshop gave me a orange and some water,
His kid asked me if i had any parents,

you must love children.

Then he gave me a bag full of bananas and oranges and his friend went to Venice that day

So i got to sleep in Venice that day,
I got there in the evening, and climbed a wall to get into a park
I slept there, But it rained the whole night, and the next day
My sleep was not interupted and it was warm but i felt that some of my sleeping bag was wet, and it was boring to sit and do nothing,

So when the rain stopped and the sun got a little bit warm,
I laid everything down in the sun to dry,
And got an umbrella from a homeless guy,


With new courage,
i began to explore Venice
Past bridges and small streets,I made good photographs, and it was a lott of fun and really cool that i saw Venice with my own eyes,

But nobody wanted any poems, so after three days, with no money in my pocket
i decided to go

there was a nice incident when i walked into a restaurant to ask for some water,
the owner said , with a great smile, that he saw me sleeping in the streets and gave me a Coca cola, a pizza slice, and a sandwich

i saw a bus with the name Padova and i went there

Vienne and Graz

So i went alone,

Hitchiking was once again difficult
but i got in Vienne and went to play crazy for three days

I stood for two hours because i was lazy, and made 60 euro's
Not knowing what i needed to do with so much money, i ate very good

Broke and with food in my backpack i was going to Graz
I got a ride from a man who was from northern Irak

He was quite interesting to talk to,
he was a man who with his 12 years went into the war with Osama bin laden
and it took him 4 years to be a human again,

now he had owned a tankstation, lived on a farm , and had a wife,

It is wonderful to be able to move through those different lives, that you meet
I am so ignorant, sometimes, that i believe every word people throw at me

and maybe that is why, people found it comforting to talk with me

Any how, He dropped me at the tankstation wich he owned for several years, and everybody seemed to laugh at me ,

so i decided to walk to Graz, it was only 30 Kilometres,
I went into the Forest, and i crossed farms, fields, hidden paths and i jumped over rivers.
Finally i asked a family if i could charge my Camera, for i wanted to make Photo´s,

I could, and they invited me to share some Bread that they made.
The man was interested in my story, and hooked me uip with a friend of his to stay at his place

his friend traveled through India and Asia and had a better Idea
for a friend of his was going to Graz that Evening,

A girl named Jeanin,
So that Evening i was in Graz and i could stay at Jeanin´s place,
so i stayed in a appartment with three girls, for a few days,

And Graz is the city who took my inspiration and brought it to a higher level
Because , every day i met beautiful people who could inspire me so much that i could not stop writing

The first person was Ali, A man from Pakistan,
i sat on the next Bench in the fountain area of Graz, and he was the one who talked to me,

Asking if i was a traveller,
And when he heard yes, he got intrigued

He wanted to travel as well and i was quite happy to talk to him,
He was a ball of good vibes, who got me relaxed.

The second was a Grasshopper in the forest,
He got me a Hot Chocolate, and a very inspiring free feeling

The third one was a young man who did not know exactly who he was,
We made fire together, and eat Beans with Cheese

But he was a man who was capable of great deeds

He let me into a park where he introduced me to his friends
One of the friends was a beautiful girl and i was enthranced by her apearance but i was afraid to speak to her

But she noticed me , because the next day, she sat beside me on the bench i was sitting on and said

`Are you the poet from Yesterday, i am quite curious about your live style`
And so we began to talk

She wanted to travel also so i asked her if she wanted to come along with me,
She was quite glad but also afraid of the new path opening up for her,
I was gone before she gave me an answer

I got a lott of attention from the girls who were sitting in the park, and finally i went a little bit crazy
running around the park and sitting like an eagle watching the water,

Some one must learn me how i can communicate with girls

A girl who was sitting in front of me, turned around and said
`you smell very good`

I was sweating from the warm sun and i had no shirt on
I did nothing of course , just smiled and said thanks

After a few more days, of sitting on benches and writing
the wind called me again and it was time to move on

To Ljubljana then, because people said that that was beautiful
In my head i was always thinking of my Grandma who was going to Zurich on vacation
and i was going to end my trip there

Slovakia

So it was that we headed South in search of the sun and we landed in the midst of 1 metre snow
All around us, the snow was limitless

But nothing could bring us down

So it was after a day that we got a ride from the border to the following town
We decided that it was to dark to go on,( and to cold)
so we bought Vodka in the Lidl and set up our tent next to it,

You must know , that i was in Barcelona when i heard that Jesse wanted to travel with me

The reason that he gave me, was that he felt jealous of me,
Traveling round and about,

So that's why he wanted for me to help him start his traveling
He wanted my expirience and talent of just go,

I hated him at that moment,
For i could not uderstand why i needed to go back to the Netherlands to pick him up,
and why he did not went by himself,

But most of it changed when my path led me to the Netherlands,
Then it was my friendly personality that gave in,

The  fact is that we shared several great adventures throughout the three years that we knew each other,

But never got further into knowing each other than the big hug we shared,

So it was that in minus 15, in slowakije, that he told me that he wanted to know all about my past,

Everyone who is going to ask that has to be careful,
because i am going to tell everything and jump from story to story and i travel by the tears that i shed

so That is what he got,
and the following morning he shed a tear just thinking of what i had told him

But that was just what he wanted, to learn who i was,

And then another adventure triggered us to follow it,
Hitchiking was a complete failure, so when a old man wanted to speak to us , we happily obliged and followed him to a tankstation,

The old man was so happy that he and Jesse often stopped to talk about, nothing really, I grew tired and went to walk in front of them

When we got to the Tankstation i saw one car,
and i talked to the owner,

A nice man, who was going in our direction

With a little bit ignorance about the complex situation around him, he said yes
and the ride with him was pleasant enough,

The old man had gave us strong little bottles with alcohol in it, to show his respect.

The nice man did not talk so much English, so he called his friend to talk to us,
we said him that we wanted to go to Bratislava, and the friend said we got dropped in front of their house and then we see from there,

When we arrived , they invited us in to spend the night, and to have a walk in a forest neirby

The walk was realy cool and both me and jesse finally let our child spirits loose and played in the snow,

In the evening there was a birthday party from some one who was pretty cool
so we were invited to party along,

How can you say no, to a room filled with beautiful girls,

Jesse and me were the highlight of the evening and we even performed together,

Jesse was really being a good friend, because he was paying no heed for the beautiful girls in hope that their attention will be me,
and it worked, quite well,

I gave lots of compliments and danced with the girls, i had no hope of kissing
but i did,

Well, sort of,

They had ice in their mouths and they wanted my mouth to meet theirs to move the ice,

It was, incredible
Of course,

I had a great dance with the Birthday boy with two other girls
and fantastic two boys were really inspiring

In the morning, we got a breakfast and they set us off at the road to Bratislava
We took a stop by the river, for i wanted to stop there
here it was where Jesse told me his story

The usual story,


Teasing, getting fast, being a bodybuilder, getting a different girl every week, finding the love of his life

Hitchiking did not go as planned, and when Jesse saw a Middle finger from one of the cars we went by train to Bratislava

Once there, he took a Hostel and we tried to make money but we felt that our time together had finished,

so after a while we went our separate ways, for he saw also what i saw,

that i needed to walk my path alone
to let my spirit have every room to choose the most inspiring future

and he needed some time alone to,
so he went to Croatie
and i went to Austria

Krakow

Me and Jesse were plesantly surpised about the nice car of my nephew, and about the beautiful girl within,

The ride was smooth and with much laughter,

Telling stories about my journey and making a poem for the girl

They dropped us of just outside Warshaw and we slept under a highwaybridge
The journey had began

Warshaw rained a lot so we decided to just keep on Hitchiking South untill the Sun came out

One of the rides was from a Police car, when we sheltered for the rain, next to the highway
they picked us up for it was to dangerous.

Jesse wanted to stop at Krakow before we left Poland so we did
and there magic had began

For i found out that i was a interesting person to take a Photo graph from,
I wanted some money and so we came in contact with a English man who traveled a few months to take Photographs of interesting persons,

He said , that you're whole body carries the information of you're life, all the scars and expirience,
I was glad that people could see that i had a interesting  journey

He was making a theater production about shoes,
I made a poem for him, and i saw a tear form in his eye

After this meeting we arrived at a pub where we wanted to drink some Wodka,

Here it was were we met some scottish people who gave us drinks because they liked us,
Jesse was communicating with everyone and i was smiling when i observed him.

He was also talking to a couple who looked quite interesting so i joined him,
This couple was talking about getting Married, but the young man was to afraid,
for the future, i guess


They were from Newcastle and partied like the Englismen should

I got triggered by their story and soon began to make a poem for them
Jesse was already talking of our story and what i did,
so by the time i got the poem ready, they knew what my troubles were and what i wanted to do in my life.

They thought it was brilliant that i just had the abbillity to write in such a busy, with drunk scottish, pub,
and create such a amazing poem,

For they found it superb

I even saw a tear in the girl's eye
The girl danced with me and gave me the most positive compliments ever, that i was the highlight of their entire vacation and that sort of stuff

Jesse found it so beautiful that i had the gift to make people cry
that i grew once again, further , into loving myself

The scottish were all the time, busy, getting drunk,
together with the barman we were happy to join in,

But i was getting sleepy after a time,
and wanted to go to the park to sleep

Unfornunatly a young man who was working in the pub wanted to give me a place to sleep at his place,

So i went , but Jesse stayed
Having a Hostel where he could sleep and wanted to Party more

There it was where he learned a good lesson

For the Scottish people invited him to a Strip club,

Now, he had a girlfriend, and he loved her very much
but one of his dreams was fucking a prostitute

So with permission from his girlfriend he went, thinking this was a great change

But the Scottish were not so nice,
They said to give the money to them and they would make sure a hooker would come,
But, in the end , he gave €150 without seeing a hooker

But when he shouted, he finally got a lapdance

Now the following part i think is understandable but i little bit rude,
for he shouted and got angry, at the hooker who gave him his lapdance
demanding more

After that day he wanted to sleep the whole day, very tired of the whole night
But we left the following morning for he had a finished feeling with Krakow,

It took another 3 cars and a Police car for us to Reach Slowakije

The guys that took us last, wanted to drop us of at the border, and they had to turn around afterwards.

Inner realisation

I,

Cestmir Bergsma is my name, but what defines me,

Over the years i struggle to hold on to myself , not knowing what there is to hold on to.
in my head there is a fantasy world who wants to take over,

In my head, the world seems as a magic place
In my head,

What is there to hold on to, what if you´re alone,

when nobody gets you, as who you are

then the conclusion is maybe, that you need to be someone else,
to be excepted, to have a mask on who can protect you against the world

Of course,
That makes things easier, you get the friends you always wanted
If you act like a normal kid, it makes life easier.

Afraid of what they would say if they found out you´re father left you when you were 6
Afraid for the real you, who is selfish or who takes no no for an answer

But what if,
the real you, can amaze people

what if, you are meant to free people from there lonelyness
I am not talking about myself, i am talking about everyone,

Because everyone has a story inside,
If you are to be true to yourself
than you, can, be someone´s pillar

Even with you not realising it
by you´re mere presence you can let people expirience your heart

you´re kind soul, the whisper behind the shouting

I had the wisdom, or the foolish song, in my head that i wanted to be myself throughout my whole life

No mask, this is me.
Take it, or leave it,

And i had no real friends before i chose to do Social Cultural Work ,
When i was 17, i first got in contact with the world of friends.

And at 20 i left this world, to pursue my own dream
Traveling, i left my old `sweet´home behind me to see what life is about,

what my life needs, to see the light

The light that i was
some one who could mean something to another.
not just some kid. Lost in the world,

We, people, all have the power to understand our selves
and the wisdom of our deeds carries the freedom of who we want to be.

I erased my self to become myself,

And that was the best move i could ever make,

All the lifes that i lived in the futures that will never be, is not getting close, to the magnificent future i am living now,

To say this, is releashing all the anger inside of you,
I have learned,
but what,

I have conquered,
but what,

myself?
or just the illusion of myself

Am i what i wanted to be,
can i love myself despite the ease which what i lean towards the opposite

Yes ,
we can

We can,

Traveling made me realise, that my dream is succeeding myself,
It is traveling forwards, to let the dreams of others analyze her.

Spirits combining true magic, because you are rewarded,

Because you are yourself
Because you follow the path you love the most,

No one can destroy the fairytale in side of us,
she was 14 years old when they locked her up in a mental hospital

desperate for freedom she ran away and for 6 months was on the run, nowhere to go

Believing in our own words is harder than drinking the water of your sorrows
we think, that protecting ourselves from our superb souls, the outside world cannot hurt us,

and we find, that we are not happy, and wanting to go back, to the child we were
we find that it is impossible

for we do not know how to make the art of meaning visible


who we are,
is a question we must answer,

because if we ignore the wonders we create, we silence the waves of our future who brings us happines and joy

On my travels i learned to understand my past, and theirby understanding the future a little bit better.

Back home

My father was waiting for me at the airport

That did something to my heart, to see him, after 9 months, I did not even phoned him when i was in Franch and Portugal,

When we where in the car, My mother called,
it was still a surprise that i was back
and when she heard it, she sang a song.

It was wonderfully great to see my family again,
I surprised my grandma also and my aunt

All my brothers had some sort of respect for me, and everyone had some sort of glazy stare in their eye for they could not believe that i was back,

I was traveling to bring respect to my parents eyes, and it worked.

After a month i was going to travel again, but now it was time to relax,
In Amsterdam i met a friend of mine who is a photographer, and he made pictures of me

I was hitchhiking most of the time, and it was pretty easy to get a lift in The Netherlands,

Joy came into my eye when i saw that Tony from Ireland was visiting my Dad with his whole family,
so i got a reunion with them,

The Tukkers from my hometown, were also really amazed by the things that i did,
And that was really cool,

they were so happy for me, and jealous and thinking that my stories needed to see the light.

I saw Birdman in the cinema's in Amsterdam for free, because i made a poem for the ticketsale guy,
and he was impressed so he gave me that ticket.

I saw some friends and i played Super Smash Bros Browl with my Brothers

I also went to PAUW, a band who is wonderfully wonderful,
together with my aunt Corine, I was pretty jeaulous of all the things that went great for the band while i was away,
I know a couple of guys, in The band and with fascination i read and listened that they went to tv shows and Festivals,
That night i had the change of losing myself on the music, and they thanked me for it,

A friend of mine called Jesse, Wanted to be my companion on my second Tour around Europe so together we went ,

My nephew is going to Estland by Car , and we were invited to come along to Warshaw.

Barcelona

It was wonderfully realxed in the train,

i was going to Barcelona, and it was my birthday,

So i made poems for everyone in my coupe,

and wrote a lot about my journey

when i finally got there, i went to the restaurant called Juicy jones, because i was going to stay with my friends,
friends from my family,
who knew me as a child,

and their 3 children played with me in Enschede

I could not recall any of this, but i knew that it was going to be minblowingly good, to see these guys,

and it was,
they became, part of my family

 they had a restaurant where i could eat every day for free,
My tram ticket was covered and it was a dancing world where i got sucked into

i was really exited and they were too.

One of the most glorious compliments some one ever gave to me was from the mother,

"Wauw, now i see that you really are a poet"

So many nice things she said that i am afraid of typing it , for it might lose their magic

One of her sons, Abraham,
became like a brother to me, like really,
we did everything together, and he even brought me to 'his forest'

when i left, he said "There would be always a piece of you in this Forest"

We danced, wrote, made songs about the sun,  loved every girl we passed by and learned each other the way we were,

Our true selves. we needed the other one, really, to let us open up our souls and enlighten the wounded parts of ourselves
His crazyness was from another soul,

So my time in Barcelona was really a going away present for me, this was how my journey said goodbye to me

I went to Karate with the boys, we danced together, i had a most wonderful talk with the father of the family.
and in the end the father, bought me a plain ticket to Holland,
for i was to homesick to travel further, i needed some time with my family.

Portugal

And a good wind did come,

Pierre brought me to the trainstation nearby, when in 10 minutes i would be in Bordeaux where my Friends would pick me up,

to my utter surprise he did not gave me Money for the ride, saying that i could go illegally because they would never check on sunday's,  in the end i could not blame him because it was my life, my responsibility to have Money for the ride or Hitchhike if i had none,

but he was not a man of words , doing, rather than talking about the chosen path,so i was a little taken a back, but i could not hitchhike because the time was not in my favour, and so i rested my hope in that one train, if i could not make it in that one my friends had gone without me,

When i stood beside the train i saw a ticket woman coming towards me, and when i stepped inside she followed me, with beating heart i walked to a seat and sat down,,

The reason i do not like to be in a train without a ticket is not that they can put me in jail or give me a ticket,  but because i like trains, and i do not want to put a negative position on my presence there,
and you always must do what you want, or do not do what you do not want,

So the train woman came and wanted to see my ticket, i did what seemed best to me, i said that i had lost it and i searched my entire belongings untill the train ride was over, the train woman gave me time to look and eventually , under a explanation that she needed to come back with her boss, went away and i never saw her again.

so i came in bordeaux and saw them where we met,  so the journey could begin, Morgana, a woman of portuguese background but lived her whole live in the Netherlands, Jan, a German guy who was as gentle and softhearted that i did not know how to talk to him,
and Yoeha, their child, who was still a baby but could speak German, Dutch and portuguese,

This was not the first road trip i took in their company, the first time was to Polen,
The trip was in one day suceeded , the whole of spain in one day
, i can not find good words for that journey, only that i enjoyed it, a lot,

in the evening we ate pizza on portuguese ground, and yoeha was screaming that he wanted to go back to Spain, the little house we slept in had a nice fireplace and in the morning we climbed a Mountain,

Jan had the great idea to check the times of the bus going to Lisboa before going out to dinner, and so we found out that we had no time to go out for diner, and we said goodbye by the bus, they were paying for my ride and also gave me Money for Lisboa,

In Lisboa i could sleep for a few days, by the father of Morgana named Jo,
and it was really cool to meet him,

He was a crazy man, a energy wave the same as me,
we drank and walked drunk into supermarkts, played with nothingness and combined music with true dancing, tears flowed from my soul and we found each other in the clear insight of life,

believing in wonders,

after a week i felt the need of moving so i decided to hitchhike to the south of Portugal
I saw Morgana and Jan also again visiting Jo.

It took me 4 four days to hitchike to Lagos,

I spent new years eve under a tree , stuck by hitchiking,that day 3 friends with 2 cars picked me up, and they were going to a beach to spend the new year there, and i felt stupid that i did not go with them,but then again , i would have never got a ride with an ambulance with my full body intact
when i woke up, the ambulance thought i was dead and insisted in taking me to a café in the next town,

When i was there i got a free thea, and 3 pieces of cake,

Also i met a guy who wanted to bring me to his place to rest,
I said yes, but before we got there, we went into all the cafés along the way to celebrate 2015,

He was very  nice , and the next day i went to Lagos
When i had spend the night there on the beach i went to Villa de Bispo,  the beach was amazing and the nature splendid,

after a good dive i met Manuel, a swiss surfer who invited me to his place after he discovered that i was a genius,
he took me to a restaurant and we talked like old friends,

we hugged and said goodbye the next morning, my heart said to go back to Lisbon because i had my adventure
but he dropped me off at an hippie beach. I could not say no,

And the funny thing is that the first person i shook hands with, was also the person were i had a incredible story with, Sascha was his name and he travelled with his two best friends and a Spanish girl in a van , I wrote a poem for some of the people i met, and when Sascha was hearing it it was magic for him, because the poem was presisly saying the same thing as he was discussing with his friend, about letting go and live in the now,

Sascha and i were talking all day about our lives and the universe, growing to be comfortable with each other, We gathered wood for a fire and he showed me a cave in the mountains, to sleep in. I immediatly said that i wanted to sleep there, and so I slept there but not alone for Sascha joined me,

it was a nice cave with a beautiful view,
but first the fire,
When it was growing, we talked and had stories , and sooner or later the other people came from there cold vans to join us,

After a little while Sascha said goodbye and i went with him,
in the cave, he said what he felt,

as soon as the other people came to the fire he had this feeling that he needed to be some one else to be accepted, and he did not felt right, so he left

I said that nothing is more beautiful than being yourself and do not be afraid that they will discard you, for if you open up and light up your heart the people will embrace you, and love you,

there is no need to be afraid, for every human being has the right to be crazy, themselves, human, not okay, not perfect, for every human being need the others to find the words of meaning to his life,

he crepped closer and said, if this was to close, for he never had a father, and as  lonely child, he never had refferences, so i said "yes, this to close, but i do not mind, for that sentence you told from within, your true self was speaking so for me even if we are head to head, i do not feel awkward because if you need it  you are welcome to it,

i am not the one to disencourage you,"

As i was saying this, i put our heads together and afterwards he told me that he had felt a great power in my eyes, i said " that are my eyes , challenging you to be yourself,  , he felt something in his heart but was confronted by his mind that said to not do it,
Always follow your heart,

So he kissed me,
and i answered, taking by surprise,

We laughed in each other arms, he asked me how i felt, i answered that i felt the happiest person in the world, not because i liked the kiss, it felt wrong in my whole body and i feared that he wanted to go further, but because i was there to accept his need for a inner outburst,

i said to him that it was a good expirience, nothing more, and he agreed, his heart was pounding in his body, and that is a good sign,

i left that morning without asking him, why he kissed me. If he found me attractive, which i doubt, if he saw in me a father figure where he wanted to be closer to, or just for the expirience.

So i kissed a man before i kissed a woman, me, the female chaser, it was good, well not the kiss,

Why i did it?
To be there for a person who needed this opening up, i do no know if we talked enough about the moment for him to have any effect on his further life, i doubt it, but he is a gentle soul, and i hope it,

Why i say this to you?
Because, this is a lesson,
about being free, do not be afraid, be there for the other person, even if it breaks your boundaries, and listen.

After wards i went back to Lisboa , i had enough adventure

On the road a woman who picked me up needed, some help with her water bottles, so i helped.
talking explained that she had a agriculture farm with her husband and two kids,

I asked if i could sleep at their place, and help when help was needed,
she accepted and i helped cutting wood, mixing cement, and making chutney.
It was great to meet them, and when i heard she was making Seitan, i could not resist asking if i could stay for dinner the next day,

Her husband was very charming and she was a very good cook, and gentle

When i left i got a kiss on my mouth from the oldest daughter who was 3,

my heart broke,
they all hugged me, and i was on the road again,
I was near Granola when i got picked up by a couple who went straight to Lisboa,

they dropped me off at a trainstation,
never telling them , i had no Money for the train, they left me there,

after awhile i walked away, and stopped, to look around,
some businessmen asked me if they could help me, when they heard that i was going to Benfica, they had pity for me and brought me in their car,,

i say to you, the nicest car ever that picked me up throughout my journey.
a crazy blond girl was driving, worked for  japanese computer company,  they had no time for a poem but i wrote them my email and stuff and would write a poem of a crazy blond girl with the nice car,

Jo was not there but his neighbour invited me in, giving me cookies and a half bottle of port for the night,  i slept behind garbage

i met a street jugglar, a living statue woman who gave me a flower and i met a dancer who said that i could dance any time with him because he felt really happy when he danced with me on the streets.

I wrote 3 poems for lonely people my feet took me to,

and i went to play in a kids playground
oo yeahh and once i saw a girl, sensually dancing on the street, and i joined her, she was smiling and together we made a beautiful love tale, we got a big croud and clapping in the end,


and i have learned that , sometimes, as i grow older and as i travel farther, there are some people who think that they have nothing to teach me anymore, so they leave me in peace.

But a person is forever learning and i am forever eager to learn and it was quite a problem for me to meet persons in their own habitat who thought i was Mature and thinking in the same way, and theirby seeing my problems as a problem.
A problem, not for them to have a hand in fixing


So deciding that i did not need people at this time,
i needed to have time on my own, once again

i began to walk from Lissabon to Barcelona,
Yes, my feet never got the change to bring me by themselves but that is because i cannot say no if someone wants to give me a ride

50 kilometers from Lissabon there were friends from my parents,
distant friends were i walked by,
and had a great time,

Then i walked again, and stole Oranges from the trees everywhere i walked,

in the beginning it was easy, then it became hard and then it was magnificent

In 6 days i walked 200 kilometres,
I would not put my thumb out to get a ride but if some people just stop to take me anyway,
who am i to say no

Money was something i did not wanted to use,
it was a shame that i bought myself icecream, bread and pinutbutter,

i never needed it
because on my second day,
a portugese guy took me and brought me home,

always speaking portugese, he was dropping me off at his house
and decided that i was very cool
he wanted to open up and to tell me his hard life,

with many hours passing and many gestures later we came to the conclusion that life sucked sometimes,
or as he putted it "c'est la vie" (That is life)

But he showed me quite the opposite, as he stuffed my backpack so much with food that i had enought food for 6 days,

With an entire fish in my belly, i walked again,
making a little 40 kilometres every day,

at one point, i even ran alongside the road for 1 kilometre, got picked up and got a tour of a beautiful city,

not wanting to spend days city seeing, i just went again, and walked,

a guy wanted to make a picture of me, after receiving a poem from me,
he was so happy that i almost felt bad that i did not walk all the way to Barcelona,

But my feet were so damn happy,

After the 200 kilometres, a woman stopped for me, and i said yes,
she was going to Madrid, and i was glad as hell

i did not want to cheat on my mission, of walking all the way, but Madrid was still pretty far off from Barcelona, so i said, what the heck

it was silent in the car, and when we spoke, we spoke about the radio and Cd's

that was great, but i did not got the feeling that we bonded,

but i was wrong, totally wrong,

for when we arrived, she did not possible wanted to consider letting me loose, on a crazy walking trip to Barcelona,

so she let me stay by her mother and paid,( yes, paid) my train ticket to Barcelona
singing Happy birthday to me when i woke up for guess what

it was my birthday


She is a woman who is always in my heart, from then and there,
my greatest dream came true, and i cried and laughed , at the same time, when i sat on the train,
and not very soft, but wild, like a crazy man

it was my fucking birthday and that is a very great fucking day,