my first few days

“ Dus je was als kind volwassen en als volwassene een kind”

A modern classic has sprouted from the heart of wandering love

I decided to travel in 2014. It was a decision that took force after I attended the school’s psychiatrist. She said: “You don’t have a problem. You just want to be free.”
So I called my internship and I told them: “Well… uum..I decided to quit and not come back.”

An outbreak of possibilities stumbled into my perception.
Schools and Internships could be a choice. It was blowing my mind. I was 20 and I had always wanted to break the rules of expectations. But It never occurred to me that I could. I followed the rules of life and I believed this was it.
With my ignorance of being a child I did not know that I could expand my rules.
I just went with every opportunity that was given to me. And stayed in the confines of my own mental prison. I was scared of confrontation.
Until that moment when I hung up the phone. Then my path was suddenly clear. All the obstructions that I gave myself vanished and I could see that I had a choice in life. A choice that could be so impossible that it could actually become reality.
I said: “I am quitting my studies.”
It was a mere dream to say that out loud. “I am going to travel the world without money.”
Just the utterance of these syllables made me flutter. I wondered how far the beauty that was already presented to me reached. A backpack and a sleeping bag found me and I felt that the shadows wanted to fall in love with the misty haze of good intention.
It were my parents who stood behind me. And a smile could be seen in the depths of a broken heart. Finally it sensed that the boy who carried it was brave enough to become a man.
And so he waved his history behind to consume the night and find history always there by his side.
A fairytale appeared. And I followed the dreams of which they spoke of.




 









15 May, 2014, day 1

The beginning of my journey
long nights wander in the dark. Strange confessions given to the tides. The road began with eagerness and determination.
My dad gave me a train ticket towards Hamburg. My dad gave me 400 euro's and four packets of condom's.
It felt excited to begin my own life. I had no idea what I was supposed to do but I sat in the train letting loose of my past to set foot in strangers land.  In the train I met an Englishman who gave me fudge in exchange for the poem I made him. He was going to his father's birthday, which was last week. I began to talk to him out of curiosity and just a small child’s eagerness to share it’s being. I could enjoy this life. I would talk to people, make a poem for them and they would tell me tales of mischief and secrets. What was there more to life? I enjoyed making him happy with my poem and I realized that I had nothing to be afraid of. As long as I can write I can make people smile and if I can make people smile they share their wealth with me.

I can remember that train ride well. Many conversations with myself kept me from making a poem for anyone else than the English guy. My excitement could not last long. My mind felt confusion about the road I chose. I had moved myself on a path where there was no one else but me. This confronted the little child inside who did not want to trust in himself. I was too afraid of moving forward. I had freed myself from the stress of time but life still moved forward. And stress was caused by the anguish of living.
My body held many depressions inside his skin and It made me not enjoy the moment. But at least I was on my way. I had defeated the mind game of society and now I had only bravery to accompany me and keep me alive through the streets of unknown cities.

When I was in Hamburg I had no idea what I was supposed to do. I had no home to go to and no way of knowing which direction I had to take to find a place to sleep. It occurred to me that traveling was also not knowing things. I walked a little bit and phoned my mother to see if she knew any beaches in Hamburg. When there came no perfect answer I decided to just go into a church and ask. When I asked around people directed me to a small counter where homeless people could go to, to ask homeless stuff.
So I went there and asked about a place to sleep. They handed me a map and I wrote the address down of a homeless shelter where I could spend the night.
I hoped they would let me stay there for free for I had only one rule on my travel and that was to spend no money on my nights. I began on my search and asked several people to help me. And so I found the shelter; luckily for me they did not ask for money and everything was fine. Here I was appointed a bed and was left alone. Soon a polish guy asked me to drink and eat with him. I drank whiskey with him and we shared some food.
There were six other homeless in the room with me and I decided that I did not like sharing my room. It was not comfortable to be in a room filled with noises of strange homeless men. I felt homesick and sad. This was the night that I began to understand that I lost everything and had thrown myself in a dark future where nothing was certain.

Tilt your head and do not be scared, my little one

We all cry sometimes

Tilt your head and do not be scared
For the streets are designed in layers

There isn't just one road for you to go my loved one

Make friend, play and do not be scared
For the silence is your alley
Your ignorance your gold

With every step we are more lost in the speaking of speeches
But do not be afraid

If we gather and move with tilted heads
Then we can rise and connect through breaking bread

Rise until the line of innocence is seen again
For you are not the only one who is kind, my little one

Wherever you are, wherever you go
Sleep dreams, my curious one
For in dreams the land reawakens
Strangers are stars and people may gather
To succumb to the first born child

Wherever you are, wherever you go
Sleep dreams my curious one
For in dreams the reality splits
Into thousands forks of destiny
All lying there, as pebbles in a stream

Go out, explore
Do what the other kids do
Explore, find your path
And come back
With knowledge about how it was

Then, my curious one
You can be followed and understand
You can be hugged and caressed
Your dreams will live on in the deeds you've done

Your seed has been planted
Your humanity regained
Your decisions found a way
To be perfect in every way

So sleep dreams my curious one
And when you wake

Do what other kids do,
Explore

A member of the staff showed me where I could hitchhike the next day to go to Denmark. I had decided to go as fast as possible to Denmark and only rest when I was with my friends in Odense. I could not wait to be in Denmark and meet my friends. When I look back to the boy I was back then I see someone who did not know how to tame the wind inside of him. At that time I was hectic and my emotional bond towards myself had no focus. But anyway. I explored life and that is what counts.

I got to the place the Staff member had showed me by illegally taking the tram. The hitchhiking spot was a bus stop. I wrote ‘Denmark’ on a piece of paper and used my thumb to signal cars.
After three hour I began to get bored. I didn’t want to wait any longer and decided to walk. 'If I stay close to the highway to Denmark then it is likely that I eventually end up somewhere nice to hitchhike from.’ I crossed deserted roads and passed fields of farmers. Walking was beautiful. I had never been fond of walking for fun. But this was something else. Now I walked with a goal to leave old sceneries behind. it made me forget that I was alone.
Every once in a while I checked if I was still walking in the same direction of the highway: I went to the bridges that spanned across the highway and saw the cars moving and then prolonged my way along them again. My first hitchhiking experience came a few hours later when I saw a slip road going to the highway. It was a very small place, not even big enough to let one car stop but my legs were sore and it was time to try hitchhiking again. I pulled my thumb out and waited. After 10 minutes a very small car stopped with a young man in it whose name was Tim. I opened his car door. “ Hello.”
“step in!”
I quickly got in. “ Where can I drop you?”
“I want to go to a big roundabout where I can hitchhike further” and he dropped me of at a big roundabout where I could hitchhike further. It had a Mac and a petrol station. I had no idea where I could stand to have the best chance to be taken by a car but I just did something. I hesitantly held the paper saying ‘Denmark’ in front of me and stood next to the stop signs for two hours. When I got a little bit hungry I stopped to eat something by the Mac and afterwards I assumed my role as Hitchhiker again. Slowly I watched as the light grew dim around me and I struggled to accept it but there was no one to pick me up that night. For a moment I thought of what to do. “I should find a place to sleep.”
This statement was met with a compromise. It was time to settle the affair of thinking.
I walked around with a resolute air of confidence hoping that it might trigger my mind to not think anymore. I walked to a farm field not knowing exactly what I was trying to do.
 I knocked on a door not knowing what I wanted to ask. But when the door opened words came to me.
“Can I sleep on your field for a night. I will be on my way again in the morning.”
The door that had opened itself soon closed again. But that didn’t matter. I just tried again.
I asked three different times If I could sleep in fields. With each time I understood more and more what I tried to do.  What I felt was quite interesting. This was an act of chivalry. Normally I would never dare to be bold and brave but it seemed that I placed myself in the mercy of a thoughtless mind. And it led me to weird escapades of experiences that I would otherwise never experiment with. I kind of liked it. To seek and find hospitality in a world wherein normally we put distance between us and possibilities.
Where we are used to dodge these conflict situations. I felt fear mingling with hope and adrenaline. Happiness came along as another door was closed before me. It was the first time that I asked for a place to sleep and placing myself in a vulnerable spot.
For that was really what it was all about. I wanted to give vulnerability the chance to widen its range. I felt privileged that I had a choice to give my impulses space to explore. it seemed almost like a revolution against life itself.
Where sudden surprises seemed often suppressed and weird actions that we could not describe were labeled into categories.
As I knocked on the door I felt liberation.
Judgment was still able to be formed as a reaction to my actions but they would form because I chose them to exist. I was done waiting around for others to comprehend what I was doing. I just wanted to do stuff without the fear of being told to stay quite.
Even if you could say that my questions were met with a closed door it was the act of chivalry that reminded me of one very important truth: That I did not care if I was rejected or accepted.
I just didn’t want to avoid conflict anymore; For I had done that for the better part of my past. I hoped to teach myself not to be scared anymore.
To be honest, I had begun this venture to rebel against life.
I did not agree on the paths that the capitalist mentality laid before us. I found that I was struggling to meet their requirements and this made me agitated and scared.
I lost confidence and trust in myself and it made me distant.
I knew that I wanted freedom, to be free of these feelings but I could not see what I should do that achieve that want. And then I got the opportunity to travel. A choice to create a world where nothing was measured or attainable because there were no examples. A chance to explore a blank future and to escape the expectations of the world. Wow. It was so easy. I just had to give up all the things I tried to be and start being the person that I felt was me. If I needed to dismiss family and friends and healthcare for it then I would do it all over again. It was expression that I sought. And I guess it was time to give life the impulses that he had bestowed upon me. Hopefully my fears and trust would agree.
After I was send onwards to the streets again a nice man in a car saw me walking along the road and stopped for me. 
“Can I help you?”
“I am looking for a place to sleep.”
“Ah, step in. I can take you to the hostel of my friend.”
I got in the car and he dropped me of at the hostel of his friend.
I went inside alone and asked if I could speak with the owner. It was already the man standing in front of me.
“ Hello, I am a traveler from Holland who has no money and I would like to pitch up my tent in your garden for the night.”
This was no problem.
As I was fumbling with my tent I recalled how spirited I felt. I just found a place to sleep! For free! How many more things were possible if I was granted to sleep in this backyard for the night without any strings or conflict.
When my tent was set, I laid down in my sleeping bag. Around me there was only silence and the comfort of being alone made me fall asleep. With my bones relieved that the walking and the waiting was over for today. I preferred this much better than last night.















All my nights i want to listen to the stories the stars tell me
about the many seas and the lands behind them
about the invitation that comes if the wind comes
coming from mountains where rivers begin

I would like to hide myself in the tall grass that grows when silence flows
into my hands and out, towards the passion that they create

jumping freely from bone to bone
to enlighten the parts of my body
which may have been forgotten

I hope to find a place where my intuition doesn’t have to think
where the irresistible force of my heart find its wonders
to communicate with my feelings and find them

sleeping in a backyard

In the morning I said goodbye and walked to the spot where I tried to Hitchhike. For half an hour without success I stood there waving at cars until I got hungry. So I went to the Mac again to get something to eat.
As I was walking closer to the parking lot I saw a man walking to his car; eyeing me suspiciously. I walked over to him as if I was pulled by some strange force. My hitchhiking sign was moving with hope towards his eyes and before he entered his car he looked at me and decided to ask me a question.
"Denmark? You want to go to Denmark?"
“Yes.”
“Then you are on the wrong highway. There are two highways going out of Hamburg and this one is going to the north west of Germany.”
Surprised and defeated I listened to the measure of meaning behind his words. There was no mistake. He just bluntly made it very clear that I had wasted my time.
“ But hey, I can take you to Hamburg again.”
Surprised I staggered a little bit.
“ Wauww, really!”
I could not believe the diversity of this meeting.
Hopelessness and hope sifted so fast through my arrangement of emotions that I was left with compliance and gratitude as the only remark towards his news. He probably just saved me from a lot of heartbreak.
My feelings got warmer as I entered the car and saw the baby in the backseat. Wondering if his wife would approve of letting a tall, long haired stranger in the same car as her baby.
“ Do you want a poem?”

This trip was to create connection between me and the people that wandered on my path.
I loved writing. Making poetry and improvise stories. It took some time but I soon developed a structure in which I could use these skills. I was going to ask for three words from the persons who wandered on my path and with these three words I would start writing a poem as a gift for them. This enabled me to be a part of the journey.
To not only observe and stay distant but teach myself how to interact. Simultaneously it happened to bring me a chance to open myself up. I was not really a community person, but I liked to be. There was no reason why I would not practice on my social skills while I enjoyed the luxury of not knowing which day it was.
The notion of freedom carried a lot of weight: Endless blank futures with no rules or boundaries. I knew that it was a good chance to explore my capabilities.
Possibility was that I could only stumble on surprises and I loved surprises. The confinement of creation was never appealing to me. Why should we stop creation from surprising us? Spontaneous surprises that had the best intent of making us smile should be addressed accordingly, or that was my point of view on the matter.
Poetry was a tool that I used to shy away from confrontation but it was the best in teaching me how to express. I wanted to find balance between me and the people I met. To act upon our differences and celebrate the interaction that we could have. I still felt discomfort to act and interact but I was scared. And wherever fear showed its face I wanted to understand where it came from.
The man with the baby had received my poem and he was very happy.
“It is no problem for me to take you a bit further towards Denmark! There is a big parking lot next to the highway where everybody stops before they go to Denmark.  I will take you there.”  He was happy with the poem. I could see how he loved helping me. I felt the joy that we gave each other and I hopelessly fell in love with the story of interaction. As promised he took me to a perfect spot to hitchhike further. I stepped out on a really big parking lot, you only could get to, if you used the highway. I asked him what I should do now to get a lift.
“Just ask”. He said.
I turned my back and saw two women coming over to me. Their car was parked where I was standing.
“Hello, could you give me a lift to Denmark,” I said.
“Yeah, sure no problem” they said.
 And that was it. I was entering a car again. A dog sat next to me this time. The drivers were sisters and they were going to visit their dad who lived just on the border of Denmark. They could drop me off at a big tank station where it was going to be easy to get a lift. The conversation in the car was very natural and easy going, like we were friends who just bumped into each other. We readily agreed to share joy and when we arrived at the station where they dropped me they wanted to take a photo. As they drove away I felt abandoned but also blessed. Such small and quick endeavors of friendship often left me stranded. On the station I waited longer than the sisters had expected but eventually someone came and took me to Denmark. I lost my hat while I waited because of the wind but I had no time to search for it anymore.
Hitchhiking made me feel my desires.
We as humans tend to feel pushed to walk further and further into the future as if there is a plan to be finished. And there I was, confronting this tendency by standing still. I always felt like I had to move forward, to go somewhere, to be someone. But if you are hitchhiking none of those things are things you can do because you have to wait for a car to pick you up. It is a complete other perception of time. I felt as if my desire to move forward had to learn to behave. Ha! Like a child getting remarks on his behavior. I was confronted with the fear of missing out on something. As if life laughed at me and said, “Ha! Look at Cestmir, standing there. He is wasting his time. We wanted him to celebrate and get drunk but look at him now. He is wasting his time. No one is going to pick him up.”
I allowed time to ravish, shred and thereby test my patience. I shouted back at life. “I am exactly where I need to be. So shut up Life. We don’t want your guidance or help. If I want to celebrate and get drunk than I can very well choose for it myself!”
Hitchhiking made me understand how many personalities were causing friction inside of me. I just needed to tame their wild sides and teach them to behave. maybe then I could use them instead of the other way around.
“In one hour we will be in Denmark.”
In one hour I was meeting my dream of crossing a border as a traveler and a poet who left his country to find stories of love and mischief.

When I was in Denmark I sat on nice grass to enjoy my freedom. I explored my backpack to see if I could write something in one of the books; my backpack was filled with books and clothes. Every book had a special reason to be coming along.  As I was rummaging through my backpack I felt sadness come over me. I felt hope fading from me.
A moment of clarity and reflection. And I felt a vision was thrown in my face. Emotions expanded themselves within me without my heresay and they wanted to say that this was my life now. I didn’t know how to react. It felt that they wanted to say more so I listened some more.
I tried to follow them into my veins and awareness was given to me.
It seemed that my emotions were not so happy. As I sat on the grass I began to realize something: This life was maybe nothing more than a never-ending cycle of events that throws visions in your face that affect your emotions.
And so it goes onwards. A bloody war with consciousness and emotions that come uninvited to stir up your faith and believe.
Old dreams and feelings have the habit of fighting against the regime to hold on to them. The vision had come to tell me that my dream of reaching Denmark was not only met with happiness but doubt seemed to penetrate the path that I had taken. Was I really content with leaving my past behind me? Those questions that spun from the ordeal of growing up. Time asks us to grow and die in the end but are we strong enough to maintain our sanity while we do what we are told.  Can we keep renewing ourselves as we prolong this experience joy ride. It dawned on me slowly that I could not look for the completion of dreams to make me happy. Crossing the border of Denmark unleashed my dream of crossing it. And therefore I felt sad. Because It felt like losing an intimate lover. But I guess this was life. it seemed that as we grow older and achieve our dreams and such it is only asked of us to think of something different to achieve. and no matter how hard I tried to deny this ever ongoing cycle of interaction I could not. This was what I found sitting on that grass in Denmark. Hopes and created wishes in order to forget about the responsibility of life. I had crossed a border as a traveler and a poet but this was not what could save me from my own self-pity. it was only a dream obtained but nothing more. As I was sitting on the grass I realized how deep the unwillingness to celebrate my own greatness had its roots. I could create as many dreams as possible, I could achieve every single one but how would I learn to behave. To sit on the grass and have no sadness come over me as I go through life. It dawned on me that I had a long road ahead. And this made me happy. There was always something more lurking behind the horizon.
After an update of my thoughts in one of my books I felt calm again and began to walk. Still enjoying the feeling of being in Denmark. When I reached the road leading up to the highway I walked a little bit next to it and put my thumb in the air. I got picked up by a guy who gave me tips on how I should hitchhike.
“Stretch your arm wide and far. If you are walking make sure I can see you and can stop for you. And most of all, have a sign saying where you want to go.”
It was at a roundabout several kilometers further where he dropped me off and I waited again. It was a woman who picked me up this time.
“Where are you going.”
“To Odense.”
“Ah, I think I can take you for a short while.”
But after a few minutes she noticed a sign saying that Odense and her own destination were not in the same direction. A roundabout came along and she had to decide quick. So she pulled to a stop on the side of the highway.
“I am sorry. I am not going in the direction of Odense. You have to go out here.”
This came to me as a surprise because I had not been briefed with this information.
“What do you mean?”
“You have to get out.”
She guided me outside her car and suddenly I found myself standing on the highway. She drove away while I stood still and tried to comprehend what just happened. It seemed that plans could be washed away in the wind. And because my father told me that I should not hitchhike on the highway I turned away from it and landed on a field surrounded by trees. I stood in nowhere.
“What to do?”
Sometimes life gives you these surprises where you end up somewhere completely different than expected. Thrown in the unknown with no idea how to go further. These are the times where you adapt. Confronted by the unwillingness to adapt. A big wave of feelings stole my heart.
“Let’s explore.”
Courage sits still inside and it guides you like a light.

Right in front of me, a couple hundred meters further there was a small stone wall. Still a little bit uneasy about the whole change of plans I took a rest against it and looked at the nothingness around me. It took me awhile but an epiphany came. My uneasiness had settled at this point.
“There is no on around me. No one to talk to, only the silence of things to listen to. As if I was discarded from the face of the earth. Therefore I lost the ability to be listened to. I could still speak but no one except me would hear me.
There were no people that could distract me with their emotions and their words that laid their lives at my feet. I was alone.”
 And it was while I leaned against this wall that I discovered this. That I was able to have a conversation with my mind in silence and quite. And so I did.
 Two hours went by as I sat against that wall. Contemplating life and all.
Why did I leave?
Why did I leave everyone?
What purpose did I have?
Was this a mistake?
Should I go back?
Did I want to prove myself and if so have I not done so already?
It was magical to be able to have a conversation with my mind knowing that no one or nothing was going to interfere. And I was seated in an amazing landscape as well! 
I had come to Denmark. I had hitchhiked into the unknown. I had walked and walked until new horizons filled me and houses appeared that I would never had seen otherwise. And who made it possible? That I could sit there, all alone and feel time as a lover that granted me this luxury of peace. Certainly not me alone. I had my emotions with me. These little bastards were a cunny lot. They led me to this beautiful array of disheveled personality traits.
Love for these fabricated creations brought me back to where I was and it gave me the courage and child spirit to understand one thing: If unwillingness arises and grip our hearts than it is a sign that we can learn how to understand the emotions that rise with it. We can even adapt to the unwillingness of our own experience. To discover the secret wish to express our emotions on occasions where we want to but we don’t really know if you accept them. May we have the time to explore behavior before you run away? A chance to explain? It just takes some practice to understand ourselves. My initial reaction of being dropped at the side of the road had been shock and it faded while I was extracting the urge to feel like this.

I stood up. I climbed over the wall and stood in a cemetery.
I had no idea if I was given permission to stand here so I went quietly to the exit and went out of the gate.
The scenery before me was a peaceful solitary garden with houses and a church that seemed to have no relation with the world outside.
When I saw a woman working in her garden I went to ask for directions. I asked her directions to Odense but it was too far away to go there that day.
She asked if I had somewhere to stay the night.
“No.” I said.
“You can set up here. Just use the old playground for my kids, no one is using that anymore.”
I thanked her from the bottom of my heart. I unpacked my tent and got ready. During the entanglement of my sleeping place the woman came once again outside. Now she had her oldest daughter with her.
 “Cestmir, I would like you to meet one of my daughters, maybe it is nice to get to know each other.”
 How could I say no to this gentle mother who wanted to let her daughter meet a weird crazy freedom boy who came from the highway out of nowhere. Maybe I should capture her and take her away with me. Trust and Adventure play a certain role in our lives. We can either embrace them and give them our hearts or be scared of them and turn away. The daughter was an artist and as she helped me with my tent we became sort of friends.
“When you are done with the tent, come inside and have something to eat.”
As if it wasn't enough to give me her daughter she invited me for dinner as well. My whole stomach was crying from happiness with the promise of cooked food.
As I followed my stomach inside I noticed that the entrance and the ceiling of the house was not made for people my height. I was almost two meters and the wife came to laugh at me as I entered.
“I hope you are not hitting your head. Come and meet my husband and younger daughter.” As I went onwards I noticed a small living room and it reminded me of something but I was not quite sure what it was.
“Hello Everyone, Thank you for letting me dine with you. That is really kind.”
I shook their hands and seated myself among them. Their names were given to me but  I could only look at the potatoes and broccoli with cheese sauce that was laid on the table. Luckily the honor of sitting at this table reminded me that I could have time to digest this wonderful food. So we talked and ate and I gave many compliments about the food. After dinner the two daughters wasted no time to give their worlds to me for inspection. Two sketchbooks filled with drawings and paintings were given to me.
“This is the drawing of a man who lost his wife in a house fire. And here you see a blind girl who can see the future. Oh, and this one is my favorite…..”
 I truly loved to see their souls, twirling in front of me. Their sketchbooks were filled with characters they came up with, full of background stories and fantasy worlds. After a whole evening of sharing stories I went to my bed. Happy and alive. It was almost unbelievable how kind the love was that I received. My mind became a haze of adventure ever since the mom offered me to rest myself in their old playground. It was as if the offer brought me the fulfillment of a dream. And how do you react when your dream is being full filled?

If there was any certainty then a cloud would never disperse into water drops to rattle the unexpected.
then the beauty of waves would always drape itself around the observer.
then the stillness of breath can find life within.

Certainty is a softness that will find his own caress.
Dust in the home of new windows.

for I would like to tell beauty how it survives.
to adore the true love inside is to never tell lies.
not even when feelings get weak and the dust is too much.
I will always see clarity.
even if the illusion of what we once were captured our dreams and freshness is forgotten
the choice makes us feel lonely sometimes
but we told our choice not to feel lonely
we breathed life to its decisions.
embracing issues as if they were answers.
as if time could not hold reality.
because the issue is just a weird answer.
if you solve the riddle than true love may come and makes your heart quiver

we will need the heartbeat
the silence of mind
to understand that we were never lost
we just embraced the illusion that we were scared
there is no choice or emptiness that can stop you from feeling
there is only the beauty of uncertainty
to discover that our fears are a gateway to play as a little child with them amongst the waves
let’s drape our bodies with freshness
let’s communicate with the smiles that knows how the wind flows
let’s forget about everything we have been told
and build our own future in the moment when we let go




The father had a toolshed. One of the items he created in this toolshed were knifes. He melted their blades and made them handles out of different trees. He loved to show me around and I  fascinated myself over the times he must have spent there. As I learned more and more about the tales of strangers I felt not only privileged to be listening to their tales but I gained some insight in the generosity of these worlds.
Out of nowhere I could find adventures where different values and ideas were established. Another day filled with something new. The amount of myriad knowledge ways scattered around these diverse adventurous paths of interest were humongous. And as an explorer of choices I often lost myself in the endless possibilities that could occur and who would never happen. A choice is always made in the end and then another stream of endless possibilities flow themselves in my brain and so go I forth. ‘A friend of wisdom’ is what a friend of mine called this affliction. Also known as a philosopher. But I just wanted to enjoy without giving names to the things I did.
When I ate breakfast, the light came through the windows and it illuminated the house and the faces of everyone in it. That is when I realized that I came to a house of Hobbits.
They lived far away, in between the lands of men and I was a guest to write about their hospitality and friendliness. A story was written and as I gave it to them on a piece of paper they smiled and hugged me like family. Adventures hides in plain sight. And as we glide in them we lose touch of fear and unhappiness. It is as if we entertain ourselves with the presence of splendor. And for how long can we enjoy it before we have to slip back into states of distress? Be someone again? Maybe, but maybe we might glide for as long as we choose…..

I expected that I would leave on foot that day but they had a surprise.
“We are going to take you to the train station.”
It was a simple offer and a welcoming surprise but it surprised me. Emotions began to rise. And sadness fell over me once again. Damn it! I could not go through a single day without the rising of strange feelings. The offer was met with a hostility in me: A reaction spun from old wounds of abandonment. Distress wanted to know why they would offer such a thing. Have they not done enough for this traveler? But It was I who did not do enough; A burden passed down from childhood. I always felt privileged to receive attention. Why should anyone give me attention? That was what a burden could do if it was locked in your heart for a while. It could spin stories. And with the passing of time you begin to believe them. You begin to identify with them. But I was not afraid to fight against the shame that held this burden in place.  
 I entered the car of the family with a burst of bravery and tried not to think about myself while they drove me to the train station. My mind thought of every single scenario that could happen if we arrived at the train station. It was my tendency to be in control of my own possibilities. I didn’t like scenario’s where people cared for my wellbeing. I found that I created many expectations if I stepped into these kind of happenings. Probably trying to protect the little child inside who got hurt to often.
When we had arrived the woman got out and gave me 200 crones. “Here, than you have money to go to Odense.”
I was relieved when felt gratitude. I wanted to thank her but I could not find the words. I was too busy trying to talk with my mind about the implications of what she did. I sure was a boy who had a lot of thoughts.
Grateful and at ease once again I stepped into the train and forgot that I was ever worried.
The hobbit family earned my unforgivable define love and I could only respect the time they had given me.