France

The first city i went to in France was Nantes, but that city had less and little for me to do so i went to Bordeaux after it; and it was a good choice for the view was splendid. Now; that is a city that is beautiful, With the river and two big bridges. and there was a special walk way that went alongside the river. Here was a skate park and lots of People who wanted to have a good time/ It led straight to the city center and a platform for children, where the river sent water to. The water was a refreshing system in the city/ Here the children could run around losing themselves, and grown men could chill out,

Bordeaux captured me for 4 days, but since i did not made any money on the streets i moved on to Paris, because i met a Magic player who said, that i need9ed to go to Paris to earn Money, So i went,
Now; I did not want to go to Paris , but o well, I could not ignore the wind,

But in Bordeaux the craziest thing happenend. The last lonely night i had in the city, failing to make any Money i felt kind of depressed.

My jacket i had left over my cup who i laid out for the people to trow money in, and when i removed my jacket, i found something in my cup; who was before emty, Two pieces of paper, and as i was unfolding them i saw that the first one was a receit from a shop, but the words were totally faded. The second one was a Hitchhikking sign i made when i was in Ireland, Slowly the words`Achill island`were visible.


And it struck me as the most wonderful thing ever happenend on my journey,
For Achill island is the most beautiful place i have seen in Ireland, And it was as if the universe was telling me that Money did not matter, it is just a illusion, All that mattered was Beauty,
I was Totally not depressed any more

And then came Paris

, in a weird kind of way It was a world were i was treated like a terrorist. That was Paris for me,
I stayed for one week and that was more than enough, it was a city built upon piss and Homeless,
Just like in London i got in contact with the homeless, a nice guy gave me a book of where i could get free food and he jumped on the metro without paying money, taking me with him.

The great thing you could do is to think that Paris is your playground and you can be and do what ever you want, but the danger is if you do this, then you forget that you are only a human, no god.

but we did not get caught
I met also other Street dancers and saw the Eifelltower/ But the Police sent me away because i could  not busk there.

But the first night in Paris was exactly the night that i wanted to have in Paris.
For when i was bringing my poetry to the streets, a magical story appeared

Two very beautiful girls stopped and stayed listening to my poems for half an hour, Out of the corner of my eye, i could see their smiles/Their names were Lucile and Dominique, When i explained why i did what i did, the smiles became brighter. They said yes to a Personal Poem and left me standing afterwards, In 10 Minutes they returned and gave me presents. A Beer, a rose and a personal message saying  `The rose will not last forever but this memory will'

After this Momentum a Irish guy appeared between the mist of Paris, He was from Galway and he loved that i knew that town,

He was a painter and he had stories to tell and indian restaurants for me to go to.
Also there was a woman who i gave a personal poem and she felt very priviliged and was glad that she had found me.

When i bought candy, it was stolen from me in the night,

and that was the last of Paris, But i had to walk 30 Kilometres to be able to  Hitchhike again. A nice library woman let me use the computer finally, against the law, for me to look where i needed to go, By this time, two weeks had past since my mother had a message from me, and when i contacted them again they though i was dead or worse, caught in a plot of Drugs dealers. Luckily i met a man who took me from Paris all the way to a tankstation near Lyon. He let me use the laptop in his car, and that made me possible to relax my mother, my aunt in Perpignan and i could call one of my brothers, The man bought me two filet o fish by the Mac donalds, a milkshake and two icecreams, He made insects out of Metal, and he was really a brilliant mind. A mad man,

The nights became colder so i needed to find a warm place inside somewhere, and there it was in the form of my French aunt,
In Torreilles i rested two weeks: from Paris, the cold and mostly because of my lazy arrogant ass.

My aunt was working on a camping but her Boyfriend was an old Sailer and stayed home, to talk with his cat, he went fishing and went cruising with his new jeep, but i hid myself behind Dragonball Z, My mind was too much and my ego could not fit this into the picture: The meals every night, ready for me to fit into my mouth to fuel my ego, even made it bigger, This was good but i needed something different. Not that i had a good time fishing, and sitting on a terrace sipping Chocola chaude. And the two French Nephews could not speak English so i had only my hands to communicate, My aunt said that i was running away when the oppurtunity came to go to Portugal at the 21th, and she was right. Running away from familly to make my own story, But she did not want me to go to Marocco and i respected that, I hope we could, in the future have a time of talking to each other, from a different situation, she is intelligent.

So after two weeks, i got my act together, and went to Montpellier. Because of a girl, and not just a girl, the girl i met in Paris, who was studying  in Montpellier, and i Still need to thank her for bringing me to this Town full of Students.

For this was what i needed, Destiny came Smacking me in the face, telling me to wake up at once and luckily i saw what she was saying, because a 64 year old Photographer came into view, Who saw me as a living statue who did crazy suff, like crawling like a wolf, over the streets of Montpellier, and he thought to himself. This is the guy that i need. For it was after two weeks that he had his first
Opening in Montpellier of his Streetart Photograhy and i was Destined to become the Poet who performed there,

this is what the people of Montpellier gave me for my crazy stuff

From that day, our energy and crazy Ideas became in a spiritual way connected, And i found Myself in a Street art story, He made Amazing stuff and some might say that he was so consumed with his own idea and the breakthrough in his life, that he talked only about himself, and maybe it was so, but he , found out that this was the city where he must grow old, . So i found it incredible that i, a poet, would have the chance to take this story with me to inspire me further as i am getting more knowledge, He lett me stay with him and that was a privilege, He did not know me but then he invited me into the hearth of his vulnerability, The nights we spend , were filled with inspiring stories and letting our history behind us once again, He wanted to teach me everything he could think off, never realising that i was a poet with a mindset of already knowing how the world works, But i forgave him for he was a man of knowledge and he had a hand in attracting young lady`s everywhere he went.

So i was in a world where i met a Girl every day where i could flirt with and learn to be cool, as he said it.
I actually asked a girl out for a drink and she said yes, the first time i asked that to a girl,
But unfortunatly i left the girl hanging,
This  man learned me so much , about himself and with it, life itself, but i think that Destiny used him to give me an even more wonderful gift, A woman called Sarah. It began in a religous background, where i and my friend could have a free meal if we attended a Monolog about God and his Jezus. As usual He invited me to his Lady friends, and one of them was Sarah , She came from London and she volunteered at the cafe where we had the Meal,
When our eyes met, our energy`s attracted each other like nothing i had expirienced since a long while,
We sat next to each other talking constantly like we were already Close friends.

This was what France had in eye for me,

Sarah was beautiful, no French girls for me, this was magic, But every time we wanted to talk we had people who wanted to talk to us, crying people and all the rest, My body and energy was following her every move, hoping for the next time to talk, seeing how she laughed at me and how she was reacting to what we discussed made me Bloom.

After that meeting i was positive that The Opening from the Lady`s man had to be the final explosion of spirits collashing/ And it did not, I was Kind of lost in my own head that day, Having bought Lords of the rings as a christmas present for myself, And i did not felt right, untill Sarah and i stood in the Rain together, Finnally alone, we had the time and the space; to get to know each other. But my friend said after a while that i needed to get my stuff out of the bookshop where the Opening was because they wanted to close.

But she invited me to a jazz club where she arrived too late to hear the jazz and then she invited me to tag along on the christmas market the next morning. That night i slept by Jeffrey, a friend of Sarah who i met the same evening, also from london, he was so fond of me that he let me stay with him,  And irony will have it that we slept in the same bed,  so , the Poet who was flabbergasted by the women in his life spend his first shared night with a man, On the christmas market we engaged into a talk that would lead on for 5 hours, and would take us through rain, cafe`s, and many amazing stories.

After a few days i went to Villandraut where Pierre was expecting me with great pleasure, Being the ex of my french aunt he was many a years connected with my family and was so a part of it, or eitherway i felt like he was. He had three sons with my aunt and the Oldest was on the weekends with him and it was great to be able to see and spend time with them again,

And at the 21th i am going to get picked up by Dutch friends to go to Portugal,
I am feeling a good wind coming

Ireland

Out of Edinburgh I came across Glasgow where i was engaged in a drunken atmosphere. In a pub, the boss of the glasgow's underworld saw in me, a boy were he could mess about with. offering me paradise( A hotel to sleep in and wine) but ran away at midnight. I drank my sorrows in a karaoke of Nirvana( wich has been filmed with my camera) . the guy who was now feeling responsible for me took me to his place, with not much of a smile. Back at his place,it was me, who could cry, for all he did( All night) was arguing with his wife and almost hit her. But luckily there was the boy( 13 years old) who jumped in between them.

It was horrible, but i slept soundly.
I had seen enough of Glasgow and went straight to Ireland.

The first night in Ireland some stranger I met on the streets paid for my night on the camping were he was also staying and gave me a irish cider, In Belfast i stayed in the mountains for a day and i earned some money. but i did not feel, as if i was in Ireland, my heart needed the beauty so i traveled to Sligo, And there i noticed some of the beauty, the beautiful lakes and the eye catching rivers, Sligo was were i asked a Busker if i could sleep at his place and he said yes, so after a day in pubs i slept on a couch of an Polish guy who was quite interesting and joked about killing me. The following day i went swimming in Strandhill, were the waves were guite bigger than me, It gave me a momentum of power and dignity at the same time.Went i went out i noticed the signs who said 'no swimming'
Haha, i just did

After Strandhill, I went to Achill Island. And if you do not know the name. You should remember it for the next time you go to Ireland, because it is fucking brilliant,

I walked from Achill to Newport in 3 hours,  because( i am not mad) there is a walk way, especially for walkers and Bicycles, but if i am honest,it's not that nice.

But Newport is all different ,
I would say , the Nicest Village in West ireland, ( I am not quite the man to say that but...) it is true. the river that is running through it screams it out.

From here on out i went to visit the friends my father made when he was in Ireland 12 years ago.
I was hoping that they were still alive.

They were and i enjoyed my time gardening and messing about in some of the forgotten hills of Ireland.
Hearing what my Father did here was quit awesome ( Finding a dead fox and preparing it for dinner.. and that sort of things).

But soon i  left Billy and Hilary( friends of my father and went to Tony and Tanya, ( other Friends of Father, and also more my type of people.The first night, the two daughters went dancing across the kitchen like fairies and Tony went Laughing and made Jokes, as if he was a Sugar Bear( he quite looked the part). The Daughter of 20 was very beautiful and i wished that i knew more about ladies to charm here  but the next day she was gone and i didn't see her again.'


I painted this also.

The little fire-bolt of 6 went jumping up and down, showing me around and calling me a twat and stuff,I kinda liked her, And there was a Lot of showing around to do, with a small lake in his backyard, three caravans,( one with a studio built in, and a own build house,

I stayed in a caravan for a few days
Tony had a hole in his burning stove and together we removed and replaced the burning stove for another burning stove.( I kinda like the word burning stove)
I did some other work to, but that is not of such great value to write down here.

I went away for the weekend to Busk at Galway
Tony dropped me off and went back and collect me at Tuesday, so i had 3 days to make money,
And i did everything i could, I liked Galway, nice market, nice view, nice centre, many buskers, but i had a little negative interverence with the people there.

Saturday i bumped into two faces , i met before in Edinburgh.
the two twin brothers from Gorkum, Netherlands. also travellers who were also very surprised to see me.
To Celebrate our reunion we went on a pub stroll. It did not went as smooth. The First Pub had Bouncers who shouted at me very angrily that i should not Dance so Wild, (  Almost impossible if you have a band playing blues and the Doors but..) After a series of songs the band were playing upstairs for real dancing and stuff, but again the bouncers said that we were not dressed for the party (....................) so that killed the mood, we didn't went into another Pub.
But the night was not over, no, no , no it had more plans in mind.

After a while we saw a girl cry, and three young men calling her names and making a mess . And my Dutch friends had too interfere,
The three young men did not liked that so much, so they started to Argue, I could not believe that this happened. That my Dutch friends were so stupid as to upset these three young men. even worse, they looked as if they wanted a fight, for they said. If you not leave that girl alone i can knock your head in.

I sang a song for comfort inside myself and maybe for them, but it got worse and worse. A Passing bodybuilder even got involved for he sure as hell wanted to knock a few Dutch men to the floor.

And yes, the first blow was out. I stopped singing and was not quite sure if i needed to help my friends or run away, and therefore got stuck in the middle.
I fell over a bike when they came after me.
As soon as i was on the ground they ran after my friends.
The waiters and Manly costumers of a pub who saw what happened helped me look for my friends
Luckily , when i found them, none of us was bleeding or had something broken.
We went right to sleep, we had enough of the night.

The other things that happened in Galway was that i met a girl, my age, that played the Hang , a instrument i only saw for the second time. ( first time was in Wales) It was great to dance on that so, that's what i did and we spend two hours playing on the market together.

Sometime, i think that i am smarter than somebody but then i do foolish things that even a baby should have known.

On Wednesday Tony gave me a lift to Baltimore in County Cork. For that was where i needed to go, for another Friend of my Mother, But first he brought me to a Friend of him who needed, a helping hand in his garden. On the journey, he showed me a big waterfall with a pond were i jumped in( I could not help myself)
And in the mountains, he gave me home made ice cream on a cone from a little shop, I bought two more.

The Friend knew my Dad as well,
he had Geese, and a huge Garden and a self made home, I felt very at home at his place, A great guy who always tells what he thinks.  Here i had the permission of experimenting with everything i could find in his Garden. So finally i had the change of learning how to cook.

My first Thing was a curry, with Coliflower, Carrot, Courget, Aubergine, Onions, Ginger, Peppers , chili and tomato. All of his garden. Served with brocolli and rice.  He was very impressed at my cooking skill.

I learned so many things already, sorry for the point that this blog does not contain so much lessons and stuff what you expected of a poet but i was quite busy sitting not behind a computer
but i think this is the right time, ( after all, the friend is having quite trouble not seeing a chance to humiliate me in his soft good manner)

So, ....... I Think i must begin with the freedom i feel or my look upon my own life now but, i quite want to start with the question, ' how do you make a girl fall in love with you? or even a one night stand? I have one friend who just ask three questions. 1, Hello, do you find me attractive. 2, Do you have a boyfriend. 3, Well, you give me two yes answers so what are we waiting for?  I think this is wonderful composed. but i just take the sleeping alone for so long, rhythm. And finally i think i have it, I just compose a book with pictures of every beautiful maiden i come across and then with a poem for each and that's it , that's my gift for Womanity,

But sorry , i got carried away, where was i, .. O yes, My freedom , well, its big and huge, i have not to wonder about annoying rules and that sort. But in the Meantime very short limited, well it would for people with no fantasy in their minds, it is limitless, as far as you don't want to rely everything on coincidence and the warmth of the sun, See , i spent every night without paying money to survive the night. I only sometimes pay with my poems and my skill to be hospital as best as i can to sleep on a couch or a bed by people i meet on the street. And what a freedom it gives me, to know that i don't have to make the money to lay my ass down. And i can tell, to this point i have not spend a pennie for my nights. I can't say that of my traveling, that is a little more difficult, But only small distances, the long distances were great with only hitchhiking, people are willing to help you,everywhere you go.  but i am blabbering, i have not even been to 6 countries yet with hitchhiking.

How i look at life now is quite easy, with great Ease and quality. I do everything i want, eat everything i like at that moment i want it, go there were i want to go at that moment, like a big baby, bubbling in his magical world where his toys never run out. so i go where the wind takes me, writing stories and poems of my inspiration source inside my brain, that filters all the beauty of mankind and gives me the possibility to give them what they had forgotten back.

I was going to Torsten after a few days lifting stones of the grounds and dropping them somewhere else, Torsten was a friend of my Mother for a change, He was the Manager of The Topp of the Hill Hostel in Baltimore. So that meant that i could sleep for free in the only hostel that i would sleep in, But he had also a massive land in the mountains( 10 hectare) where we went where he had big plants of building a sandy beach and an earth house ( Man, My parents had some cool friends) He had two big army tents where he could life in, with every day a fire to cook in, and i was staying in a Yurt,

We went up and down between the land and the Hostel and it happend that he would like to leave the hostel and work on his own projects, That was , giving exiting outdoor tours for tourists, climbing mountains, cajacking, biking, and all that,

Now there appeared a amazing idea from our minds,
for I could help him with my abbility to make everything look good with my words,
For he was German, and he learned English in Ireland where he was for 8 years already but was never familiar with writing English, so he needed some one to do the tracking tours across the mountains and describing in beautiful words what he or she saw, which theirby could lure the tourists in.

So i was the one, and we made the deal that he would pay me for every tracking tour that i had done and i would have the abillity to explore the mountains of Ireland some more,

So i hang tight on this one and see how it goes,
I was planning on going to Canada but the winter is coming and it is cold up there, freezing cold, so i will wait untill the warm wind will blow me towards Canada. My second journey is towards France where i should learn to speak French and make love to the French girls,  ( Haha, yeah right)

I climbed two mountains for Torsten, the first one was Easy, but the second one was a little bit harder,
it nearly killed me, even. For he wanted bad to explore the mountains around a beautiful Valley. and i was the volunteer who did it, it took me 10 hours, luckily, i had thought of a light to bring with me. because it was dark when i was going down. And here was my mistake. Torsten called me that i had to be quik because i had only 1 and a half hours daylight, and in the stress that i felt i was going down way sooner than that he adviced me, coming to a very steep slope where i could have died on 3 ocassions, but i was lucky , very lucky, and it had something to do with my laziness and my innocence, and my great power of course, i spent an hour smashing briars, my size, with my backpack. The only memory of the slope are the many, many, cuts of the brairs. and the loss of my phone







 The yurt where i slept in

Some of The land of Torsten

The meal that i prepared

On top of A mountain

Edinburgh

After two weeks of watching movies and traveling to Leeds and Huttersfield it was finally time for the festival Velvet Badger Near Manchester, ( This was why i was in Manchester so long). And it was worth the wait. The music was amazing, and the people were very friendly. But the festival was organized by some friends of the friends were i stayed, so everyone knew each other, so at first, i felt left outside. but as the festival grew i was gotten the chance of speaking to several people, and i did. and i didn't regret it. Because the people were interesting and kindly.

The first day, it rained, so we didn't do much, but the second day it was a clear blue sky so i danced and went enjoying myself. And that wasn't hard. One of the friends of Fe, was also a crazy dancer and some people i met had just finished a travel around Europe themselves.

After the Festival i got a ride by some lovely people who set me off at an higway towards the north.
The first ride i got was from a guy with his girlfriend who met each other at Tinder, He had a wife back in Canada with a daughter,  and every Sunday they would skype each other.

We got along really quick and they were really fun,
Joking about throwing the girlfriend out of the car, and saying that he was a filphy old man giving me breast as a word for the poem, he laughed really hard with me.
When i asked, how they met, he made up a story about, seeing her on the side of the highway pasted out, then he stopped and took her to the hospital and the next day she was standing outside his house.

He dropped me off at Newcastle, where he gave me 80 pounds and a footlong veggie subway. the next day i hitchiked to Edinburgh. A Birthday man wanted to give me a ride.He was 66 that day, but he fled from his wife and children to go to his nephew in Edinburgh.  Once there he gave me, 2 pound 50 to buy a coffee for good luck.

I spended it on wine.
I walked to the mountain in Edinburg( called Artur's seath) which is actually a mountain in the center.
Which is awesome,

Where i spended the night. but not knowing the weather in Scotland i did not set up my tent and went to sleep in my sleeping bag.

That was a grave mistake, for in the morning my sleeping bag got completely soaked, and my books got a little bit of water damage.

When the rain stopped at 6 o clock i waited for 7 hours at the park for the sun to dry my sleeping bag.
But i went for Tea in a nice Tea place called Clarinda's. Where i stayed for 3 hours or something to get warm again. After that i was off to the library


There i got registered and watched how things where back at home on Facebook

From here on out, a whirlwind, no, a avalanche of stories jumped over each other and crawled back and forth trying to meet me on a sunny day.

First i had a Mission, finding J.K.Rowling and make her a poem, My search brought me to the Elephant cafe where i did not found her so i made a poem for the crew instead and they loved it. Then i went to found her old house where she used to live. i never found her house, i was distracted by the night and needed some place to sleep.

A loving family let me sleep in a little house in their back yard where i could listen to music coming out of a cd player.
Here it was where i watched The Dutch football team got knock't out,
In the Morning, with a full Tummy because People are good. i went and Searched for Crammond island because the woman said " I heard that J.K.Rowling lived there in the neighbourhood"

Once there, i found a Gypsy family who were afraid of me, thinking i was a child molester, but with some difficulty i explained that the reason why i kept a eye on their children and finally spoke to them, was because i wanted to make a Fairy tale for them,
this was unexcepted , and i could begin to make a fairy tale for them,
The children were loving it and began to ask if i was Jezus,

The following day, i made it to the cross way, because yes, you could walk to Crammond Island.
I had to wait for the tide to calm down, so i made a poem for two people , and i was glad i had done this,because the girl, named Emma thanked me in the form of saying that she could give me the key of her apartment and i could stay there for as long as i wanted, and the oldman called Ian thanked me in the form of saying that he could drive me Anywhere,

I did not took this seriously but it was what it was,
They even came back to me , saying that they had a feeling they were not going to see me if we didn't exange phone numbers, so we did.

On Crammond Island , i found it boring, but people came to my rescue, for they were playing the Banjo, sang House of the Rising sun , and played Ninja on the beach.
And if i  made a poem for them i could do all this with them,
when the time had come to say goodbye we stood by a bus stop, and the funny thing was that after i had slept in a park 2 minutes away from the bus stop i had found what i was looking for,
for the bus stop was in the same street as J,K,Rowling's house.

After two days of waiting for a change to get invited over the cops came to ask me gently to leave and never come back. They searched my entire belongings and myself, i asked if i could take a picture of me being searched but they said No, and they said no to my Poem, but i was free at last, and happy , because, even if i did not made a Poem for J.K.Rowling i could imagine the conversation her security and she would be having. " Anything different happened when i was in Hawaii"
A Man came sitting outside for two days hoping that he could make you a poem"
"Hahaha i am too rich and wealthy to worry about a poem"


That was going over in my head for ages,
After i was back in the city i made three poems for friends sitting in the park and i made 50 pounds,
pretty happy about myself i sat down at a bench what i always do when i get happy about myself.

This time, a traveller went and sat next to me, his plan was going to The highlands and i was going with him. So, we conquered the highlands for a while, hitch hiking and having fun, we went all the way to Ullapool and a little further, and when we got back down we swam in Loch ness, naked, and seperated our ways. for i was getting sick and he wanted to go to Sky island, A Dutch friend of mine named Jesse was in Manchester and i was determined to visit him, In one day, i hitch hiked all the way from Loch ness to Manchester, with the help of A Son and a Mother who were so kind to give me a ride from Glasgow to Manchester. The following day i walked for three hours, in my sick condition to the house where Jesse was staying, my only reward after going throught  Hell of sickness and nearly passing out on the streets( wich delivered me Bread , Cheese and water from generous people) was seeing him in Manchester, i passed out on the bed and slept and puked and shit my pants all night. The following night i could not stay in the house and Jesse was gone. so i tried to Hitchhike to London what failed miserably,

Fortunately i had made one new friend were i could stay in Manchester, and sleep Peacefully after seeing Donnie Darko, Then i forgot about London and hitchhiked back to Edinburgh, where i made Friends with some Church mise living in a Church named Duncan and Gabriel, well, the Church was more of an old Building .
Duncan was traveling for 6 years already and they both were American, Gabriel's Dad worked in the Church and he and the mother lived there. We became good friends, and  spended almost every day with each other, i could sleep there and eat there,
every day was Busking( Street performing) making Friends in the Meadows and having a good time

So one, day we where growing tired of this game, and Ran away from the friends who were surrounding us, we ran upon the Royal Mile where we crossed the path of the Americans who i met the other day. they were done with busking for the day and because we really liked them we invited them over in the house of Luke, one of the friends we were running away from,
He had given me the key to his house,

So when Luke finnally appeared in his house he saw a crazy Dutch man and a bunch of Americans in his house smoking spliths.

After this escape of the routine, we came into another routine,
Being the groupies of the Americans when they were playing somewhere and dance crazy, and sitting at the Forest Cafe instead of the Medows. It was an improvement.

Sometimes I made an clash with the Americans, and that was in the form of an story upon their music,( a video was taken)/
 Duncan and i had sometimes a laugh about the bandmembers , because they would make such much money that they were no poor homelles people any more, they could sleep in bungelows, and each night they would decide to take the taxi to home,

and home was the garage of the church, where I and everybody stayed

Duncan became a brother for me, and the other Americans had each such a different personality, that it was such a amazement for me, to be able to see so many Travellers and learn so much.

In the meantime, I saw Emma again. ans slept in her appartment two times , made myself baked potatoes and baked Beans
But after these two days i went to the Punks Picknick with Riley, Summer, Ilaih, Lisa, Hugo, Tamzan, Gabriel, Ash, Zack, Amy and our tents. This was on Crammond Island but after this weekend Emma was in the hospital, spitting out blood. So her Sister needed the Appartment and i went out to sleep at the garage of the church, Emma was for 4 days in the hospital and found a few answers, she got Arthritis in her spine and 4 prolapsed discs in her back. She walked for 3 years already with walking sticks and she had a gluten allergic, so many things, but such a strong and powerful women with a heart as huge as you could not imagine. the last thing she did for me was buying a bunch of food for my travels , washing my clothes and giving me 20 pounds.

I and the Americans had a huge party in the garage, and the following day we went to the Forest led by an Ireland guy who was into buddism. He led us into a forest were once a women had a dream and in that dream she saw a druids chair, a hazelnut tree and a face in stone. There was also a map which she followed when she woke up and she found this place, and the Ireland guy was leading us towards it. but in a most mysterious an odd way wich i cannot describe, but it was lots of fun, midnight stroll through the forest.

after this everyone was slowly getting away into the wide world, Duncan and Gabriel went to Franch on a mega bus and i was going to Ireland Monday,

Wales

After i had left Sean, i did go to a Hitchhiking spot internet gave me, to go out of London.

I stood here for four hours untill i was picked up by an amazing guy named Dylan who was from Wales, he said:
"if you want nature and adventure, then you must come with me to Wales." and so i did.
we had a lot of fun, making a video of Dylan telling, how he picked me up and i said who i was.

and it was quit funny when i looked it back. because i am quit a doof. so we where setting it up on facebook and the likes went rising and rising now, maybe, one week has past and it has 185 likes and 155 shares.

that was amazing,
when i came to Wales , and he dropped me off i went to the local pub where a live music band was playing. and i felt like i could take on the world. so i danced like crazy. On benches and around and around i went. There were also friends from Dylan who saw the movie so they were having a laugh  and when i finally went for a sit to rest out. a lady of my age hugged me and said: i want to be like you. After the hug i dragged here in a open place where i said: where are you waiting for. but i can not dance with girls, so she left within 10 minutes.

I slept in some bushes and then in the morning i went and sit in the town square. and like always, when you wanted to be on your own, a jehova witness comes to you and talks about God. but because i am a strange person , i went and tried to string in my story. and he was interested in me. and so we ended up with him writhing down where i must go in Wales.

So i went there,
The bus was not going to that place but there are many roads to Rome, so i climbed a Mountain and walked across the coast line.
It took me Four days and i met a Man here, walking, for 2 years( with pauzes) following the entire coast line of North Wales. I made him a poem  and we had a talk about the sentence: Happiness is only real if shared by others:( Into the wild) and he did not think it was true because he liked to be on his own for some weeks. ( i could not do that)

After a few more hours i was at the beach where the witness said i needed to go. My mission was complete. I was in search of stories and it was just laying there, for me to pick up.

The first encounter was, a group of friends of my fathers age who hired a vacation home on the beach, and they saw that i needed some care, so they said: "come and join us for a while, have a shower, eat sandwiches, bring some cake, and let your feet rest".

and i did the only thing i could do to repay them, i made them a poem, and i shared my story with them.

My second encounter was a group of friends of my age who were having a good time on the beach. I made them a poem and they liked it so much that they envited me to stay in their vacation home for the night which i did.

But the third and last encounter was the most beatiful.
I love meeting people my age who i could talk to, inspire, and i did just that.
The barkeeper, Morgan of 22 had finished college and worked in the pub because he lived on the beach.
and then i come in and say to him:
"Hello i am a spoken word artist and a traveller from Holland and i am here because a jehova witness said it was the place to be, i crossed mountains and walked for ages to come here, now please give me your best drink."

That sentence was the beginning of a friendship made, we played chess, i figured out that he liked to travel as well but was afraid, he gave me a free wine, he thought that i was so relaxed, we had both brother issuess and i inspired him, and that is the greatest gift of what that beach gave me.

The taxi that arrived to bring my new friends home to their vacation home had only eight places and with me, we counted nine, but we didn't say anything and the taxi driver never noticed.

in the cottage, it was a great time, we talked and laughed and did it again and again.

In the morning, we cleaned everything up, ( i washed dishes). and then i went to Manchester in a really packed car. with Mark and Fea. two lovely people. We stopped by a gorge on the way and i swam in the freezing cold water and they peddled in a boat.

Then they envited me to stay, and i could shower and wash my clothes and update my knowledge of what is going on in the world of games of thrones(  i have read all the books but it's fun to watch it)

London

Here i am again,

In the outskirts of London right now, at a friend's place. a friend, from my mother.
but he came and entered my heart as well.

So i went to England, there was a little problem with my creditcard but finally i could pay with cash
With the boat, who cost 2000 kronen, like 300 euro.

All my cash money was now gone but i have still something on my bank, for my school in Almelo( who isn't my school anymore) gave me 400 euro because i was still in school when the last month started.

So actually i have to thank them for taking me to England.


18 hours, the boat was sailing for 18 hours, so i had all the time to sleep long, refresh and starve.

But starving was not part of the plan, because some Irish people i have met on the boat gave me 20 pounds so i could eat something. (Good people are there where you need them to be)

I expected that in the end of the trip, i would be famous on the ship , but that didn't work out,  because i did not write poems. just kept to myself...

it was beautiful, sea everywhere, like endless streams of calmness.
but here it was where it  bothered me to be on my own. I could see in my mind, my brothers running up and down on the ship.
so i could not, find the peace in my head and heart to enjoy my journey so much.
( i think thats why i slept for so long in my cabin)

After the boat ride, i went hitchhiking again , the lady who stopped said i was standing on the wrong side of the road, it's confusing. especially the round abouts. but i came closer to London, some Jamican man brought me further down but not as far and it was very hard to get a ride, so after i spent 4 hours of waiting, i decided that i took the bus.  But before i went to London i had decided to find a sleeping place first, and that i found , in a park where a sort of grove was, a large area of bushes and tall grass that went all the way down and back up again.

After the sleep and the bus i got in London.
 first i wanted to go to covent garden to dance on the street and make some money.
I did not make money but i did met my ticket to a place to sleep.  I  met some Italian guys who said that i was quit unique and they liked me, so they gave me a sleeping place, in the bed of the roommate(who was out) of one of the guys.

The next day i went walking and walking, i rested in every park i met along the way for an hour.
London has great parks and i figured out that between 1 and 2 all men and women gather into these parks and eat their lunch. it is wonderful.
I did buy a book for my journal and i kept on walking until i was in a park surrounded by two pubs. The men at one of the pubs gave me a vodka and i made him a poem, he said that i could sleep in the park and so i did.

when i woke up i had an encounter with a professional liar, because i met a homeless guy who made my heart cry with his story so i gave him 20 pounds, and something to eat, he was gone after that.

After that i met another homeless guy, but this one was the best homeless guy ever. He had no home  because he gave it all up to bring the word of God to people this way. He didn't had money because that is the beginning of all evil. I did not know how long he did this already, if he had family or whatever, because everything was God now, and the time of God is limitless. so every answer i got was an explanation why i did not get an answer, he was in the shadows, his name was Will freed. (that i could know).

and he showed me where i could find free food and such. he knew all good places. We slept in a park, had a wonderful conversation, and met a couple of guys who were living in the streets.

some one, was very good at chess so i wanted to play with him but i had no chance, he controlled the board in ways where he decided where i move to. But one time i nearly defeated him( if only i had sacrificed my queen). I lived in a days life of the African preacher man, we were hanging out for one day together. but he was not Always talking about god,  only when i was asking him about it, he had  two small back packs.
One with a sleeping bag and one with a dictionary, a bible, toothpaste and brush, an umbrella, a map and some clothes.

All what is given to him, by God or by humans.

After a day i met up with Andy, another really good friend of my family, who was concerned about me.
And i went with him to Sean, a former boyfriend of my mother( 30 years ago). Andy and Sean where English and we Skype'd with my mother back home and went shopping and eating by a very good Indian who gave us credit and gave me a can of coke for the poem i written for him.

I slept om the balcony, for you must know that Sean is a massive collector of comics, books and films, his small apartment was full of crated and boxes.

but Andy was gone by the morning so i could sleep on the couch. and i did , for 6 nights.

Me and Sean went pretty well together.
At Sunday his mother, he and i saw a live orchestra performing in the park, After that we saw Tintin.
At Monday i had a poetry slam in London. That was great and i got it on film. in the evening we saw Robin hood.
At Tuesday we saw Marvels assembly( the first time i saw that one)
At Wednesday we saw another Robin hood( from 1937) and we found out that we both liked chess and scrabble, so we played that as well
That was the first time i ever won at scrabble.
At Thursday we saw Edge of tommorow with Tom Cruise in the cinema
And on Friday he stayed up all night because he had a leak in his ceiling. and i moved out because than he could sleep on the couch and make room in the kitchen by moving stuff on his bed.

I hope it is now fixed

My journey out of copenhagen

The first poetry reading in Copenhagen was that evening.
“Hee Cestmir, over here.”
It was Michael.
He saw me as soon as I entered the café.
“Nice to see you again, it seems not so busy but I am wondering about your poetry.”
The café seemed deserted and I wondered why I left Sweden to come to Copenhagen.
but I liked to perform so I tried my best to give my attention to Michael.
He offered me a drink and we chatted about what we did these past days.
I had written some new things I wanted to share and I always felt born as new after I had a performance. So I was looking forward to it. I saw some poets performing and they all inspired me by their different way of reciting their words. Some did it on a slow pace and others played with their hands. Poets themselves are always talking as if they have the wisdom of all the world and simplifying it in a sentence that makes fun of that wisdom. As I was listening to their poetry I started to write my own poem. And then it was my turn.
I took the stage and introduced myself. “ I have written this poem just now and I want to share it with you.”
It was the first sample of stumble your feet, my spoken word poem about loving yourself: inspired by the little girl in Christiania and the experiences I had in Sweden weaved together. I felt good about myself while I stood there. It was the first time that I really felt confident that I had a message that I wanted to share with the public. As I was finished and I sat back on the table with my friend I got some poets coming to me and congratulating me. Michael said it was not so good and when I saw the video he took I could see what he meant. I had still much to learn about being patient. After the poetry café, we walked on the streets and I told him of my days in Sweden.
“Wow, you have experienced a lot in a few days. We must celebrate!”
before I could refuse his offer, he told me that we needed to go to a bar to drink. He knew of some polish bar not far from where we were and so we went.
I rarely went to bars or cafes so I was a little apprehensive but Michael made me smile with his friendship.
There was a girl standing behind the counter and after some account of my feelings, I offered her a poem. Maybe Sweden gave me some courage. She blushed and gave me three words. I was infatuated with everything that had happened these past days and I loved to write this poem. My hand had no trouble to write down the thoughts that came and Michael could not believe the easiness with which I focused and completed it. Michael was affected by this beauty and he loved the poem I made for her. When I recited the poem for her, she blushed again and thanked me very much for the gift. As we walked out into the streets again we talked a lot about love and attraction.
“ Cestmir, you have to know that that girl really fancied you.”
“ Really?”
“Yes, how should we teach you to not be shy? It seems that you do not have any idea how to approach a woman.”
That was true. I hid behind my poetry. I had no idea what I should do in order to close the gap between me and the opposite sex. I still tried an attempt to understand my own stretch of wilderness, let alone the unknown world of women.
When we walked to Christiania we talked a lot about this subject.
“You do not have to be shy. You are talented and handsome. Look at yourself with pride and the girls will fall”
“Pride…. There are too many angles of mystery attached to life for me to be worried about pride.”
“Mystery! Yes, there is a lot of mystery Cestmir but that is what there is and we just have to deal with it.”
During the night we shifted from subject and religion got our attention.
“What is religion to you Cestmir, why did you feel an urge to get baptized in Sweden?”
“I want to know how you can be a part of something so deeply.”
“But we are already a part of something, we are all one, bonded by a huge energy source that connects us through our minds.”
The night with Michael was really opening my awareness. This was the first time on my travels that I spoke about life with somebody who I met on the streets. I loved the feeling to speak and care for the connection that I had with him.
I had thought of the same thing: That there was a huge source somewhere that connected us through strings of consciousness.
“Maybe that is God.”
“Yes! God is not some man in the clouds. God is around us. Seen in all the things that our eyes see.”
I loved that idea. Maybe you could pray to God by simply giving your surroundings the attention of love.


The following days were messy. I shifted constantly as my mood did not know what to do.
There were some prospects of attraction but doubts weaved in-between and soon enough my head was tired from all this trying. Expectations were given to my heart and I did not succeed in full filling them. And then I met Tess.

Again I was blessed to walk in her presence. As soon as I saw her I was filled with smiles and butterflies of life. We went to the festival Distortion. Feelings of family came over me. I really liked to walk with her and share stories. Feelings change so fast sometimes. It almost did not matter what you felt an hour ago. Tess was a wonderful companion and a good source of inspiration. She just broke up with her boyfriend. They had been together for nine years. It was a tough spot she was in but she had so much strength. Her manner of peace that walked with her was giving me chills. As if she had a calmness that gave birth to the beauty that I saw. I could see that she missed her Siblings. It made me feel blessed that I could miss them too.
Her laugh was the most beautiful thing I ever witnessed. As if the world stopped and her smile made me think about all the times I did not express my love to my family. Her serious gentle attitude held a power that could destroy pain. She came to Copenhagen to be a hairdresser and now looked for a job. But what she really wanted was to sing Jazz. At eight in the evening we picked up Mads (her dad) at the train station.
“Hey Cestmir.”
He gave me a handshake as if we had known each other for our whole lives. I felt that carried himself with much respect. Back in the days, he had been a very good friend of my dad and he related to me as such: A son of her former good friend. Together we walked around the festival. It was different with Mads there but still, as a storyteller, I really liked to walk around a festival in Copenhagen with two old characters of my youth. The festival was huge. It was a festival who moved through the city every day. Wheelchairs were in the air, red smoke hanging as a cloud before us. We turned a corner and foam filled the street. People were enjoying themselves and we passed through them as if we had a mission. It seemed we walked for hours in the crowd. I had no idea where Mads was taking us. But finally we stopped in front of an Indian. Mads was saying that it was the best Indian in Denmark and we were going to eat there. He paid for us and as we found a place and ate our meals, I found myself getting quite because I really enjoyed the taste. Mads lived in Copenhagen with Samantha before they moved to Barcelona and he showed us a beer bar in the neighborhood. He was going to begin a beer Bar in Barcelona as well. I do not drink beer but of course I was excited for him. Mads saw my dad as his best friend. For him it was weird to see me as Cestmir because I was just like my dad. I was always my dad's son for him and he had to protect me and be my teacher. I didn’t mind this statement. I went travelling to meet the past of my parents. It confused me a bit to see that he had no interest in getting to know me but luckily I still had Tess next to me who could make me feel seen. But it drained my energy to be around Mads. All that walking that he wanted to do was getting to me. A good days walk between the crowds without stopping to see something from the festival. It made me wonder what he liked to do. In the evening we went to a café in Christiania and I said goodbye shortly after. I was in need of sleep and I still had to find a place where I could lay down.







Wheelchair in the air:




When I woke up I was excited. Yesterday I had made an appointment with Tess to see her on the festival again. I was going to meet her at a Reggae tent inside Distortion. When I found the tent there was no Tess but I enjoyed my time the best I could and saw a lovely love story unravel itself inside the crowd. I loved observing people and so it was a wonderful sight to see the small details of the crowd outside the reggae tent. A boy and a girl were kissing and playing with the music that made their bodies move. The girl went away soon afterwards and the boy followed. It was like a run and dance game wherein two children were trying to hide from each other, only to find each other again. I thought about Tess and missed her a little bit. Someone tapped upon my shoulder.
“Your glasses look really cool.”
She was a beautiful girl with long dark hair and brilliant green eyes, high cheekbones and a little full upon the hips. She was with a man who had amazing blue eyes, short blond hair and a rough beard. He was as tall as me.
“Thank you. I love your eyes. Can I make you a poem?”
When I spoke to them the girl was all girly and the man was all about standing proudly, as if he was proud having met her that day. I could see how dreamy he got when he looked at her and wanted to be her boyfriend but she would go to Israel the next day. But I saw in her eyes that she wanted to be his girlfriend. They offered me a drink and I accepted. Afterwards I gave them the poem about their eyes and a balloon who was the symbol of lost dreams. The girl amazed herself about my poem.
“Wow, it is so amazing that you gave the balloon such an important role.”
When the guy and me were alone he asked me advice about what he should do with this girl. “Love, is the most precious thing.” I said.
I did not see Tess.









The couple with the symbolic balloon:








I went to the third poetry reading; I forgot the second. There was no audience and just two poets. It was no success but Michael was there. He had forgotten the second poetry reading as well. It was nice but I would have preferred to stay in Sweden than to attend these Poetry readings. I was still experimenting what kind of traveler I wanted to be and how to move with ease along my new path. I never lived outside of my family house and then suddenly I was trying to move through the entire world. I had a lot of basic things to learn about taking care of myself. He surprised me when he invited me over to his house.
When I entered I sat down on  chair and started to remove my shoes.
I was confronted by the first hard lesson that people gave me along the way of my travels.
“Whattt!??? You foolish boy. Take off your shoes in the bathroom. Your feet really stink!!”
He was angry and I was hurt by his confrontation but I needed to be taught a lesson or two.
“The stench that comes off your feet is enough to gas me out. What are you waiting for?! Wash them in the bathroom!”
 I washed my feet in the tub, decided that I should buy ten pair of socks and he played his flute for me. We had dinner together and I could sleep in the garden of the flat.


When I woke up I knew that my time in Copenhagen was over. I wanted out. It was time to travel again and leave the city to entertain the unknown of the road with my presence. I spent my last money on falafel and went into the metro. After 20 minutes I got off and went to the nearest beach before I hitchhiked. It was easy to find and I was soon in the water. I loved to wash the dirt from the city. It was really cold but it was refreshing. It was a sign of a fresh beginning, a new start. I felt free of Copenhagen and a new land of experience laid itself before me. It was hard to leave things behind but when I eventually made up my mind, the liberation of unchaining the past was a comfort where I absolutely could not get enough from.  The sea took the liberty of confronting me with the endless motions of movements. For a couple of weeks now I experienced life as new. Not as a preordered package that your mom and dad gave you but a whole new world wherein the possibilities were not only endless but also never taught in school. Every step that I took was a complete discovery and I had the freedom to choose the life I wanted. I had felt trapped when I was in the Netherlands because I thought that you needed money in order to release you from the stress of living, but then when you got money you needed to spend it and earn some more. It seemed a never-ending cycle of stress for me and so I felt trapped. I also wondered where you could find the time in the midst of this rat race of survival, to heal yourself from all that stress gathered. So I could not be happier and more grateful for the opportunity that opened the road for me. It was finally a dive in the stream of life without its regulations and I could not wait, to be swept away by its current, again and again. It was not so different than changing schools or getting a new job. The only difference was that I just became a student of nothing and the responsibility to survive was given to no one but myself. I loved every part of it.

 After my swim it was time to find a place to sleep. I looked around and saw not so many people. There were some barbeque families and some bodybuilders who played with their children so I decided to walk to the bodybuilders.
“Hello, excuse me.”
They looked fierce and longer than me as they stood around me.
“What do you want.”
Uum.. I had a question, I was looking for a place to sleep and wanted to ask if any of you had a free couch.”
They looked at me as if I was mad.
“No, go away.”
Sadly , I turned around but felt a finger poking my right shoulder when I wanted to walk away. In my ear I heard a soft whisper. I turned my back a little and found one bodybuilder who softly said.
“Uum, you can sleep at my place, I don’t have a couch but I have a shed.”
The secrecy of the conversation reminded me that It was not a great idea to jump from joy. He gave me his address and said that I was welcome at five. So at five I walked towards his place. When I was on the road I got lost and a mother and a daughter in a car stopped and asked if they could help me. They dropped me off at his house. Kim was the name of the bodybuilder, and I loved his clumsiness when he talked English. I saw a little girl going into the house and Kim showed me his shed. I loved him so much. Not only the willingness wherein he expressed his happiness but everything about him. It inspired me how easily and how fast he invited this traveler to be a part of his privacy. Only a little part but a part it was. Kim was a man of pleasant behavior and willing to express gratitude in the soft tone of his voice. He made me feel that he was grateful to meet me and I did not expect it. I could easily lay down in the shed and I was most thankful. He did as if it was nothing and made me bread. I was feeling really warm inside for meeting this man and I was blessed that I was able to see again the kindness that lived so easily in everyone’s capabilities.


I had slept amazing. Maybe one of the best nights so far.
I awoke with new power and happy feelings.
When he woke up I thanked him once again but he said:
“I am happy that I could help you, I would want the same for my daughter when she travels. If she was not home I would give you a bed but..”
This made my heart melt, there was so much love present that I drifted away in the vision of his daughter who could be traveling in a far distant country one day, receiving the same wonderful treatment I had been given because Kim gave it to me in the first place. Karma was a wonderful and grateful concept. He confronted me with the simplicity of grandeur. Life could be so easy. We could just be aware that we give gratitude to every moment we go through and then we walk life as it is supposed to be. Why should we ever think too much about the right responds that we could give life? The sheer magnificence of Kim’s gesture towards me shattered me.
His humbleness and his care for his daughter embraced me in a tender and gentle way. He was putting his reputation on the line to host me for one night. I would remember the kind smile of this man in the future and act with elegance if any situation in the future asks for any care.
I felt real good when I left them and went to the highway to hitchhike. I met and learned lessons that invited me to celebrate love more. Along this road of discovery there were many options to enjoy the life you put yourself through. Every situation that greets our arrival carries the angle of love within it and it was only our reserved nature to not trust on greatness that held us from that love. It was hard sometimes to believe in greatness if you put yourself down. But there we stand again, and we just have to calm down. There is a suspense of happiness within every moment if we would like to engage in it. I stood for fifteen minutes in a tank station when a woman approached me. She had stopped with her husband to get some gasoil for the car they were driving.
“Hey, Can I ask where you want to go?”
“Yes! I want to go to England, so my plan is to cross Denmark and get on a boat if I reach the sea.”
 I had a sign saying West.

That day i was introduced into Destortion. A festival , a huge big ass festival of 3 or 4 days partying. The people in Copenhagen were crazy, and i mean real crazy









like really really crazy. wheel chairs in the air, legs in the air, everything in the air. why not. With Meads( the father of tess) we went walking for hours and hours throught the croud untill we were in a really good vegetarian place and a beerbar.

Sweden

When I woke up I started to pull my peanut butter out of my backpack and fumbled a little bit with the bread. When I was doing it a bird suddenly decided that he was going to land on my head. He sat there for a second and it filled me with tender joy. The silence of the forest rested it’s surrounding in tenderness. After an hour or more of eating and thinking I got up and walked. Walking was quite a job for me during my travels if I didn’t spend my time thinking. Sometimes walking for hours straight to get somewhere. The highway was not quite far this time and I got a ride easily. It was beautiful to walk in Sweden. Everything was surrounded with forests. The first man who picked me up was a flower and a bird seeker. The second man was an old hippy with an old jeep carrying a caravan. Every time a truck passed, we swayed like a leave. He dropped me off at a place where I waited for two hours. The place where I stood was full of big eating opportunities and parking lots. I hurried from one parking lot to the next to ask people if they could pick me up. A teacher decided in the end to take me. He was very kind and took me under his wing. He drove me all the way to the address what was written in my book. He must have liked the poem I gave him.

I checked the piece of paper again that Michaela gave me and reassured that I was at the right address I knocked on the door but nobody answered so I went around the back. A man was sleeping there and I woke him up.
( he was a very muscular American who appeared to be in his sixties with a deep soft voice and you felt it in his voice that he was lay back)
 

“hello, hello, "

“what are you doing here?”

“I am looking for Michaela.”

“Yeah, and.”

“Is she living here.”

“Maybe, what do you want from her.”

“I have met her in Copenhagen, and she said that I could visit her.”

“Ah, well, come inside, I can look if she is in the house, leave your stuff here.”

He gave me food and told me “well yeah, actually, I remember, her mother is sleeping right now. I don't know where Michaela is. She must come here and take care of us but she always has her phone out of battery.”

After this weird talk the mother woke up. She heard sounds in the living room and was shocked to see me standing there. A big man with long hair.
“Who are you?”
“I am the poet your daughter met in Copenhagen, she said that I could come by.”
Hearing these simple words the mother melted and turned from a shocked almost fearful woman into a charming helpful one. The table was soon piling from all the food put on. “Come in. come in. make yourself at home. You must be starving!? I am Elisabeth and this is Rocky. Don’t mind him. Michaela is not here at the moment but you can sleep in the guestroom of course.”
I could not believe the sincerity in which I was greeted. Happiness was easily laid down and given to the weary.
How amazing it was to see such a huge bed and have the possibility to shower. As I sat down again at the kitchen table and ate to my heart’s content I listened to the answers my questions gave me.
“We met in Israel. It is a long while back.”
“You are a poet Cestmir? Tell us a poem!”
I just finished a short story about a man and a dog and that there was no time. So I told them that one.
When I was done Rocky looked at me with clear eyes. “Cestmir, that story is quite similar to my story. You could even say that you wrote about me.”
and he told me why and I listened in awe.
“I was hitchhiking in America during a snowstorm, with a dog. There was no car anywhere. When the dog ran away, there came a car but I had to catch the dog so I could not get in. The second car that turned up drove past me. I had no hope left and I would die right there. Suddenly a car approached me from the opposite direction and turned. It stopped before me and a woman appeared with a pale face saying: “I never pick up hitchhikers but I heard a voice in my head commanding me to pick you up.”

That was the moment he began to feel Jezus with him.

He was a wonderful story teller and excellent man. I heard that he was a poet in his early days and he was now a teacher of a special class. This man had adorned my heart with tingling’s of adventure. I could not believe that I had stumbled about and found the existence of this man.

After dinner we walked the dog together and we shared some words about life and love. He inspired me. Never before had I met such a man who entrusted his heart to a young boy who came out of nowhere and gave him the old knowledge that laid around in his mind. I wished my dad could have walked the dog with me every evening to spend words with me. With every step that I took towards discovery and dreams I opened yet another doorway where pain could be heard and understood. My life had given me enough bravery to follow the choices of peace. To give way to my hopes of having a dad and a mom who love me for who I am. Of course they loved me but I did not love them.
“How can I love them if they never speak about love with each other.”
“Cestmir, you are searching for peace for who you are. An understanding of where you come from. And that road will take you to many desolate places. You are doing what most men are too scared to do. You are inspiring us Cestmir, never forget that. You are inspiring us.”
Rocky had adopted me as his own son in a few hours and gave me the love of a father.
When it was time to sleep they arranged all the bedding and made sure that I had everything I needed. Family always confronts you the most with who you think you are. Maybe no father or mother can really give a child what it wants. Maybe. Maybe they give exactly what you want but you are not respecting the outcome enough to see it.
“So, tell me Cestmir about your father.”
“Well, what is there to tell?”
“I would love to hear about the pain that you carry inside.”
“Oh, that is easy. I was four when my dad left the family. He left four kids and my mom behind and started another family with four kids and a mom.”
I looked at Rocky but he didn’t say anything.
The memory had left scars behind. It was as if he had traded us for a second chance in life.
“I wanted more attention than that he gave me. For me, it felt as if he never looked back and my childhood was one big plea for my dad. This made me unable to see or give awareness to the other aspects of my life. My brothers and mother and stepdad were casual people who I shared a bond with but I didn’t felt loved.”
“So, you closed yourself off for other opportunities to develop relationships.”
“Yes, I stayed in my room for years and wrote about the world inside of me. Luckily my mom could finally get me out of my room.”
“What did she do?”
“She said that I should experience the world and told me about a festival where I could be a volunteer. My mom had always a way to infiltrate your feelings and push. So I went to the festival and realized that I loved adventure. But what about you?”
“Oh, you don’t want to hear about me. I have lived many life’s and then eventually ended up with my true love in Sweden. That’s the most important to know.”


When I overheard Rocky and Elisabeth arguing the next morning about who was going to mow the lawn I stepped in and did it for them. “No, you should not have to do that!”
“That is the least I can do for all the kindness that you brought me.”
I enjoyed it immensely. Afterwards I found enough food on the table to bring me to heaven.
Elisabeth was pushing Rocky around to finally paint the house but Rocky had no interest in beginning and did everything he could to prolong the decision. “ Rocky, go and find a lift, so you can paint the house.”
“Cestmir, let’s go. We will do what my wife wants…”
So he and I went driving around the countryside in search of a lift so he could reach the top of the house but we were ‘lost’ in the wilderness. When I offered to paint the house for him he said:
 “When you fall off the ladder then I destroy the most promising poet of Holland and I do not want that people from Holland got to know that I was the one.”
We saw Buffalo’s on a farm and went to a friend of his who held hundreds of chickens and then returned home in the evening.

“ Have you bought a lift?”
“No, we saw one but it was expensive.”

I loved to discover and observe Elisabeth and Rocky. They forgave each other very quickly for all the jokes and preferences that they had. Their connection surrounded them and that made me blessed to have found them. So I could learn from their love and take a few more steps towards forgiving myself for who I was. I was amazed that such a big story could lay behind a random meeting on the streets in a different country. I had to thank Michaela for approaching me there in Copenhagen because I really felt that I had to meet Rocky and Elisabeth. They were filling the trust between me and my parents with their ‘adoption’ of me in their family. Elisabeth reminded me of my mother who had a finger in everyone’s business but forgave them for who they were. And Rocky was teaching me how it felt like to have a father looking over my shoulder for my wellbeing.

Rocky got a phone call later on that day from his son who needed help with making a parking spot in his garden. Rocky said yes without even asking his wife. After Rocky gave his wife the news, we all got into the car and drove to the next town where he lived. Michaela and her boyfriend Alexander joined us there. It was strange to meet Michaela there. I wanted to spend time with her and get to know her but I actually felt a stronger bond now with her parents. I could figure out later who I was going spend time with. For now, I was blessed to be surrounded by a family who accepted a stranger in their midst. All of them were helping Rocky’s son with his driveway. There was already a start of the project and we were the muscle who could help dig and pull some more.
“Hello Cestmir, I am Emanuel. I am very pleased to meet you.”
“Very pleased to meet you too. So you need our help?”
Yes, we just want to clear the space so that my car can stand next to my house.”
“Where can I begin?”
He had a son of four who really reminded me of my two youngest brothers and I could not help but take a picture of him. His eyes reminded me of clear skies and he had a personality that was . Together with the men of the family we pulled and dug for some hours and it was fun to be there. It felt good to help them and return the kindness of taking me along. Soon it was time for dinner. It was amazing to see that the whole family was so joyful and happy to be together. I missed that a little bit with my own family. I regretted that I did not spend time with them as much and laughed and shared memories. Maybe I was being a teenager back then but being alone on the road was the best way to realize how special all these brothers were and I hoped they would experience the same kind of openness in their hearts as I did when I sat down at the table in this home after a hard days work. I grew up with three brothers and now my dad had eight sons with two wife’s. There had been a lot a masculine energy growing up but through the puberty of boys, there was always my mother who had been there, not backing up her energy to please us but she made us feel empowered with our own choices. I think it is easy to take things for granted and it was wonderful to see that you could realize how important the small details were.
.
After the dinner I went with Alexander and Michaela to their house. I was curious to stay with them and I hoped to get to know them but in my heart I was still thinking of Rocky. We ate ice-cream and watched Into the wild. ‘Happiness is only real if shared with others.’
It was a line of the movie and I found it resonating with me.

I came to Sweden to give an answer to the kindness of a girl and I had met a whole family who shared their story with me.

The boy who reminded me of my brothers:



Michaela and the whole family went to church on Sunday and so I was going with them. I was really sad to see Rocky leave my life yesterday but now I got another chance to see the great man.
A woman of the family who grew up in Africa ( the mother in law of Emanuel) was holding a speech about what she did in Africa for the homeless children. Emanuel sat next to me and translated it. I could not believe how generous this family was and how patient. After the speech there was a friend of Emanuel who was being Baptized.
And then it happened. A spark of inspiration moved through my body. It felt it way up my spine and I was left with surprise. Suddenly I felt the love that this great family had for each other grasp my heart and this urge of becoming one with them fueled my desire. It made me decide, nearly, that I was going to be Baptized as well. I had this feeling of freedom that burned inside my chest. It was as if the holy ghost was there. And I felt suspended in hope. It was a strong feeling of commitment. It left me with a feeling of melancholy. Ever since I was little, faith had intrigued me. I took interest in God and went to a church group when I was fourteen. I listened to the presentations presented to me and asked whatever came to my mind. I asked anything and rambled on about my perspectives on God and they were not upset. Instead they listened without judging my idea’s. It amazed me that everybody listened gracefully and with care.
“You are blindly following a leader into love. You are like the Nazi’s but then opposite.”
My interest was so great because I wanted know why so many people believed in Jesus and in that church in Sweden I felt the beginning of it. It was the love around me that solidified. Belief inspired me to look at these people who gave their goodness to each other and cared for nothing more than the love that created itself. I felt in that church in Sweden that love was the foundation of belief. It did not matter if Jesus was really the son of god or that he had lived. What matters was that people could be inspired by this tale and live closer to love by believing in him. I did not really know what I had to think about the whole ordeal of religion but I certainly could see the beauty of having faith in something. It made you part of a community and therefore could support you in your search for connection.

After the church was over we all went to Emanuel’s house. He was celebrating the Baptism of his friend and I was invited to eat along.
I was grateful that I could be a part of this family. I felt truly one with them and I never had experienced such an acceptance of freedom. By stepping out of the desire to be close with my pain I could open up and experience the freedom of love. The piece of me that was hiding in the shadow of his desires laughed at me and wanted to learn how to trust. Not only my father but also my oldest brother ‘left’ me when I needed him. The police dragged him out of the house and brought him to a mental hospital when I was fourteen because society said that he had Schizophrenia and he could not live with us anymore. My mom made the call and it was a tragic day in all our lives as a family. It was a tragic way to see my best friend go with so much force and decisiveness. I never had forgiven my brother for that. I thought that he would know better after our dad left. That was one of the reasons that I wanted to leave. Rocky and Michaela and Emanuel and Elisabeth were reminding me of the love that a family had for each other and seeing them taking me from the streets and giving me a home for a few days gave me a gratitude for my own family.
The food and companionship was delicious. And I shared some interesting topics with the family. About god mostly but as long as there is more Love and Happiness than you can sign me in for the ride.

Ice-cream and movies:



The blog post around that time:
Right here, I got a strange sense of goodness wash over me. I was taught to believe that religion was nonsense but I was experiencing a wonderful feeling that took away my negative emblems about God in this church. I was really overthrown with the people who got baptized, and the feeling of all the people singing along and standing up and do what the heck they must do! for this was a wonderful place, and all of a sudden, I began to realize that I was ready to stand up and say. I want to get Baptized, I want to pray, in front of the whole church in hope that my relationship with my brother will get healed. I was ready to take a leap of faith and I was ready to embrace the holy spirit. For I am searching, and doubting that there is something out there. A feeling took over, I felt it fluttering my belly, it was saying, Rise up! Rise up from the ashes!

But I did not do it.

And then suddenly it was time for me to go. I thanked Michaela so much for this expansion of connection and wished her all the best with all of her life. I left Sweden with the train. I tried to hitchhike at first but after hours of walking and waiting I understood that it was maybe better to take the train.

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so that subject was out of the order, i could look to my own path again. i was street performing again with Peter jones, and that was the time a little group of friends took my attention, i wrote them a poem, in the meantime Tess was in the picture and she was there when i performed my poem to the group, it was very good and they gave more than 100 kroons,





Than i began to walk with Tess for a long while until we finally took a place to rest, and it was wonderful, to get to know Tess and talk about our family's and such. I was going to visit her family in Spain when i was there.