unfolding the truth

It has been a while since I broke up with this amazing girl. It has been awhile since I began to see that there is enormous pressure inside of me to be proud of who I am. Today, my brain finally relented. It had some space to breath, taking in all what it had ignored, letting unhealthy environments untangle itself from its dusty brain corners. And I found the possibility to be lonely. In that sphere of renewed loneliness, I adressed the stories that kept me prideful, and my own strengths. What stopped me from being able to love and which obstacles kept me prideful.

A wall emerged. It was transparant and on the other side lay connection. A connection that I never knew I missed. A connection to the beginning of need. 

It said: ' in order to solve your pride, you have to feel, even if it's just for a second, that you also need people. 

You have lived so long, taking care of yourself and now it is time to let other people see the flaws that you cannot turn into strength without their help.

You depend on them.' 

The wall shimmered and I passed through. On the other side, I found myself saying: ' I do not want to do this alone.' 

A sentence that I reluctantly adopted.