My final days in my country

Silence occurs to me. It shivers in the depths of my waves. It is part of my veins and i would not have it any other way.

So, i left my hometown and after a couple of weeks in Amsterdam where i walked the streets, asked a girl out and let another girl slip through my fingers I went to my hometown again.

This time, only to visit for a few days.

A friend who i know now for 11 years just broke up with his girlfriend. they were together for 5 years and it was suddenly and unexpected. She had painted the walls just the other day and then left.

My friend was painting the walls again, to erase her memory and he was actually very released that the relationship broke. He now found that he was much more relaxed and he could breath and smile to every stranger on the streets and they would smile back.

Isabelle came to us, to hang out. and see me.

I walked her home afterwards and we spoke about the end of our time together.
She was sad about it. I was more happy to find out what i wanted and going for it. I always lived more in the future.

"But, you know, if i leave now and you get over me than there is this very attractive man out there , just waiting to be swept of his feet by your beauty. and he would fit so much better with you than me!"

She was angry that i said that.
I played with cuddles to release the anger.

She smiled again softly. and then we said goodbye.


When i walked back home, i passed the window of my friend and in the morning he texted me "Cestmir? Was it you who past my window in the middle of the night when i went to the bathroom to piss?"

 Yes.

I was almost ready to go. to leave my hometown forever but there was still a story that needed attention.

And that was one of the best friends of my mom.

She and i really are fond of each other. She is a very awesome person who is loved by my whole family and her smile always lights up the room

And i heard that she had some problems with herself in this time.

In the past i offered her my attention to talk about her. she never responded.
but now i reminded her about it and by my surprise she took me on my offer.

So we planned a picknick. She was a bit late and when she came i was mediating and she said "I cannot believe that i have an 'appointment' with Cestmir."

We spread our sheet and covered it with our food.
And then we started talking. about life.

At one time i laughed and in my laughter i found a hug, so i hugged her and i pushed her to the ground. she was surprised as she saw how we rolled through the grass. she laughed with me.

She cried.
And in her crying i found a memory of beauty.
so i kissed her cheek

And the picknick was a celebration of community.

Isabelle came later because she wanted to see me one more time. I was happy because there was still something that i wanted to say to her.

that was the last time that we expressed our love and the magical time we spend together. I discovered  that i really was a lover of the wind and she was too loyal to be in love with a person like that.

So, i needed to say goodbye to another lover who captured my heart

I went to my friends in another city and that would be my last visit to anyone in the Netherlands.
These friends are Jesse, which i met many years ago, on a festival called Hungry Wolf, and his girlfriend, a lovely girl from Poland named Zofia

I spend there one night and i finally saw the final of Game Of Thrones. It was dissapointing.

And so, i left my country and i had my plan of not seeing it for a long while.

becoming what i was meant to be

After 5 years of traveling i finally made peace with the journey of being

I was 20 when i began this expedition, this trial of life, this freedom search
and after 5 years of contemplating i have it.

i have the virtue of knowing what i am supposed to do.

i tried many times to choose a path, i followed my fears or the love i had for another story
and whatever i did, i did it because i didn't had a choice.

Life granted me the courage and the freedom to travel so i did

and through life i was granted the experience to transform myself into this teller of tales that slowly taught himself how to celebrate life and most of all, himself

Years went by and days became nights

I met person after person who gave me more inspiration and more liberty than the tears that i would shed in this life.

Every raindrop that fell from the sky was a symbol of a story that i collected and i could see how these stories became me
i could see how these stories made me sometimes cry out in anger and despair and i would scare the people who were there to witness me in the glory of my hatred

I could see how they formed me into this man who was not afraid to confront, with the honesty of veins who lived every possible way and they could not contain anymore how they felt, how they cried, how they loved, how they danced and how they became insane

how they gently rocked me to sleep. alone and hidden in the shadowy alleys of cities.


And then, after five years of exploration i could not fight it anymore

i knew what i was destined to become and i did not run away from it

i could finally embrace it and wrap my veins in peace

Before me lay the opportunity to become life itself and i basked in the glory of it

and a name that was slumbering inside became known to me : the traveling storyteller would forever walk in peace and he would take his life forever on a journey of honesty


my name, destined to become life
and in the aftermath of wisdom

i could find that there were no problems anymore,
only opportunity's

to never fall back to hidden masculinity
to never look back and see how my family misses me

I would miss them, together with everyone

and i would bear the responsibility of my feelings with the greatest smile
and i would dance upon the bones of emotions with my soul

For, that is what my life depends on

to be content with the sacrifices of freedom
and not dwell on anything but yourself

and as life is you
even the smallest detail could nourish my heart
and give me home
where i can shelter if i feel alone

My comfort zone is the earth i stand on
the stars who protect my sleeping form
and the wind who gives me connections to everything

And as fairytales and poetry are written
i become a story

a resemblance to life itself

and i am proud to bear this burden

But i will always be a name, who cries and laughs just the same as you

And i will be happy to see how the present unwraps itself and how it gives me the courage to forget myself

in the stream of creation
in the breath of the wild


in the stories that you become
in the transitions you went along


i have no doubt we will meet
and we will meet again

and i will laugh so hard
cry as deep fears are embraced and loved

i will wait patiently for that day
where you can teach me everything about your stay in this life

and i can hold my broken beliefs and see how they shape more beautifully
in the eyes that you gave me