wasted energy is returned to us and becomes the power that forges a new age of prosperity

"You are betraying yourself Cestmir. Listen to yourself, please. You prefer the chaotic mess of society but you are home in the open sky! Where you can be who you want to be and there are no people who feel that they own you!" 

Several year ago, I would have laughed if you asked me if society could give me salvation and prosperity. But look at me now; I am tying myself to the tree of money and business. And I don't feel like stopping. Not because I know I will ever find any kind of happiness here. But I know that I want to use my happiness to educate myself about the highs and lows of societal life. Something inside of me was very excited at a change to jump in the middle of babylon (Society) and I got my golden ticket. After my last trip to Turkey, I got hired by a company that takes care of elderly demented. I gave up on my travels and focused on the journey that would give me another perception of who I wanted to become. I would need to sacrifice the idea that I was only a traveller. Because this idea became comfortable but it didn't feel right.  Somewhere out there, there was another destiny, a destiny that I was so afraid of that I didn't even consider it: Babylon is calling and I go all for it. And now that I'm here I feel that it is not about the money or the stupid business: It is all about wasted energy. The first few months were a struggle. The change of scenery; suddenly being thrown in corporate life and adapting and adopting the rules of societal behavior, so that my clients would feel safe around me and trust me instead of throwing me out of their houses because I behaved like a traveler who had no respect for their subtle privacy laws and ingrained sense of distance that existed between people who never met. I would follow them into their bedroom without being invited, I would eat a few too many slices of bread etc. My bosses began to supervise me and engage in weekly evaluation meetings. It was an integration process that made me stressful and not super confident. But I liked the work and something happened that was not planned at all: I began to get happiness from doing my job. Once the initial stresslevels had evaported because everything settled down I focused on the joy that I got and allowed myself to see why I got it; the job was providing me with the means to engage in human contact, It gave me enough freedom to learn from this human contact and the experiment of life could be executed while I was abiding by the rules of the societal behavior commitee of safety. And my life seemed almost to transcend. The traveler integrated into 'normal life' and adapted to the world around him just like on his travels. I was the same man, doing the same thing that I was always doing over and over again: I adapted to the scenario and integrated into the world. And slowly , my fear and hatred that I projected at the corporate life faded. It was as if I had been arguing with an idea that never argued with me in the first place. As if I was so afraid of overal experience that I wasted so much energy dividing experience into seperate brackets. Society and travellers. So that existence would have storylines that I could follow. But what if there is no storyline to be followed? What if existence is an experience that has no beginning, middle and end. I glorify the thoughts of my brain. I inject them into the world around me and therefore poison the potential that the world has, to appear before me without form. Maybe I waste energy describing and filling in the world around me. 

And all this wasted energy, of trying to divide experience, possibly distracts me from the potential of meeting the world and the persons in it, like it wants to be seen: clear and pure.

When I was travelling, I was so sure that there was a certain future in store for me and this certain future led me to believe in a certain attitude that gave me additional morals and self awareness. By expanding the reach of my potential and challenging this rigid future that I believed in, I got to see and experience beyond that future. I developed and by observing the merge between two enemies: The traveling world and the societal world, I began to get insight in the patterns of myself that wasted energy, believing in seperation and division. I felt that my heart wanted to redirect that energy to the other goal; to feel more and more in tune with the whole experience of life. I am not so stubborn anymore and the future is looking far more appealing than it was. Together with the world that has less form and with the potential that is unlocked because I freed the world from glorified thoughts that were not neccessary, I feel that my opportunity to connect with the world in a personal way has increased. The people and the world around me seem less shaped, and thus, I am more capable to rewrite what they mean. It didn't work out with my job after all. The elderly and I were not a good fit. I will focus on giving workshops instead. Maybe I can learn something.