We are dancing together

I am learning that, in order for me to actually begin to establish myself as a human being, I have to accept the synergy that I have with reality: It is a painting that is constantly created around me and I am its most treasured detail that never changes. But the painting is only truly vivid and alive when I, the detail, does not infect it with unnecessary ideas, thoughts or heartbeats that don't fit. I only merely exist with the natural elements that every human being has. And ofcourse, I have my own swing, dance, characteristics but the painting get's too crouded when I induldge excessively in my own natural elements. The path to safe environments, talks, encounters where we harbor everyone's personality in such a way that they feel ready to open up just a little bit more, is walked upon if every feeling is accounted for. 


 And together we protect eachother from ourselves and create a poem; Not by means of setting rules or any promise or agreement that needs to remind us of the boundaries, but by natural inspiration. We ought to have relationships where we feel the internal synergy of our personalities working. And if we keep on feeling inspired ,while we create the poem with the other, it is a sign that a certain happiness gets created that last longer and has more potential. I want to accept my own behavior and adapt to healthy normal relationships, so that I am accommodating the reality that is here, so that it may find comfort in this world and, i hope, serenity.

Meeting the family

 A couple of days ago, something funny happened. I met the parents of my friend. To the outside world, it may seem that we are in a relationship and yes, we are immensly in love with eachother and she is indeed a women that gives me serenity in a world where serenity is hard to come by. And yes, we share amazing kisses and will have something more later in the future. But all of this does not make her my 'girlfriend' in the sense that I will marry her and we will raise our kids together. We are just having a beautiful time and we will see where it will lead. It may happen that we end up having all these things but for now, I am way too individual for all of that. We let the future write itself, and we don't have any pressure that we want to share with the other. But the parents don't know this ofcourse. They see their eldest daughter, falling in love with a hippy and they might see all of their hopes and dreams of what their daughter would become, and what they will share with her, shatter and crash into the endless void of the universe. The sense of nature comes knocking on their door and it is asking them to adjust all of their beliefs. I feel really bad for doing this to people, especially when they are very nice and they were very nice! But in the end, all they want is for their daughter to be happy. And maybe I have to digest that I can be a part of normal society without needing to refrain. because there is no 'normal'anyway. We had a lovely time and the world didn't end, so i guess it went alright. I just have to trust that the ego that I am carrying is greatly placed inside of me and everything that it does is ordinary. That is my mission for the next 10 years. I have placed my ego in special locations for the last 10 years ofcourse, and it got a little proud of itself. so much so that it became entitled. So, now it is time that it turns itself down a notch. It may relax in the ocean of love. No more gestures that celebrates my individuality, just because I can. No, It is time to meet the family. And this is really hard. I have to realize that I am not a stranger who kidnaps their daughter and brings her to a different universe. I would have to realize that I am relatable. That I am not special. I just have an expressive and dramatic soul who needs to believe in his fairytale stories in order to deal with reality. This makes me extragvagant but not another species. The time has come to digest the thruth. I am nothing more than a man who likes to believe in his own delusions. And whoever wants to get closer to me, has to accept that they will have to take the delusions for granted, but the funny thing is, that you could be persuaded to see that you also live in your own delusions. And serenity can come when we accept eachothers delusions.