Inner realisation

I,

Cestmir Bergsma is my name, but what defines me,

Over the years i struggle to hold on to myself , not knowing what there is to hold on to.
in my head there is a fantasy world who wants to take over,

In my head, the world seems as a magic place
In my head,

What is there to hold on to, what if you´re alone,

when nobody gets you, as who you are

then the conclusion is maybe, that you need to be someone else,
to be excepted, to have a mask on who can protect you against the world

Of course,
That makes things easier, you get the friends you always wanted
If you act like a normal kid, it makes life easier.

Afraid of what they would say if they found out you´re father left you when you were 6
Afraid for the real you, who is selfish or who takes no no for an answer

But what if,
the real you, can amaze people

what if, you are meant to free people from there lonelyness
I am not talking about myself, i am talking about everyone,

Because everyone has a story inside,
If you are to be true to yourself
than you, can, be someone´s pillar

Even with you not realising it
by you´re mere presence you can let people expirience your heart

you´re kind soul, the whisper behind the shouting

I had the wisdom, or the foolish song, in my head that i wanted to be myself throughout my whole life

No mask, this is me.
Take it, or leave it,

And i had no real friends before i chose to do Social Cultural Work ,
When i was 17, i first got in contact with the world of friends.

And at 20 i left this world, to pursue my own dream
Traveling, i left my old `sweet´home behind me to see what life is about,

what my life needs, to see the light

The light that i was
some one who could mean something to another.
not just some kid. Lost in the world,

We, people, all have the power to understand our selves
and the wisdom of our deeds carries the freedom of who we want to be.

I erased my self to become myself,

And that was the best move i could ever make,

All the lifes that i lived in the futures that will never be, is not getting close, to the magnificent future i am living now,

To say this, is releashing all the anger inside of you,
I have learned,
but what,

I have conquered,
but what,

myself?
or just the illusion of myself

Am i what i wanted to be,
can i love myself despite the ease which what i lean towards the opposite

Yes ,
we can

We can,

Traveling made me realise, that my dream is succeeding myself,
It is traveling forwards, to let the dreams of others analyze her.

Spirits combining true magic, because you are rewarded,

Because you are yourself
Because you follow the path you love the most,

No one can destroy the fairytale in side of us,
she was 14 years old when they locked her up in a mental hospital

desperate for freedom she ran away and for 6 months was on the run, nowhere to go

Believing in our own words is harder than drinking the water of your sorrows
we think, that protecting ourselves from our superb souls, the outside world cannot hurt us,

and we find, that we are not happy, and wanting to go back, to the child we were
we find that it is impossible

for we do not know how to make the art of meaning visible


who we are,
is a question we must answer,

because if we ignore the wonders we create, we silence the waves of our future who brings us happines and joy

On my travels i learned to understand my past, and theirby understanding the future a little bit better.

Back home

My father was waiting for me at the airport

That did something to my heart, to see him, after 9 months, I did not even phoned him when i was in Franch and Portugal,

When we where in the car, My mother called,
it was still a surprise that i was back
and when she heard it, she sang a song.

It was wonderfully great to see my family again,
I surprised my grandma also and my aunt

All my brothers had some sort of respect for me, and everyone had some sort of glazy stare in their eye for they could not believe that i was back,

I was traveling to bring respect to my parents eyes, and it worked.

After a month i was going to travel again, but now it was time to relax,
In Amsterdam i met a friend of mine who is a photographer, and he made pictures of me

I was hitchhiking most of the time, and it was pretty easy to get a lift in The Netherlands,

Joy came into my eye when i saw that Tony from Ireland was visiting my Dad with his whole family,
so i got a reunion with them,

The Tukkers from my hometown, were also really amazed by the things that i did,
And that was really cool,

they were so happy for me, and jealous and thinking that my stories needed to see the light.

I saw Birdman in the cinema's in Amsterdam for free, because i made a poem for the ticketsale guy,
and he was impressed so he gave me that ticket.

I saw some friends and i played Super Smash Bros Browl with my Brothers

I also went to PAUW, a band who is wonderfully wonderful,
together with my aunt Corine, I was pretty jeaulous of all the things that went great for the band while i was away,
I know a couple of guys, in The band and with fascination i read and listened that they went to tv shows and Festivals,
That night i had the change of losing myself on the music, and they thanked me for it,

A friend of mine called Jesse, Wanted to be my companion on my second Tour around Europe so together we went ,

My nephew is going to Estland by Car , and we were invited to come along to Warshaw.

Barcelona

It was wonderfully realxed in the train,

i was going to Barcelona, and it was my birthday,

So i made poems for everyone in my coupe,

and wrote a lot about my journey

when i finally got there, i went to the restaurant called Juicy jones, because i was going to stay with my friends,
friends from my family,
who knew me as a child,

and their 3 children played with me in Enschede

I could not recall any of this, but i knew that it was going to be minblowingly good, to see these guys,

and it was,
they became, part of my family

 they had a restaurant where i could eat every day for free,
My tram ticket was covered and it was a dancing world where i got sucked into

i was really exited and they were too.

One of the most glorious compliments some one ever gave to me was from the mother,

"Wauw, now i see that you really are a poet"

So many nice things she said that i am afraid of typing it , for it might lose their magic

One of her sons, Abraham,
became like a brother to me, like really,
we did everything together, and he even brought me to 'his forest'

when i left, he said "There would be always a piece of you in this Forest"

We danced, wrote, made songs about the sun,  loved every girl we passed by and learned each other the way we were,

Our true selves. we needed the other one, really, to let us open up our souls and enlighten the wounded parts of ourselves
His crazyness was from another soul,

So my time in Barcelona was really a going away present for me, this was how my journey said goodbye to me

I went to Karate with the boys, we danced together, i had a most wonderful talk with the father of the family.
and in the end the father, bought me a plain ticket to Holland,
for i was to homesick to travel further, i needed some time with my family.